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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

543 replies

toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 06:42

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 14/11/2012 06:48

YABU why can't they have 2? And why can't a 1 year old have a bare mouthful of chocolate a day for Christmas?

BoundandRebound · 14/11/2012 06:49

Unreasonable and OTT

NarcolepsyQueen · 14/11/2012 06:51

She didn't check with you first? To buy an advent calendar?!!!

Tinkerisdead · 14/11/2012 06:51

My mum does this. I do an activity advent calender and she always come round with some character calender hoping my dd will swoon over it. But i just put it up and then only open it if she remembers to ask for it. Otherwise we just focus on my activity one.

I know everyone will come on saying yabu, its part of being a grandma blah blah but i dont get it myself. My mum always bought mine ironically non chocolate one yet insists in pushing one on my dd. i dont get why they latch on to the advent calender esp if they arent there each day at the opening?

FernandoIsFaster · 14/11/2012 06:52

What's the harm in having 2 advent calendars? Really? I know it's annoying and believe me I have been there with MIL issues, but in the grand scheme of things she is just excited about Xmas and isn't trying to hi-jack your traditions.

Could you not just bite the one year old's choc in half and eat half yourself, a tiny piece of choc a day won't hurt.

wouldratherbeonthebeach · 14/11/2012 06:52

Save the ones with chocolate to use a reward system during the year. I buy loads now and keep them. If they go to bed well/behave etc they are allowed to open it as a treat. Works brilliantly for my dc age 5 and 7. And yes it is irritating when MIL gets busy Wink

lightrain · 14/11/2012 06:52

It's chocolate, not poison! Total overreaction - sorry. They can have two.

Follyfoot · 14/11/2012 06:52

Mmm sorry but YABU. Some battles are worth fighting, this definitely isnt one of them.

WidowWadman · 14/11/2012 06:53

What's wrong with having 2? Why can't a 1 year old not have a small piece of chocolate a day over a limited period of time?

Can't believe then other DIL gave them back!So ungrateful and unneccessarily hurtful.

Original poster
toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 06:53

I'd rather they only had 1 because otherwise it's not that special.

I know I'm being a bit ott. It's just that I feel that my mil takes away some of the special parent/child traditions.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 14/11/2012 06:53

You are being very controlling, you need to pick your battles. Poor mil, do you really think she should have to get permission to buy her grandchildren a gift. Your reaction sounds like she gave them a box of matches to play with.

Original poster
toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 06:55

And my 1 year old is not having chocolate! It's not a treat for her, she doesn't have a clue what it is Smile

OP posts:
CailinDana · 14/11/2012 06:57

Oh FFS your poor MIL. If my MIL bought my DS an advent calendar I'd be over the moon - it's a lovely gesture. What's wrong with a 1 year old having one small piece of chocolate a day? It's Christmas! I don't get your reference to "cramming" the chocolate in their mouth - are your children not able to eat normally?

Christmas is supposed to involve being nice to people and being grateful for gifts. Try and have a kinder heart, please, just for a month. It won't hurt.

Original poster
toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 06:58

Thank you for all your replies. It's good to know that a few people sympathise! To the rest, yes I know I'm overreacting (a bit). But it's not just any old gift. It's part of Christmas. Mil tried to get dd a stocking but I was firm about that because I'd made her one. Mil didn't understand why I wouldn't want a "proper" one from M&S. gah!

OP posts:
lunar1 · 14/11/2012 06:59

Is you mil allowed to have any part of Christmas? Is your mum?

Original poster
toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 06:59

cailin of course my children can eat properly. I just don't like chocolate advent calendars. I haven't insulted my mil. She doesn't know I'm annoyed.

OP posts:
MummyPig24 · 14/11/2012 06:59

Yabu. It's one tiny bit of chocolate, eat the 1yr olds piece yourself if you're that precious about it.

Original poster
toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 07:00

lunar um, yes. They're both staying with us for Christmas. And both are very welcome.

OP posts:
diddl · 14/11/2012 07:00

My children used to have one of each.

She has bought a different type to you.

It really isn´t worth bothering about imo.

I say this as someone who wasted too much time/energy stressing over what MIL said/did & looking for motives that weren´t there.

We don´t get on-it´s as simple as that-but she doesn´t hate me or wish me ill & she loves the kids.

Are Advent calendars ever that special?

OpheliaPayneAgain · 14/11/2012 07:01

Your one year old hasn't got a clue what Christmas is either so there is no point getting all het up about it. You don't even need to give a one year old an advent calender.

Why can't they have two stockings?

You can't control all of Christmas, other people are involved too.

I really feel sorry for your MIL, two quite precious DILs to cope with - don't either of her sons have a backbone?

SugaricePlumFairy · 14/11/2012 07:01

I think you are being unreasonable, it's a small piece of chocolate which won't cause any harm.

I feel for your MiL that her other DiL gave them back.

Mine still have one each , they're 17, 15 and 13 Grin.

hurricanewyn · 14/11/2012 07:01

Why not have a morning & evening one? Open yours just before bed time, then go to bed discussing the picture/activity. Maybe even read a themed bed time story for each night of advent? I think that could be a lovely tradition.

Original poster
toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 07:02

Why would a child have 2 stockings?!? That's just weird!

OP posts:
Original poster
toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 07:02

Thank you huricane good idea

OP posts:
WofflingOn · 14/11/2012 07:03

Well, I think YABU, but it is your family so you get to be as daft as you like.
I have a very odd relative who seems similar in outlook to you and restricts her children's experiences to a narrow band that she approves of, and we all humour her politely without getting annoyed because that's just how she is.
My mum gives all her grandchildren a tacky chocolate advent calendar bar two and the rest of us are fine with it. She's posting DD's to Uni for her.