About my newborn's name?

(183 Posts)

Having a hormonal morning. Finally decided on our baby's name after much deliberation yesterday and told a few friends who all said it was lovely.

My mother calls this morning and I tell her we have decided on Oliver James L.M (surname) to which she replied 'OH NO!!' Like I've told her I'm calling him Crap Bag or something hmm this really upset me as I feel like I could never call him this now as I know she hates it.

So now DP has declared he doesn't like Oliver either and was 'going along with it for me' sad I really thought we both liked it as he has always expressed this.

Now I feel so confused, I really liked it and think it really suits him but now it's completely tainted and DP is looking up names like Ivander and Cassius confused. I guess I'm upset because the baby has his surname and now he's going to choose the first name when I'm the one who carried him and pushed him out and will no doubt be doing the majority of caring as I'm ebf and he's back to ft work next week,

Sorry just needed to rant, feel so upset.

HKat Sat 05-Jan-13 13:58:50

In my opinion Oliver is a fab name - and James - but I agree that's not the issue, the issue is how dare your mum be so rude! For what it's worth my own mum drove me demented on this front last year before DD was born. Her preference was Charlotte which I did like and was actually on our list, but the way she banged on about it actually put me off in the end. Also on our list was Mia which dp and I both loved, but she hated. She would pull a face whenever it came up and say 'oh but is it Mia or Miah, I can never tell'...Yes you bloody well can, and even if not, you only need to be told once!!!! Grrr. As it happened when DD arrived she just didn't feel like a Mia, but that was bugger all to do with DM's opinion. I didn't call her Charlotte either smile

Your baby op, your choice. Well, and dp's of course and there's the rub. If he genuinely doesn't like Oliver James, then that's a shame, but it needs to be one both of you agree on. Personally I'm not keen on his choices either! If dd had been a ds he would have been William Robert (or vice versa).

Congratulations on your DS by the way!

HollyBerryBush Sat 05-Jan-13 13:58:57

If you give outlandish names you risk one of two things - a child who just has to live up to that name - or a child who absolutely hates it and cant cope with it and becomes a complete introvert.

I'm thinking Zowie Bowie - who now calls himself Duncan Jones!

Off the top of my head I can't think of any captains of industry - but correct me - that don't have traditional names. Traditional names generally don't get eye-rolling/what was the mother thinking negative comments. Some people though just have to court notoriety and have this desire to stand out and extend that to their children.

HKat Sat 05-Jan-13 14:00:36

Oh and whilst I think you both need to agree, don't let him pressure you into a name you don't like. Take your time.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 14:01:52

I heard of some kid being called Mungo, thats just cruel.

And, Gary and Phil Neville's dad, Neville Neville, was his parents stoners.

Similar happened with DS2. We had decided on the name Finlay, i was calling him Finlay in the hours that followed his birth and i loved it. We had told MIL his name over the phone and got the response- "Really? Dont think much of that, cant you choose something else?"

Couldnt bear to use it after that, swapped him to something else entirely which i have come to prefer over the years.

MIL also told out friends that the name they had chosen for their unborn child was 'chavvy' and that she knew lots of kids from her work (she is a youth probation worker) that had the same name!

Kveta Sat 05-Jan-13 14:06:37

Oliver is a fantastic name, can be pronounced by just about anyone (except my nan, who thinks DS is called Roland). My in-laws are foreign, don't speak any english, but can cope with it fine.

FWIW, my mum thinks it's 'common', dad reckons 'he will be gay with that name' and my sister thinks 'it's a really weak name' to which I said ' oh do fuck off my child gets a name I like, you all have your own kids to name'

my DH wasn't fussed about names though, so it really was my choice luckily!

StinkyWicket Sat 05-Jan-13 14:09:52

How cruel.

It is none of anyone's business what you choose for your son, and your DP all of a sudden getting odd about it doesn't help.

Oliver James is lovely. I understand why your mum would feel that way (I did for a long time about a name that DH loved but happened to be the same name as a much hated school kid!) but to voice that as anything other than 'ooh, I knew and Oliver once' is just silly.

Why on earth if your DP now getting so hung up on meanings now? He does know you could find several 'funny' meanings on the internet which are probably just as valid!

NotThoughtOfMy2013NNyet Sat 05-Jan-13 14:10:15

I really dislike the name Oliver and just cannot get my head around why it is so popular. As each new one is introduced, a 'ooh lovely, such a classic name' is mustered as a lovely new baby is really what is most important.

BooCanary Sat 05-Jan-13 14:11:36

I know its too late for you now OP, but I have learnt two lessons re. baby names:

1. NEVER tell ANYONE apart from your DP/H what your name choices are before the baby is born and before you have announced the name as a fait accompli.

