I can't stand it anymore! I need to know if i AIBU?!

(134 Posts)
SmallBump48 Wed 14-Nov-12 17:23:13

Every week we see my Inlaws, we go for a meal round there and at least one other visit during the week for a cuppa/Visits from them.

MIL also rings DH every other day at around 10pm at night and then moans if he doesnt pick up When we are in bed together

So the last four days went like this...

Saturday: Spent all day with them.
Sunday: Spent half the day with them.
Monday: 2 hour phone call to DH from MIL.
Tuesday: Visited for about 3 hours in the evening.
Today: Another 2 hour phone call to DH.

I talked to DH about needing some time to ourselves in the evenings/weekends as he works 8/10 hour days. He told me that we do spend time together... "Sitting watching TV" and says that he would find spending the day just me him and our DD "Boring".

Ever since we have been together me and DH havent been out just to two of us and i have dropped plenty of hints that i would love if he planned a trip to the cinema and a couple of drinks after just me and him one weekend, Again this would be boring to him.

So this evening i told him that i do not want to visit nor want any visitors for the rest of the week as i want to just spend time with me, Him and our DD. He thought that i was being extremely unreasonable "Pushing his family away".

I see my family once a week and this is enough for me as i think we have our own family now and need to make time for us but DH cannot do anything without mentioning his MIL and is always saying that he wants us to go over there to see them and if i dont want to he starts a big arguement about how unreasonable i am being because it would just be a "Quick visit" But it always turns into a 3 hour one

I am sick of seeing my Inlaws so much, I do not get on with them anyway as they have voiced how i am not "Good" enough for DH as i am not at all academic and i am not intelligent enough And not as skinny nor pretty as his previous partner which his sister voiced when she met me but i am always kind and considerate to them.

It has become to much now, DH wants to see them 4 times a week and i just think that it is way to much! An example of how much he values them is when me and DH were watching a film, Just put DD to bed and were cuddling on the sofa when he gets a text from MIL saying ring her, She would love to hear from him. I told him to ring her tomorrow as we were spending time together and he got so angry with me that it turned into an arguement, He eventually sat down After telling me how unreasonable i had been and about 5 minutes later said that he was going to the loo. An hour later i find him on the phone to MIL whilst sitting on the bath!

AIBU to want some space and for DH to make more effort with spending time as a family?

CinnabarRed Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:30

And, FWIW, as he thinks that spending time with you is boring (and has demonstrated as much by never being alone with you) then you've got serious, potentially fatal, flaws in your relationship. I'm very sorry.

NatashaBee Wed 14-Nov-12 18:41:54

This sounds ridiculous. How did you even manage to date/ get to the point of getting married if he was constantly attached to his mother?

BastardSpiders Wed 14-Nov-12 18:44:26

You have two choices.

1) Put up with this.

2) Divorce

Osmiornica Wed 14-Nov-12 18:45:21

I can understand not having been out together since having children but even before? I don't get it. You've never even been out for a walk together/meal/holiday? Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me if he finds you boring. I'd not be able to get past that to be honest let alone all the other issues.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Wed 14-Nov-12 18:46:52

I'd feel so hurt at being branded boring sad Particularly by someone as dull as your husband sounds!

I couldnt live like this. I'd have to get out. You and the DD you have together should be his priority. Spending time with you both should be his absolute favourite thing to do in his spare time. But he'd rather have chats on the phone to his mum who he only saw earlier in the day or the day before that last FUCKING HOURS!?!

He needs to change his ways or how on earth can you all go on like this? Utterly miserable for all of you.

And his family sound like knobs btw.

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:48:48

Oh love, this is outrageous!!

so, he's only been like this since you had DD? or got together?It sounds like he can't handle the family thing at all. sad

I agree, you need to sit him down, and say, this changes or I am out of here. You can't go on like this can you?? I know I definitely couldn't, he's showing total lack of respect for you by treating you like second best, and your poor DD, don't let her be a poor second, take control. He's a twat.

