To be peed off at parents who drop their children's off at birthday parties...(331 Posts)
....instead of offering to help out!
It's not only about the child being able to cope without the parent. I do expect 11 year olds to be ok without the parents but how can it not occur to mums and dads that I may struggle to feed and look after a bunch of 15 kids when they sit down for food and cake?
I find it very rude that the parents just shoot off without even asking if I might need help. AIBU?
Itchy, what about public transport then? All our local buses are filled with pre-teens in the morning and afternoon and they do not descend into LOF desert islands. Noone to supervise them, driver downstairs, but on the whole they do behave, if a little noisily.
What I meant was not that children cannot be carried away and misbehave- of course we all know they can- but that one adult without special training can keep them under control if said adult makes it clear that there will be consequences to misbehaviour.
When I was doing work experience as a 14yo I was left in charge of a whole class of 10yos while the teacher popped to the office. They obeyed because they knew I would have no qualms about telling on them. Absolutely no reason you can't make that clear at a party you are organising.
The OP did not know, next time I hope she will come down like a ton of bricks, send them home, tell the parents etc. It is allowed, OP. You don't have to suffer in silence, it's just a question of attributing the blame in the right quarters. Remember, the ones at fault here are not the parents, certainly not you, but the boys themselves. They need to learn that if they get carried away, they will get punished and nobody will excuse them because they got carried away.
I have a 12yo and I would be devastated if I found a parent let him get away with misbehaving because she was afraid of telling me. But my anger would be directed firmly against ds, not against anybody else. Come to think of it, ds is grounded at the moment....
What happened at his last party, when he was 10?
Or the one before?
'did you tell parents of the particularly badly bheaved dc? i have done in the past, and got an apology and flowers from one dc '
I did tell one particularly awful 9 year old girl that she could either remember her manners or go home, and I'd phone her parents for her.
She chose to stay.
YANBU to demand and expect reasonable behaviour from 11 year olds. Excited and over-exuberant they may be, but food throwing and not offering to help is not on
In future, invite a smaller number (ask your ds who his true friends are) and make sure that they are clear about what your expectations of their behaviour is.
It seems clear you have not experienced these parties before. Have you moved from abroad where the form is different? I think people are disbelieving because that is how parties are and you were obviously expecting something else. It can't be the first time you have had aparty if your DC is 11 so where you lived before it must have been the norm to stay and help.
You must just put this down to experience. If you are trying to fit in somewhere new you have to realise these parents are not rude or unhelpful- they just did not know you needed help. Just as you did not expect them to drop and run.
By 11 parties are quite often smaller. It is ok to just have 3 or 4 friends and do cinema/ bowling/ go karting or videos and sleepover type things.
If you need help supervising it is ok to ask- just do this when you are planning the party.
Share a party with another child who has a birthday around the same time. We had 6 January birthday children who shared a big party one year. We shared costs, had loads of helpers, each child had their own cake and they had brilliant fun. This might be worth thinking of if you do it again, and when you know people better or if you have younger DCs.
I'm sorry if I have got this wrong and presumed to much, I just couldn't come up with another explanation as to why you were so shocked.
Annaliza the parents were not rude, it is your expectations that were very wide of the mark here.
If you need help then ask your friends or other parents well in advance. That's what everyone else does.
Sorry to hear it was a bit of a nightmare but I bet the kids loved it.
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