2. Agree a short shortlist (max 3 options) with DP/H, and then make the decision as soon as baby is born - your DP/H will be so full of amazement at your childbirthing bravery and skill wink that you will get your way on your favourite name!!

This worked both times for me grin. I'm pretty sure my DM doesn't like at least one of my DCs names, and she is a bit hmm about the fact that they both have obviously religious/christian names, despite us being a family of ardent atheists! It's tough shit though tbh.

lockets Sat 05-Jan-13 14:12:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ Sat 05-Jan-13 14:21:44

Oliver is a lovely name and the couple of boys I know who have that name are lovely too.

Don't listen to others, like you say, your DM has had her chance to name her children.

I have just looked up the meaning of Oliver and found this 'Oliver is thoughtful and cautious. Ostensibly this name derives from Late Latin olivarius 'olive tree'.'

Thanks for the lovely replies. I'm now getting texts with suggestions from my mother and brother. Told them to stop as I'm just upset now and want to be left alone. DP is now saying there is nothing wrong with Oliver and he doesn't mind it at all, what a mind fuck everyone is today

AmberSocks Sat 05-Jan-13 14:36:30

my mum hates my dc4s name-Ivor-in fact it hasnt been popular at all really,her reaction was worst though,but me and dh love it and when i was pregnant i just thought of him as that,and as soon as i saw him(i caught him myself when i gave birth and lifted him up out the water) i said "hello Ivor!" so it was just meant to be,if it feels right then go with it.

brighthair Sat 05-Jan-13 14:41:04

She had her chance to name her children. Now it's your turn. What do you think when you look at him, does a name pop into your head?

aderynlas Sat 05-Jan-13 14:42:16

Lovely name always makes me think of Ivor Novello.

everlong Sat 05-Jan-13 14:42:36

Tell your mother and brother that he's your baby. You pick his names.
Oh and then tell them to fuck off do one.

supergreenuk Sat 05-Jan-13 14:45:23

I really like the name. I can't believe your mother is so thoughtless. Please stick with it. This feeling will go and he will BE Oliver.

tulip27 Sat 05-Jan-13 14:52:06

I love the name . Lots of Oliver's at des prep school

5madthings Sat 05-Jan-13 14:53:47

People can be tactless when it comes to names. My parents and my mil didnt like our name choices and mil did a catsbum face and still moans that we didnt give her grandchildren a name she liked. Ds1 even has my late fil name as a middle name (he died a few mths before i got preg with ds1) and she doesnt like tgat either as she thinks middle names are pointless.

Fwiw i like oliver and tho its a well recognised name i dint know many babies named it at the moment.

I love cassius and if i ever have another (unlikely) its on my list along with emmett. Twin boys would be good si i could use both names but i think 5madthings is enough!

Footface Sat 05-Jan-13 14:55:08

We have an Oliver, 7 months my Dad sort of turned his nose up aswell. (O well)

Call your child what you want. You dp sounds like mine, didn't really like any names but wasn't help full in making suggestions, one of his suggestions was zeus. Nice name but really we're not going to name a child with such a different name.

The only thing with Oliver though is the amount if nick names that go with it. There's olly, ollybear, liver and my two year old decided to call him olin, no idea where that came from.

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 14:57:27

I can´t believe that they are now suggesting names.

Did your mother name you or let your Gran??

As for your brother now getting involved-words fail me!!

If your husband is now OK with the name, I would go with it-unless it´s now ruined for you.

I have a feeling your mum would be unbearable if you change itsad

MrsDeVere Sat 05-Jan-13 14:58:05

It is nobodies but your's what you call YOUR child.
Your DP has said he likes it now so there is no reason at all not to use the names.

I name my DCs. OH isnt really bothered which is fine by me. If he really didnt like a name I would't force it on him maybe
Although when we had DD he hinted that his DM usually named the GC shock

I.don't.think.so.

Use the names you like and bugger everyone else.

44SoStartingOver Sat 05-Jan-13 14:58:15

In my opinion (fwiw) it is good for the parents to agree, but the one who dilates by 10cm gets the final word.

Your mother is rude.

BUT and this is big, don't give baby your dps surname unless you really, really want to.

Unless you choose to marry, and then choose to change your surname, it is much easier, and much better to have you and dc last name the same.

minouminou Sat 05-Jan-13 15:04:06

Tell everyone to knob off!
I went through hellfire to get DS' name - I'd had it planned for him for 14 years! It had LOADS of opposition from just about everyone, apart from two people who really surprised me!

However, I like the sound of Oliver Cassius - compromise?.
Oliver Evander sounds like a children's entertainer!

minouminou Sat 05-Jan-13 15:05:59

Oh, and massive congrats!

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