AllYoursBabooshka Wed 14-Nov-12 18:53:20

about 5 minutes later said that he was going to the loo. An hour later i find him on the phone to MIL whilst sitting on the bath!

That is so strange. confused

What did he say when you found him there?

The whole thing is strange, I couldn't live like that.

Floralnomad Wed 14-Nov-12 18:55:50

Are you absolutely sure he was on the phone to his mother ?

VirginiaDare Wed 14-Nov-12 19:01:08

What ever posessed you to have a child with a man who has NEVER taken you out alone?

Onetwothreeoops Wed 14-Nov-12 19:05:07

Floralnomad that was my first thought too, but I do have an overly suspicious mind...

idococktailshedoesbeer Wed 14-Nov-12 19:09:38

It sounds like he is trying to escape you and your child. You deserve better.

lottiegarbanzo Wed 14-Nov-12 19:10:40

Have you posted before about this relationship, perhaps under a different name?

I recall a poster a few months go with a similar husband / MIL history. The issue presented was a clash of birthday celebrations. It turned out he was a nasty, controlling arse and she under-confident and absurdly grateful for the relationship.

If that wasn't you, I suppose the good news is you're not alone. On the other hand...

Jajas Wed 14-Nov-12 19:11:55

Is this possibly a cultural thing?

Raspberrysorbet Wed 14-Nov-12 19:16:29

You have never gone out alone? Not even when you were dating?

Never ever?

That's enough for me. I can't even start on the mummy thing.....

What do you like about him? Is he a good dad? Do you have fun together (together with other people, obv hmm)? Is he affectionate with you? Does he make you laugh?

Floggingmolly Wed 14-Nov-12 19:19:33

I honestly couldn't stay with someone who wouldn't be alone with me because it "would be too boring" hmm. Are you seriously ok with that?

JackThePumpkinKing Wed 14-Nov-12 20:37:58

Are you alright OP?

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Wed 14-Nov-12 20:48:15

YANBU. How hurtful of him to say that he finds his wife and child boring sad It sounds like he agrees with his family that you're beneath him (you're not) and is using that to justify his outrageous behaviour.

Honestly, I would leave him to it. Sort out your own social life, your weekend activities with DD and let him spend 'quality time' with his mummy hmm

discrete Wed 14-Nov-12 20:57:33

Ever since we have been together me and DH havent been out just to two of us

If it's always been like this, were you OK with it in the past?

It is normal to have less time alone as a couple when you have young children, but if you didn't have it even before you had your dd, then that's much more worrying.

What was your relationship like before you were married and had your dd, and how long did that last for?

discrete Wed 14-Nov-12 20:58:13

sorry, that first line was supposed to be in quote marks, it's from your OP.

Are you ok, OP?

nilbyname Wed 14-Nov-12 21:45:36

Jesus, he sounds mad and weirdly attached to his mum.

I would give him a choice, pull away from MIL and spend time as a family unit and work on that. Or, he can go home to his mama and you will quite happily contact CSA and work out visits with DD.

How horrible for you.

Sounds totally extreme, is it as bad as you describe?

Fakebook Wed 14-Nov-12 21:51:19

What a weirdo.

What kind of person says you're not as skinny or pretty as a previous gf to the new gf's face?! I find that strange

SoleSource Wed 14-Nov-12 21:51:21

I feel he will never change and there is more to this on his part.

Life is too short. Enough now.

StuntGirl Wed 14-Nov-12 23:16:24

The fact he said he finds you boring is horrible sad

The fact he spends an unatural amount of time with someone else (doesn't matter who it is) is sort of secondary to that really.

If you didn't have kids I'd advise you run away from this weirdo sad

Mousefunk Wed 14-Nov-12 23:55:39

I'm also inclined to question whether it is really his mother he is seeing/on phone to... sad

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