Mumsnet Talk

And now people are rubber-necking and getting peeved because the op hasn't done her next episode for them. As someone said upthread, it's not bloody East Enders.

I couldn't agree more.

Welcome to mumsnet, rubber necking is the reason most are here.

Well, that and splitting couples up.

Christ this is a long thread, apologies but I've only covered a third or so of it before giving up.

I reckon its drugs, easily hidden in a drawer. But whatever it is, of course the OP can go in & out while he's there as he still has control over how close she gets to them! Its if she goes in without him watching that 'unsafe'.

OP I would do what somebody upthread said, run him a bath & make a copy of the key while he's in the bath. Get a bar of soap & a lighter, heat key up until its warm then put it on a level surface, push soap on top of it until its flush then wipe & replace key. Later fill in the key shape with wax or plaster of paris & take it to the key copy shop.

he's up to something. you need to sneak the key and find out what. but pack first. and get all your documents and evidence of his income etc.

RTBT.

are you joking? 21 pages? stop posting if you don't want people to comment. let it die.

Bloody hell. Just saw this in active and thought there may be an ending. And there's not!

I would wait till after Christmas to deal with this OP, it will not end well. Prepare in the mean time, paperwork at Parents, tell no one until you are ready to deal with the issue.

A locked room with camera's on it is protecting a marriage wrecking secret.

I was married to a secretive man, no point talking to them.

Flow4 "So many people were obviously hoping that her life was about to fall apart... Why would she expose herself to that again?"

No, it's not that we are HOPING her life is falling apart, I personally am just hoping she isn't being a mug and ignoring this or talking to him, giving him more chance to hide it. We have pretty much all agreed there is something really dodgy going on - so why should she have to live like that? Surely it's better just to get in there, find whatever it is and start dealing with it? Instead of ignoring it or giving him warning. If she doesn't act now, how will she feel when it does all come out? Maybe when the police turn up? Or when one of her children find something out? Surely anybody would want to get this sorted asap? If it was my OH it would of been sorted the day I Thought it was dodgy. If it's something that will make her wish he wasn't around her children all this time - she is going to be feeling pretty bad if she does nothing.

We'll have to agree to differ, Lillly, because to my mind we haven't "pretty much all agreed there is something really dodgy going on", and I think the OP is wise to handle this situation carefully and thoughtfully.

OK, so if you found out your next door neighbour was a child abuser or something (not saying he is, but he could be, and this is how they get away with it), and your children had been round their house. You wouldn't think anything of his wife saying she didn't check, despite hundreds of people saying it needs checking out? She thought she may as well just leave him to it so she can avoid an argument?

Oh for goodness sake. I can think of many possible explanations for the OP's husband's behaviour, and all of them are very, very much more likely than him being a child abuser and her not knowing.

To be perfectly honest, I am amazed at the conclusions people are jumping to, on the basis of just a few details...

Imagine this is your husband: you have lived with him for years, shared your lives, had children with him, made love, spent countless hours talking to him and hanging out with him, and generally have a good relationship. One day, you decide he's being a bit of an arse not giving you the key to his den, but you come on MN to see if others agree. Suddenly, a bunch of total strangers who have never met you or your husband decide he's a paedophile and advise you to break into his den and hack his computer.

Would you (a) decide that the internet strangers know your husband better than you and take immediate action to end your marriage; or (b) conclude that some sort of collective hysteria had kicked in, and go and get on with your life?

I know which I'd do.

Agree, as ever, flow

"Bit of an arse"?

OP's own words: "silently fuming"; "I don't like being locked out"; "big issue"; "refusal" and "if he had nothing to hide he would just give me one?"

She's made her own level of disquiet and his intransigence clear AND posted it in AIBU for the benefit of "internet strangers", so not quite sure where this rather snotty attitude of yours has its basis, flow4. The OP herself doesn't seem to be taking the advice/opinions as impertinent, so why should you?

With hacking the computer I found an iPad app (I was on a review blog) that is to keep women out. If someone tries to crack the password it lets them think they have been successful, takes a photo of the person using it and signs them into a fake area of the phone so they can see things but all the things they aren't meant to see are hidden).

It makes me so sad such things even exist. I hope the OP does decide to do something, not for us but for herself, it can't be nice living with such secrecy

What Flow said.

Did you get the garage keys OP?

So because your husband doesn't want you snooping around his work space your going to file for divorce? oh ffs this cannot be serious!
Maybe he's got bodies in there!!!

OP isn't filing for divorce...where did you see that ?

I have a great idea that is perfectly plausible to use. Tell him your lap top is broken. A program won't work, or it won't save. Or take it to work, then "forget" and leave it there. That way he can't check it and you can say someone at work fixed it and bring it home again after. Then ask if you can use his computer.

How could he reasonably say no? If he says no, ask why? He can have no reason to justify it. Just before he is due to go out, ask him if you can use it. Then you have time to to look. If he still insists no, then i think you need to push that conversation further and ask why. You can tell him you find it mighty suspicious and he needs to put your mind at rest. If he chooses not to do that, then....i think you need to rethink what you are going to do with your relationship, and tell him that. Then he knows you are serious and how important it is to you that he is obviously hiding something. If he chooses to let that happen....he has obviously got something bad to hide....

What a roller coaster of opinions thread!

Pen's advice is sensible and plausible, my DH uses his phone to email etc but if he wants to read something long he jumps on MY computer and I have no issue with this because I have nothing to hide.

I hope the op has had an opportunity to talk to her DH.

I really hope that OP is ok. She was probably a bit overwhelmed by the some of the suggestions.

snooping around his workspace
Surely you mean - getting things she needs from a room in her house

Or do you have rooms in your house you aren't allowed to use voice?

I do hope you let us know how things have been lately.
I always worry when I have been emotionally invested in a thread and then see anther woman killed by her husband.
I hope all is well.