MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

(544 Posts)
toomanydaisies Wed 14-Nov-12 06:42:49

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

toomanydaisies Wed 28-Nov-12 19:17:32

A great idea for when my dc are older and I'm less "controlling" about giving them chocolate every day, of course... smile

toomanydaisies Wed 28-Nov-12 19:19:00

Can't remember the gin suggester but she linked to the ginvent calendar that you can buy at selfridges. And other places too no doubt. It was out if stock though. More's the pity.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Wed 28-Nov-12 19:23:21

no, not gin but that would be good for the op, not so good for dcs! she said open choc in the morning & the picture one at night with a story about the picture.
fwiw, we have not managed a decent calendar yet - one year dc1 (aged 2 or 3) ate the whole lot behind the settee whilst i was busily putting up the decs. two years we just forget and end up doing 2 or 3 windows at a time. not quite the spirit.

elizaregina Wed 28-Nov-12 19:24:21

Too if your still there - I dont think you are BU.

Its soo funny you posted this - as to be honest buying a calender hasnt been a huge thing for me so far with DD 5 - this year however I saw some AMAZING german hand glittered calenders in a shop called Mayhew or maythers? I spent ages choosing one too - and then remebered my MIL gets DD a crap cadburys choc crossed my mind too that my lovely sugar plum fairy one wouldnt seem as great next to a crap choc one....that she spent two secs choosing...whilst i was lost in the world of amazing advent calenders...they were amazing...

However last time she gave one - I actually ate all the choclate myself - and on one day....

i agree with people to not sweat the small stuff - smile and either dont pass it on - give it away or eat chock yourself...or as you said let older child have two.

my MIl doesnt give a crap about the fact this is my time to parent - she celebrates xmas on xmas eve - and when dd was just 3 and therefore - her first proper - understanding xmas - she went to MIL on xmas eve and they all opened thier presents =- the next day DD was TOTALLy presented out - and not interested, I had spent months getting little bits and peices - i was gutted.

The following year when the comandment to go there for xmas eve came thru - my DH expalined why - we didnt want her to go there xmas eve - they couldnt give a *uck - simply said " well how do you manage to cook lunch if you open presents the same day? The XXXXXX tend to get the presents out the way on xmas eve so they can concentrate on the lunch".

I felt like saying " we are very clever here in teh UK - and like most of the country we manage to open presents AND cook a MEAL - for no particular time on the SAME DAY".

As others have said if you MiL WAS nice and you felt you could talk to her - you wouldnt be in this predicament - I wish people would sometimes give the poster the benefit of the doubt!

cloutiedumpling Wed 28-Nov-12 19:25:31

Drat. I just sent a friend two chocolate advent calendars for her DCs. I always wanted a chocolate advent calendar when I was a kid so thought it was a great present until I saw this thread! Oops.

toomanydaisies Wed 28-Nov-12 19:32:09

eliza wow - thank you. That's an epic post and goes a long way to explaining how flipping complicated it can be! I'd be really hurt if my dc were presented out on Christmas Day too.

cloutie ah, she'll probably love them! If you're really worried then call her and tell her that some mad mums online have made you worry smile

Oblomov Wed 28-Nov-12 19:50:02

That's not fair Aitch.
AND, I don't normally call other MN's into the equation, BUT DrsWife was one of the only people who agreed with OP. And I know DrsWife from a very intense 2 years of very intense daily postings on both AN and then PN threads. AND I hadn't see her for ages, until I 'bumped' into her again the other day on a thread. So it seemed not unreasonable to call upon practically the only person who hadn't said that the Op was being unreasonable, to justify the response that I was noto as the Op had called me , such a bully. which is a pretty strong acqusation.
So no, I don't think its UNBELIEVABLE.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Wed 28-Nov-12 20:36:17


the thread was dying off... why come back to make such a spectacular attack and then, when the person said she felt bullied by you, make a point of mentioning how nice you are and how you can back that up with real actual people, which is precisely the sort of thing that bullies do.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 28-Nov-12 22:07:45

I also agreed with the op

HumphreyCobbler Wed 28-Nov-12 22:17:53

lots of people agreed with the OP, including me

RosemaryHoyt Wed 28-Nov-12 22:58:36

I don't. My mother insisted on a picture advent calendar when we were children. I LIVED for the day I could finally get a chocolate one.

OP, I thought you were being a tad petty but nothing to warrant the comments you've received on this thread. Why don't you hide it now?

Decemberinthesun Thu 29-Nov-12 03:25:42

I too am a bit fussy about what GP's buy my children. I wouldn't stress over an advent calendar though and would have serious difficulty trying not to scoff it myself. I try to influence what GP's buy my kids because mostly they are wasting their money. If GP's had put a fiver in the bank every time they bought a wasted present my kids would now have enough for a deposit on a house. My Dad just sent us 29, yes 29 presents!!! MIL is better in that she asks what to buy them. mostly I say PJ's or clothes because that is what they need. Sounds manipulative, but we seriously have too much junk and my kids play with hardly anything. I hope granny doesn't think I am being controlling and not letting her do whatever, but I have always tried to tell her not to buy stuff, but take them somewhere or do some arts and crafts with them. Advent calendars are OK though, but 4 is enough IMO.

exoticfruits Thu 29-Nov-12 07:18:01

The way that some people think they can have control over everyone once they have children gives me the urge to be a disgraceful granny who breaks the rules!

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 29-Nov-12 10:55:17

Exotic it's not unreasonable at all to have control over your own baby eating chocolate,its not controling everybody else at all IMO its rather fucked up that you view it that way.

exoticfruits Thu 29-Nov-12 17:32:54

You can control your own baby eating chocolate- you can't control someone giving it as a present.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 29-Nov-12 21:07:40

Fair enough but if they do despite knowing your views on the matter then they should know its not a gift for the baby it's one for mum/ dad to eat, we may actually be on to something, anybody fancy sending my baby some nice dark chocolate he really likes the ones full of brandy grin

Horsemad Thu 29-Nov-12 22:07:31

I agree Sock - when MIL bought 9 month old DS a Thornton's Easter egg, she got in a strop when I ate it, even though I'd forewarned her grin

Marshy Thu 29-Nov-12 22:37:24

I am a step-GM to 5 and have teenagers myself, so can remember what it is like to have little ones, but am also in the position of GP. It's a bit mind boggling at times!

DH and I have a 6yr old GD who has a baby brother. We have bought a Lindt choc reindeer for them both, and an advent calendar each (same for my teenagers as they would be gutted if they missed out!) I don't really expect the baby to eat all of the chocolate because I kind of expect the sensible parents to exercise their parental responsibility and give the baby what they deem right. I don't really mind who eats the chocolate. It's more about treating both GC fairly. I think 6yr old would be a bit put out if baby brother didn't get one too and I would be mortified if parents returned the gifts. I would rather they ate it themselves or gave it away!

I remember one year when my DM bought my 2 advent calendars. The youngest was about 2 and it caused such a fuss every morning that one day, probably around December 5th, I let him open and eat every one just to get it over and done with! Each piece was a tiny bit of chocolate, so it didn't amount to a great deal. He's now 15, tall and slim with perfect teeth and a pretty healthy apparently no harm done.

OP - I think you ABU. It's perfectly possible to establish Christmas traditions without having to upset your MIL. And you really do need to chill about the chocolate, and just do what you think is right although for me that would be to let them have some, and probably the non-choc advent as well.

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