MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

(544 Posts)
toomanydaisies Wed 14-Nov-12 06:42:49

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

WofflingOn Wed 14-Nov-12 07:03:49

Well, I think YABU, but it is your family so you get to be as daft as you like.
I have a very odd relative who seems similar in outlook to you and restricts her children's experiences to a narrow band that she approves of, and we all humour her politely without getting annoyed because that's just how she is.
My mum gives all her grandchildren a tacky chocolate advent calendar bar two and the rest of us are fine with it. She's posting DD's to Uni for her.

toomanydaisies Wed 14-Nov-12 07:04:39

Can I ask another question then. Do you have ANY part of Christmas or Birthday celebrations that you feel you want to have sole responsibility for? As the parent of your dc? That you wouldn't want a grandparent to take charge of (unless you had asked/agreed)?

marriedinwhite Wed 14-Nov-12 07:05:05

And I jolly well hope she will never find out you are annoyed. She is being nice and trying to do nice things for her grandchildren. She has shown her grandchildren kindness and generosity and I am assuming has done so from and with love. How about you behave with a little good grace and teach your children one of the best lessons of all: courtesy and thankfulness.

CailinDana Wed 14-Nov-12 07:05:08

It doesn't matter whether you like chocolate calendars or not, the present was for your children, from their grandmother. And most children do like chocolate. I can understand people not wanting GPs to discipline children, or make other important decisions, but to get annoyed about them buying presents?? That really is going way too far. You are being very mean spirited.

coldcupoftea Wed 14-Nov-12 07:05:27

I bought my two playmobil calenders this year as I wanted to avoid chocolate ones. Then MIL turned up with chocolate ones anyway and gave them to the DC.

I was slightly annoyed for maybe a nanosecond. She didn't know how I felt, and it's not that big a deal tbh.

WofflingOn Wed 14-Nov-12 07:05:39

Second stocking at Epiphany?
On Boxing day, a time to consider relatives and exchange gifts?
On 28th of December, which is The Feast of the Holy Innocents?
Or just tell her no.

LST Wed 14-Nov-12 07:06:59

Yabu. I can't wait for my DS 1 to get his off gp

WofflingOn Wed 14-Nov-12 07:07:19

'Can I ask another question then. Do you have ANY part of Christmas or Birthday celebrations that you feel you want to have sole responsibility for? As the parent of your dc? That you wouldn't want a grandparent to take charge of (unless you had asked/agreed)?'

We do negotiation and compromise big time here, but then my two are 21 and almost 18, so we've had a lot of years to practise.

toomanydaisies Wed 14-Nov-12 07:07:24

woffling grin

marchwillsoonbehere Wed 14-Nov-12 07:07:25

Why would a child have 2 stockings?!? That's just weird!

Well because they have extended families who want to spoil them. Not ideal but hey, that's how it rolls sometimes.

Honestly OP you just need to relax a bit!

I know AIBU is all about sweating the small stuff, and good on ya for bringing it here, but for Pete's sake if you never have anything worse to get stressed about you will be lucky indeed!

KidderminsterKate Wed 14-Nov-12 07:07:57

I think you meed to get over yourself. People are very snobby about character choc calendars but the kids like them so really what is the harm?

I am lol at them 'getting excited about the picture not the chocolate'.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Wed 14-Nov-12 07:08:04

You did say chocolate advent calenders right? not Cyanide ones?

Yes YABU, it's hardly a big deal.

Give them the calenders at different times of the day? Or you've got a few weeks to go still til advent starts, hide them away (the chocolate ones) and "forget where you put them". then present the "beautful but boring non chocolate ones to your DC on 1st december.

EMS23 Wed 14-Nov-12 07:08:13

You obviously don't think YABU so why ask?!
I think YABU though. My SIL is so mean to my mum who is only ever trying to be a good grandma and I see the hurt it causes my mum. It's heartbreaking, it really is.

Tailtwister Wed 14-Nov-12 07:09:20

I really wouldn't stress about it. Just let them have 2. Surely you can get away with not allowing the 1 yo to have the chocolate?

