To inform the baggy combat wearing, makeup free and greasy ponytail club

(187 Posts)
LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:20:49

. . .who seem to think they are superior parents because of these attributions that they are in no way any better at parenting then i am with my make up on curled hair, slightly too tight jeans and a smile.

And announce that they probably do spend more time thinking about the way they look then putting ''that energy into playing with my children'' than they seem to think.

This is not a thread moaning about the people who dare to wear comfortable clothes and leave the house (i do too occasionally), or who are confident enough to go out without make up on because it matters not too them, but instead about those who declare it is ''because they are to busy to care and would rather play with the kids'' Passive aggressively or maybe those who roll there eyes and nudge there partner in there ribs with gusto if they see someone with a child in tow who fancied wearing high heels to Nandos.

anyone know what this is about?, doesn't the whole ''i'm so relaxed that i don't need to care what people think of me'' end up lost in the convincing everyone that they are doing there kids a favour by not wearing perfume and makeup.

Or is DS going to grow up sideways because of me for spending an extra ten minutes in the bedroom before DP goes to work? grin

HullyEastergully Sun 18-Nov-12 12:27:39

Lola - in essence: just do what you want and don't give a flying fuck what others think.

really.

StickEmUp Sun 18-Nov-12 10:22:57

I get what you mean. I have a friend who was always done up but not so much now she has a baby.
Te only reason i noticed was she goes on and on about not having enough time BUT seemingly wants a medal for having a baby and giving so much of herself up. I get the comments as well as i am childless about how good my life must be and how haaaard ot all is etc.
I practice the glassy eye response, i find it boring and i dont have a medal to give her.

lovestodaydream Sun 18-Nov-12 10:05:20

And I empathise with Dr Coconut. I had this 1st time round, routine based little things make all the difference sometimes xx

lovestodaydream Sun 18-Nov-12 10:03:26

Dear OP, I tried really hard for a while to look presentable on the nursery run (bit of tinted moisturiser, lip balm, hair brushed into a clip) and I genuinely thought I'd pulled it off, until one day DS1 pointed out LOUDLY at the school doors - right in front of head - that I was still wearing my slippers. I applaud anyone who can get a full face on 1st thing AND dress everyone properly!

Now I just concentrate on baby wiping my face and under my arms, hoovering up into my mouth any left over bits of toast and wearing my shoes :-))

I just don't know where time goes in the mornings - maybe it goes on stopping DS1 3yo from doing Spider-Man stunts onto DS2 5 weeks old?

One day I will wear my lovely make up again (and my skinny jeans) - I luffs it.

DrCoconut Sun 18-Nov-12 08:20:06

I remember when DS2 was 2 days old and the midwife came to visit. She seemed genuinely surprised that I was dressed! It was 1pm. Before anyone gets any catwalk type images (I wish) it was just jogging bottoms and a t shirt, not high fashion. I have suffered depression and find that having a certain level of routine and getting up, washed, dressed, bit of makeup if going out etc keeps me out of that rut that it is all to easy to slip into. I'm not bothered if others do the same or not.

edwinbear Sat 17-Nov-12 23:24:33

I have only read the first page of the post. However, I feel I should add that on a Friday morning, when I take my kids swimming, I am a no make up wearing, frizzy haired, Sainsburys tracksuit wearing mum of two. From Mon-Thurs I am a six figure earning, Paul Smithed suited, and Louboutin heeled investment banker. Best not to judge on appearance huh.

gail734 Sat 17-Nov-12 22:54:53

My DD (first baby) is 4 months old. I spend two precious minutes in the morning slapping on some makeup because a) it makes me feel better, and b) I think it creates an impression that I am "coping". (I'm not doing badly, but if I go out looking a mess I am a bit concerned that I'll be judged.) I wear very comfy clothes, but not pyjamas! If I see a mum with a pram who's really "done up", I'm in awe of her. I think, "Wow, when did you get time to do that?" If I see a mum who looks a bit of a state, I feel sympathetic. My hair used to be a surprisingly labour intensive, shiny bob. It's been in a spiky little pony since DD was born! I think it says a lot that I never look better than when I visit the health visitor's clinic to have DD weighed - I'm secretly convinced that if I turn up there without at least lipstick and mascara on, that she'll note it down in the red book! "Mum has lost all self esteem." I know this is mad!!

lljkk Sat 17-Nov-12 22:38:57

I am make-up free scruffy but find it hard to give a rats arse how other people dress.

Evangelical people wind me up something rotten.

But Smug people just usually make me laugh*. OP, just.. find a way to pity them if you must take notice at all.

(*Make note to self apply that principle to Smug MNers. But it's so much funner when you can easily nitpick about everything else you see & observe about them in person that isn't so perfect, don't get the rich imperfect details online.)

pointythings Sat 17-Nov-12 22:34:19

I think you're right, OP. And that mystifies me. We must live in a very shallow world when the issue of wearing make-up, or not, is used as a measure of worthiness. Honestly, don't we have anything better to think about? I'm thinking about Israel and Gaza at the moment, and the whole war paint/no war paint thing just pales into insignificance.

