Mumsnet Talk

Having a hormonal morning. Finally decided on our baby's name after much deliberation yesterday and told a few friends who all said it was lovely.

My mother calls this morning and I tell her we have decided on Oliver James L.M (surname) to which she replied 'OH NO!!' Like I've told her I'm calling him Crap Bag or something this really upset me as I feel like I could never call him this now as I know she hates it.

So now DP has declared he doesn't like Oliver either and was 'going along with it for me' I really thought we both liked it as he has always expressed this.

Now I feel so confused, I really liked it and think it really suits him but now it's completely tainted and DP is looking up names like Ivander and Cassius . I guess I'm upset because the baby has his surname and now he's going to choose the first name when I'm the one who carried him and pushed him out and will no doubt be doing the majority of caring as I'm ebf and he's back to ft work next week,

Sorry just needed to rant, feel so upset.

I'm just upset everyone has felt so entitled to name our baby and tell us what to call him, this includes both our families.

YABU to let other peoples views spoil the name you have chosen. If you like it then thats all that matters.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with Oliver James. Don't let your mother or your DP make you feel bad for liking a name.

I take it from the names he's suggested he's a fan of boxing?

Oliver's a lovely name, there's nothing wrong with it. Sounds like your DP has just had a last-minute change of heart and is being silly about it Cassius, really? and most likely, he will regret it.

Your mother may not like the name, but that's of no consequence. I'll bet she didn't mean to be so honest.

Are you calling him Oliver in your head yet? Do you look at him and think, 'my oliver'? It's hard to change your mind when it's made up like that. Tell your DP how you feel, how you feel really sad that he suddenly doesn't like the name you chose together, and how you'd very much like to have a part in what you both name your son. And ignore your mother.

Oh no! How upsetting for you. No idea what to say, I'd feel so gutted too and your mum was a bit rude wasn't she?! I think the name you picked sounded very nice and strong (don't like your DP's choices though) but appreciate that tastes differ so much with names.

Do you feel up to digging your heels in or is it ruined now? A week in and it'll feel like that's always been his name...

Its entirely up to you and your dp what you name your baby.
Tell your family members that you apprechiate their suggestions but it's not their decision.

Oh and Oliver James is lovely.

There is nothing wrong with Oliver.
Stick to your guns. Tell your partner that the baby has his surname so you will choose his first name.

Yes she was really rude and I told her she's had three children, this is mine to name. Now DP is talking about names with meanings rather than just looking at the name, whatever that bloody means. Everyone just keeps saying Oliver is so common but I've only known one my whole life and I've worked in schools and nurseries for years. Oh well.

Your opinion and your dp's opinion on your babys name are the only opinions that matter.

We all have dh's surname, we both picked ds's first name and his middle name is my dads. Dh said then ds has something of me and him plus is own first name.

If you're happy with the name you picked don't let your mum or other family have an input. And don't let your dp coerce you into picking a name you are unsure of either. It shoulf be a joint decision.

I think you and dp should pick a name that you both love. That said, when it came down to it, I had final say with my babies (although I wouldn't have insisted on names that dh actively disliked). If you would prefer that the dc had your last name, but are giving in on that in order to make your dp happy, then the first name should be primarily your choice as that seems fair.

I would advise against giving a baby your partner's name unless you are married. If you get married later, then it's easy to change (I did this when I married dh and our son was 2), but if you did split up then you might regret it.

As for your mum, take no notice. My mum hasn't liked all my choices of names, but in the end they were my babies and she had the chance to name her own! The names I chose grew on her in the end, so I think your mum will come around.

I quite like Cassius but Ivander is bloody ugly imo and for that reason alone I would rule dp out as incompetent in the name choosing business.

Why don't you and your dp pick three names you each like and put them in a hat and get someone to pick it out?
Dh named our youngest. I don't love it so nicknamed her instead (I was quite ill after the birth and for some weeks after so dh registered her and picked her name).

You and your DP should come to an honest choice together that you both like , but tell your families to fuck off! It's got nothing to do with them!

Just my opinion - nothing wrong with Oliver or James - but you need to find something you both agree on.

Personally I don't like anything that deviates from sturdy traditional names, so Ivander would be straight out the window I'm afraid! Mind you Cassius was good enough for Helen Windsor to use, don't like it though, sounds like a name you would hear someone yelling at a dog in the park.

Oliver is a very popular name where I live,as well as Jack,Emily and Sophie.
There is an Olivander in dc2 class in school,could that be a comprimise.

The key part of your post is I really liked it and think it really suits him - so trust your gut instincts. If DP wants an Ivander tell him to get a hamster. And your mum will blandly turn round in about 9months and say "I don't know why you had such doubts about Oliver, I've always loved the name"

Although I do like Oliver Cassius

I think Oliver James is a lovely name . I wouldn't take any notice of what your mum thinks. When we named our dd, my mil expressed a strong dislike of the name , but we didn't allow her opinion to change our minds.

Ignore it. Call our baby what you want. My Mum was upset when I named DS2 as Frank. " You can't call him that, he'll get teased". I stuck to my guns and his name suits him. Got with your gut.

your not our

There is nothing wrong with Oliver! Not sure what problem could be found with James either.

Is your DP a boxing fan? Cassius was Muhammed Ali's given name at birth and Ivander (Evander?) Holyfield was also a boxer.

You need to have a proper talk with your DP. Your MIL is being mean.

I do think you nd DP need to agree on a name. Your mother is a total red herring, mine has never liked any of my kids' names (she says they are dated!).

If the name you love is Oliver then talk to him about it; if he is dead set against it then I think you need to find another name you can agree on.

Oliver and James are both very popular, but that's because they are nice names! How about Matthew, Daniel, Charlie, Joseph, Harry, George?

Oliver James is a great name. Don't let your bloody mother decide your baby's name. Ignore her.

Only drawback is isn't Oliver James the name of a famous psych?

Someone I worked with said DD's name was a "chav" name.... And when we told my Mum she repeated it after me in an appalled tone lol!

It's definitely not "chavvy", it's a traditional name but not hugely popular, how that makes a "chav" name I'll never know.

Mum got over it.

Either way what they thought didn't matter at all.

The only people who have to be happy with your name choice is you and DH. Everyone else can poke it.