Mumsnet Talk

Jingle bells batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The batmobile lost its wheel
And the joker got away

Hey!

Deck the halls with poo and wee wee
Falalalalalallalaa
'tis the season to be smelly
Falalalalalalalalaaa

Nope sorry. It must happen all over the place

Scatter -- your school didn't begin with a C, did it??

These are BRILLIANT! Marking place so I can share with DD tomorrow (she's at secondary school so don't need to censor too heavily!)

Ha ha, ridiculous thread, but especially funny after a glass of the Christmas sherry

Another Good King Wenceslas here:

Good King Wenceslas had a fight
With his brother, Stephen
Brother Stephen knocked him out
& laid him flat & even
Brightly shone the bruise that night
Though the pain was cruel
When the Ambulance came in sight
It ran out of fu-e-l

<tumbleweed>

So, it appears, my level of humour is about 5 fathoms filthier than anybody prior to my posts

We got stuck in a really bad traffic jam on the M5 last Friday night.

To entertain DD, I we made up the following ('we' being me, my mum and dad)

To the Power of Love by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

The power of poo,
As it plops in the loo,
Wetting my bum,.
I flush it away,
But it wants to stay,
Deep in the bowl.

It took about 20 minutes to come up with the words and I did start out on my own but mum and dad can proudly claim the last 2 lines.

Cue lots of giggling, DD in fits of laughter and my mum pretending to be disgusted (but ultimately joining in)

I do love silly poo/bum/wee related songs!

Well <hoiks bosom> I think we have found the MN level of humour this evening.....! squeals with delight

ahem...

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows. LIKE A LIGHTBULB

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names. LIKE PINOCCHIO
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games. LIKE MONOPOLY

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say: HO HO HO
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

He said "Fuck off you big fat bastard"
"Put the reigns back on the shelf"
"Go find another reindeer....."
"Or pull the fucking sleigh yourself"

I have to stop myself from singing the rude version (learned off-heart by me aged about 9) each time my DD (aged....9) is belting out the naice version.

Marking this to read during late night feed - love it!

Rude Rolph the bare arsed reindeer
Had a very shiny ring
When he'd been on the curry
His fecking hole would sting & sting
All of the other reindeer
Used to hide the toilet roll
And Rude Rolph the bare arsed reindeer
Went round with a smelly hole

I am crying with laughter at Faunus the Roman Goat God

Lancelottie we used to do that with All Things Bright and Beautiful and (our particular favourite) the three different tunes to Oh Jesus I Have Promised. We'd been taught all three in choir, but always sang the same one in assembly. It seemed a shame not to use the others occasionally

" we wish you a willy Christmas." Any toddler will fall over laughing!

It's not exactly a carol but how about this ( to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory ... )

Bowl of soapy water, wash your stinky feet, Father's cutting his toe-nails, give them to Baby to eat ...

Or ...
We three kings of Leicester Square,
Selling Ladies underware,
Quite fantastic, no elastic
Very unsafe to wear ...

As shepherds washed their socks by night,
Whilst sitting on a bank,
The angel of the lord came down,
And taught them how to.........

Sorry too rude for the kids

Not a rude version, but we used to get a great deal of innocent pleasure from singing the wrong tune to whatever Christmas carol was put up on the board at the end of term -- so the Ilkley Moor tune to Shepherds Watched, or the American version of Away an a manger'.

Sounded 'orrible when sung through the piano plinking out the usual version and the headmistress could only glare impotently at us.

God we were tearaways at that age...

But Larks, there wouldn't be half as much fun to be got from teaching the alternative if they didn't know the original - it would just be a silly song to a random tune. I think the alternatives are more for kids who are past preschool stage, know the carols, and will get a giggle from them. Eg I wouldn't sing 'one in a taxi, one in a car' to my 6 year old as he doesn't know We Three Kings...

And I heard several of these as a child, some from schoolfriends, some from adults - and still love a lot of the original carols

It's a lone YABUI from me. I'm currently trying to teach DS a few carols and dread him coming home with different versions from pre-school. I think it is fair enough for them to make up their own lyrics and feel a bit cool/naughty for doing it, but teaching them our dated versions seems a bit silly really. Sorry to be a bit of a party pooper but I really like proper christmas carols.

I'm crying here

I don't need to teach them, the same old stuff is going round the playground as 35 years ago.

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin ran away,
He lost his pants down in France,
And found them on eBay, hey!

Repeat.

And repeat. And repeat. And repeat...

<rocks>

My gran.

It's a bit dated. Think it was the one my mum sang at school...

Hark, the herald angels sing,
Beachams pills are just the thing
they are gentle, meek and mild
Two for an adult, one for a child
If you want to go to heaven
You must take a dose of seven
If you want to go to hell,
Eat the ruddy box as well...
Hark the herald angels sing
Beechams pills are just the thing.

Actually, the ruddy suggests it was my mum's 1950s version. My Fran wouldn't have been as polite!

Also have you come across Joe Difie's leroy the redneck reindeer? That's fab.
It's hard to get a YouTube link on the phone but its there...

Star of Wonder star of light
Jesus caught his pants alight

When I was 11 my friends very highly strung devout christian mum threw me out of the car for singing that. It was a Reliant Robin so I was quite relieved.

While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All watching ITV
The angel of the Lord came down
And switched to BBC