Christmas is about family. Imo that includes GP's, cousins etc. Try not to get so stressed about such a small thing. Save your strength for the coming years!

CailinDana Wed 14-Nov-12 07:09:44

I think your question about Christmas and Birthdays is strange. You seem to see your role as "controlling" these events when in fact you are one of a (hopefully) lovely group of loved ones celebrating together. These events are not about being "top dog" - it's about ensuring the children/birthday person have the best time they can.

marchwillsoonbehere Wed 14-Nov-12 07:11:57

Can I ask another question then. Do you have ANY part of Christmas or Birthday celebrations that you feel you want to have sole responsibility for? As the parent of your dc? That you wouldn't want a grandparent to take charge of (unless you had asked/agreed)?

Oh FFS it's Christmas, a pagan celebration, and now an over commercialised marketing fest, not open heart surgery! You really are a control freak aren't you? If I were your DM and DMiL I would be arranging a nice relazing break in December well away from you (come to think of it, that's what I AM doing grin

WofflingOn Wed 14-Nov-12 07:12:04

'I know AIBU is all about sweating the small stuff, and good on ya for bringing it here, but for Pete's sake if you never have anything worse to get stressed about you will be lucky indeed!'

Oh yes.
Oh yes indeedy.
Relative is finding that out as her two get older and begin peek over the edge of the nest and see what they are missing out on and asking 'Why?'
We have numerous traditions attached to different festivals, and are happy to add to them as the years roll by rather than see it as an either/or situation.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Wed 14-Nov-12 07:12:13

It's really no big deal!

We always have 2 Advents in this house, that's a nice tradition! 1 choccie, one other type.

Your MIL meant well and want to bring your dc's pleasure, what can be wrong with thatconfused

toomanydaisies Wed 14-Nov-12 07:12:53

kidderminster but my dc are little. My 5 year old really does get excited about the pictures! In a few years I won't care about chocolate advent calendars but while they're little and I can keep as much commercial crap out of Christmas as I can then I'd like to do that.

I think that if any thought had gone into it I'd be a lot more grateful. But mil just picked up the first chocolate one she saw. Dh and I spent ages (ok, 5 minutes!) chosing calendars we knew our oldest dc would love.

toomanydaisies Wed 14-Nov-12 07:15:22

march no, no, please come and have Christmas with me!

CailinDana Wed 14-Nov-12 07:15:42

Look you are being ridiculously controlling. Just because your MIL didn't agonise for hours over what to buy doesn't mean her present is worth nothing. And I doubt 1 piece of chocolate a day will destroy the magic of Christmas for your children. You seem determined to think you're right, so good luck to you.

HissyByName Wed 14-Nov-12 07:15:47

Ah, come on.. somehow MIL has had her advent calendar, stocking time, WITH HER OWN DC.

My nan was the best in.the world, but she didn't butt in on my mothers christmas with my sister and me.

My mum is however doing the whole 2 stockings thing, and tbh, I'm going to put a stop to it. She has control/ boundary issues which I've only now realised the extent of.

OHforDUCKScake Wed 14-Nov-12 07:17:09

I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old and we all have a chocolate calendar and Im buying a nice detailed glittery non chocolate one next week because tbh the chocolate ones are shite.

Surely the 1 year old wont even want the chocolate? Mine probably wont and Im not sure Id give him a chocolate Every Day (although they are small so I might).

I think its a fuss about nothing really, its part of the fun.

diddl Wed 14-Nov-12 07:17:17

"Do you have ANY part of Christmas or Birthday celebrations that you feel you want to have sole responsibility for?"

Yes, I did-but then I grew up & realised that I´m not the only one who loves my kids.

DragonMamma Wed 14-Nov-12 07:18:10

YABVU op but you clearly aren't looking for genuine opinions on this, from what I can see.

My DS is 18mo and will be having a chocolate advent calendar bought by my DM and there's a bloody boring wooden one that we crack out every year.

You seem very controlling over events, my DCs are children of the family and we all share and include others on long standing traditions. I certainly don't make up new ones purposely to control the event.

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