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to come to the conclusion that the vast majority of men online dating are just on it for a shag?

(175 Posts)
soontobedivorced Sat 10-Nov-12 15:21:37

or is it just me. And every one of my single female friends. Do men really not want relationships any more? Going to be a huge number of sad lonely old men sitting around in their rented flats surrounded by cats living on beans and smelling of pee in a few years time. You watch and see.

Thamesmead Sat 10-Nov-12 15:24:29

I got married from a dating website and have a fair number of friends who've done the same, or else had a long term relationship. I'd review your profile and your criteria. I found that even little tweaks made a massive difference for the guys who got in touch. (disclaimer - first guy I met was married. Bt the next four were great, even if I didn't have the chemistry to date them long term. But two wound up good friends and I married the guy after that.)

soontobedivorced Sat 10-Nov-12 15:27:50

how long ago though? internet dating used to work in the past but my gut feel of late (have tried several sites over the past year) is that guys only use it to play the field. and have had friends date guys from dating sites only to find a few months later their profile back on there. like kids in a candy store. sad and shallow.

soontobedivorced Sat 10-Nov-12 15:29:11

I've tweaked my profile, even got input from guys who had "viewed" me but not messaged me and the input was really helpful. Its concise, very positive, with lots of smiley photos. I don;t know...

Loobylou222 Sat 10-Nov-12 15:30:16

Yanbu dp's friend using dating websites and openly admitted that he goes on there just to shag women.

It's all they ever seem to think about, the bastards!

lovebunny Sat 10-Nov-12 15:39:08

funniest thread title ever!

what on earth did you think they wanted???
what do they want when they're 'ordinary' dating, not online? what do they want when they're at work? what do they want when they deliver a parcel, arrive to fix the washer, whatever?
if its not repulsive and it has a hole (any hole will do) they want to shag it.

ok, some of you might know that special one who is different, who is looking for commitment, family, long-term monogamy... of course you do, until you find out what's going on in his head or when he's out of your sight and then we have anguished 'he's seeing a woman/looking at porn' threads.

soon, they won't be alone in their future years. as soon as they want to settle down, when chasing women becomes too much trouble and they'd rather get the sex, cooking and washing done all in one, the newly-divorced or ageing would-be brides will snap them up. any man is better than no man, you know.

take the advice and tweak. keep looking. but when you catch one, don't expect not to have to tame him, train him and watch him like a hawk.

good luck.

ilovesooty Netherlands Sat 10-Nov-12 15:40:31

I know several women who have successfully formed relationships through online sites in very recent times. One moved in with her partner recently and another is getting married at Christmas.

ilovesooty Netherlands Sat 10-Nov-12 15:41:41

What a sad and bitter post, lovebunny.

SoleSource England Sat 10-Nov-12 15:44:06

Yanbu it is very true. Singledom untill my grave for me.

TrinityRhino Sat 10-Nov-12 15:46:12

Lovebunny, do you hate your own dad too? And granddad?

I'm upset by your post, upset for you sad

lovebunny Sat 10-Nov-12 15:51:43

not sad, not embittered, you poor women, just a keen observer of life! open your eyes!

hatesponge Sat 10-Nov-12 15:52:23

Most men who are OD are not looking for a relationship.

Many are just looking for sex. and not a casual FWB situation, no just one off sex. Or a couple of dates and sex. But either way once youve shagged them you will never see them for dust.

There are others who are there just to date. Again, not for a relationship, but to periodically enjoy the company of a woman, once or twice. The company is their motivation more than sex.

Then theres another group who just want to chat. this include the ones who want to webcam and sext. Most of them would shit themselves if they actually got a date with a real live woman, so are content to hide behind lewd messages and photos.

Quite a few of the above groups are married/in relationships. There are a lot fewer single men on dating sites than you'd think.

And what you say in your profile, how you approach it, has fuck all to do with the outcome. you're looking for a needle in a haystack, and in among a few hundred success stories are tens if not hundreds of thousands who have the opposite experience.

ilovesooty Netherlands Sat 10-Nov-12 15:54:02

not sad, not embittered, you poor women, just a keen observer of life! open your eyes!

How patronising. The life I've observed doesn't indicate that all men are as you say.

SoleSource England Sat 10-Nov-12 15:54:19

Totally agree hatesponge.

soontobedivorced Sat 10-Nov-12 15:55:00

bloody hell, maybe I should slit my wrists now and have done with it

SoleSource England Sat 10-Nov-12 16:00:26

Lol soon. I exaggerate that I will remain single forever I just do not know. But dating sites take a long time to produce a guy that won't lie.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sat 10-Nov-12 16:00:40

There are some lovely men on Internet dating sites and I've known a few people to have happy and successful relationships because of them.

But men will go on them for easy access to sex, of course they will. It doesn't mean all of them are like that.

hatesponge Sat 10-Nov-12 16:03:12

There ARE lovely men on dating sites.

Just like there ARE lovely men in the world generally.

However you could be on a dating site for the next couple of years and never meet one. Or you could stumble across one tomorrow.

It's all complete chance.

hatesponge Sat 10-Nov-12 16:04:54

I've never met a lovely man who wants a relationship yet, and Ive been internet dating on and off for 4 years.

I have however encountered 100s who are just out for sex.

Daddelion Sat 10-Nov-12 16:05:40

I've done OD and from a man's view (and hopefully one not looking to shag any hole) there are a lot of women looking for NSA sex, lots of serial daters and some very strange women online as well

There are men pretending to be women, women who have unrealistic expectations and some very rude women.

So it's just as difficult for men. I was looking for a relationship but just never met the right person.

I was looking for a millionairess, super-model without any baggage, preferably non-smoker, could I find one? Not a chance.

soontobedivorced Sat 10-Nov-12 16:06:56

I wonder how I could increase my chances of finding a lovely one. I even took a break from OD for 3 months to just go out socially, ended up dating a guy in my social group, he lied to me, sweet-talked me into his bed then dropped me. Getting very very disillusioned now.

soontobedivorced Sat 10-Nov-12 16:08:25

I have a male friend who does OD and I was asking him about this, he told me he went on dates where women begged him (he said!!) to shag them on first date. I'm no prude but I was shocked.

lljkk Netherlands Sat 10-Nov-12 16:08:29

yanbu. Sorry.

MichelleObarmy Sat 10-Nov-12 16:08:45

I have lots of female friends who are on datng sites. Yep, most of the men seem to be in it for a shag, bar a couple pf psychos who fall in love and want to get married within a month.

WorraLiberty England Sat 10-Nov-12 16:10:41

Anybody want to tweak Lovebunny's profile for her and cheer her up a bit? grin

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