Mumsnet Talk

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

YABU why can't they have 2? And why can't a 1 year old have a bare mouthful of chocolate a day for Christmas?

Unreasonable and OTT

She didn't check with you first? To buy an advent calendar?!!!

My mum does this. I do an activity advent calender and she always come round with some character calender hoping my dd will swoon over it. But i just put it up and then only open it if she remembers to ask for it. Otherwise we just focus on my activity one.

I know everyone will come on saying yabu, its part of being a grandma blah blah but i dont get it myself. My mum always bought mine ironically non chocolate one yet insists in pushing one on my dd. i dont get why they latch on to the advent calender esp if they arent there each day at the opening?

What's the harm in having 2 advent calendars? Really? I know it's annoying and believe me I have been there with MIL issues, but in the grand scheme of things she is just excited about Xmas and isn't trying to hi-jack your traditions.

Could you not just bite the one year old's choc in half and eat half yourself, a tiny piece of choc a day won't hurt.

Save the ones with chocolate to use a reward system during the year. I buy loads now and keep them. If they go to bed well/behave etc they are allowed to open it as a treat. Works brilliantly for my dc age 5 and 7. And yes it is irritating when MIL gets busy

It's chocolate, not poison! Total overreaction - sorry. They can have two.

Mmm sorry but YABU. Some battles are worth fighting, this definitely isnt one of them.

What's wrong with having 2? Why can't a 1 year old not have a small piece of chocolate a day over a limited period of time?

Can't believe then other DIL gave them back!So ungrateful and unneccessarily hurtful.

I'd rather they only had 1 because otherwise it's not that special.

I know I'm being a bit ott. It's just that I feel that my mil takes away some of the special parent/child traditions.

You are being very controlling, you need to pick your battles. Poor mil, do you really think she should have to get permission to buy her grandchildren a gift. Your reaction sounds like she gave them a box of matches to play with.

And my 1 year old is not having chocolate! It's not a treat for her, she doesn't have a clue what it is

Oh FFS your poor MIL. If my MIL bought my DS an advent calendar I'd be over the moon - it's a lovely gesture. What's wrong with a 1 year old having one small piece of chocolate a day? It's Christmas! I don't get your reference to "cramming" the chocolate in their mouth - are your children not able to eat normally?

Christmas is supposed to involve being nice to people and being grateful for gifts. Try and have a kinder heart, please, just for a month. It won't hurt.

Thank you for all your replies. It's good to know that a few people sympathise! To the rest, yes I know I'm overreacting (a bit). But it's not just any old gift. It's part of Christmas. Mil tried to get dd a stocking but I was firm about that because I'd made her one. Mil didn't understand why I wouldn't want a "proper" one from M&S. gah!

Is you mil allowed to have any part of Christmas? Is your mum?

cailin of course my children can eat properly. I just don't like chocolate advent calendars. I haven't insulted my mil. She doesn't know I'm annoyed.

Yabu. It's one tiny bit of chocolate, eat the 1yr olds piece yourself if you're that precious about it.

lunar um, yes. They're both staying with us for Christmas. And both are very welcome.

My children used to have one of each.

She has bought a different type to you.

It really isn´t worth bothering about imo.

I say this as someone who wasted too much time/energy stressing over what MIL said/did & looking for motives that weren´t there.

We don´t get on-it´s as simple as that-but she doesn´t hate me or wish me ill & she loves the kids.

Are Advent calendars ever that special?

Your one year old hasn't got a clue what Christmas is either so there is no point getting all het up about it. You don't even need to give a one year old an advent calender.

Why can't they have two stockings?

You can't control all of Christmas, other people are involved too.

I really feel sorry for your MIL, two quite precious DILs to cope with - don't either of her sons have a backbone?

I think you are being unreasonable, it's a small piece of chocolate which won't cause any harm.

I feel for your MiL that her other DiL gave them back.

Mine still have one each , they're 17, 15 and 13 .

Why not have a morning & evening one? Open yours just before bed time, then go to bed discussing the picture/activity. Maybe even read a themed bed time story for each night of advent? I think that could be a lovely tradition.

Why would a child have 2 stockings?!? That's just weird!

Thank you huricane good idea