My appearance is not one of the things I take pride in, for the most part. Though I am fond of my lovely grey hair, I have had people ask me where I get my streaks done grin. I take pride in the quality of my work, the achievements of my DDs, my baking and jewellery making skills. Oh, and my ability to make cake disappear.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 17-Nov-12 22:33:11

This entire thread is like a parallel universe!

Obviously saying that in a totally non smug way.

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 22:32:25

I used to wear make up, loads of it (im an 80s child, what can i say!) but now i NEVER wear it. When i wore it, if i wasn't wearing any i felt i looked terrible, now i feel i look better without it. I stopped wearing it the day my DP told me i looked beautiful without it grin that was 20 years ago!

I wouldn't look down my nose at someone who was made up and well presented at the school run, i might be a bit hmm if she was dressed for a nightclub, but different strokes for different folks, i bet your DDs (if you have them) love their glam mummy.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 22:28:13

i don't think it is the not wearing makeup that = smugness , it is the minority who think them not wearing make up is something worth being smug about, same as the women who wear a lot of make p and do there hair and are smug about it to those who don't, there is a whole ''i'm better than you '' thing going on, one way it is

''I'm better than you because i take pride in my appearance''
and the other. . .

''i'm better than you because i am so above makeup''

Neither of them are prevalent in everyday settings but they are there.

pointythings Sat 17-Nov-12 22:23:14

I don't get the whole being smug because I'm not wearing make-up thing confused. I know the Mail thinks women who go out without make-up are either brave or stupid, but I don't buy into it. We're just people making choices, aren't we?

I think it's very hard not to get drawn into the whole competitive mum at the school gate thing. In the days when I dropped off DD1, I was the only mum there who worked full time, and only a very small handful of people wanted to know me. So I just talked to them and their DCs and didn't give it another thought. I think that takes a certain amount of thick skin though.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 22:18:55

Never mind if it does that post was totally unnecessary, as was my own but some people really do post like arseholes.

lljkk Sat 17-Nov-12 22:15:17

Oooh.... fight, fight, fight.
That's seriously gonna get reported/deleted.

Smug people are annoying, yanbu on that part.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 22:06:48

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

amarylisnightandday Sat 17-Nov-12 22:04:22

Op - I get you. I've had the comments. Not lately as I don't meet new mums that often now - I'm firmly in a quiche grinbut I remember them from a few baby groups in the past.
From what I can gather the make up thing either goes against the 'motherhood is total chaos and equally challenging for all women' or.........the make up is a sign or organisation skills of which the judgey types are envious of. Not to say that not wearing it makes you disorganised - far from it - just that maybe that's a reason for the butchy comments.

CockyPants Sat 17-Nov-12 22:02:09

Boring.
OP needs to get out more.

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:58:40

i did boulevard!

from 14/15 i was into make-up, heels, straightened hair, manicured nails. this continued until about 4 years ago. i wouldn't have taken the post out of the letter box without make-up on and my hair straightened. when i got pregnant with ds2 and became depressed i just didn't have the energy or motivation. i was off work sick alot and didn't see the point in make-up if i wasn't going anywhere, and then it got worse. i'm at a point now where i prefer to wear make up if i'm going somewhere specific but for just day to day school run and quick nips into the shop i dont bother and i'm fine with that. people who know me know it doesn't change who i am whether i'm made up or not. and people who dont know me dont matter.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:58:28

thanks booy i have a long way to go until i am not insecure at all, a long way i always worry what people think of me, way too much.

but this was not about paranoia or my insecurity this was a real thing that someone saw fit to say out loud that is what pissed me off.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:55:30

Than you boulevard i just really laughed at ''greasy combat and baggy ponytail club ''

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:54:13

oh it is rude. i agree with you. as others have said, get practising on either throwing it back at her/them or on completely ignoring. i think you'll feel better if you can get yourself to a place where you dont care. it is about self esteem and being secure enough in your own choices. it takes time and no-one is 100% confident all the time, but save your unsure moments for the ones that matter. anyone else's opinion of what you do with ten minutes in the morning REALLY doesn't matter. remember that lots of people dont voice opinions and you are trotting along in life without ever knowing what they think of you. and it doesn't matter does it? their opinions dont have an effect on the choices you make. the fact that someone has (in an underhand way) voiced their opinion shouldn't change that. it's just another opinion, but louder than others you dont hear. they are not important people in your life so dont give their opinions any thought at all.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Sat 17-Nov-12 21:53:43

It's funny, isn't it; by the age of 16 maybe? possibly younger... girls have split into the ones who are going to wear make-up every day for the rest of their lives, and the ones who aren't. Wonder if anyone ever changes camps?

I'm a member of the greasy combat and baggy ponytail club myself, but I'd never be rude to you about it. Intimidated by your blatant togetherness maybe, and I guess for some people that might translate into rudeness.
Although I would add that my DM takes about an hour to do her hair and make-up, and it is fucking irritating if you're trying to go anywhere <grinds teeth>

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:53:20

It was at a playgroup, but it is something i spoke about with my sister and she has experienced similar, then i was out for lunch and the woman at the table next to us watched a woman walk in dressed nicely wearing heels and said to her DP ''god some people are so pathetic it's only nandos and she's done up like that, poor kids''

They wear not poor kids they were happy ones.

Have also seen it written on here.

Narked Sat 17-Nov-12 21:48:48

Ah. It's people you know doing it, not strangers?

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