To stick a newspaper under my arse and squat ??

(313 Posts)
HELPMyPooIsStuck Sun 04-Nov-12 21:37:59

I've been bunged up for days, so far i've tried raising my feet on the loo, sat with the paper and a coffee hoping gravity would take effect ( it didn't) rocking back and forth, vaseline splodges and drinking enough water to sink the marie celeste.

I've also tried prunes, treacle and shredded wheat.

I don't even like shredded wheat.

Bar the odd feeble offering loggy ain't shifting, it's right at the launch pad so to speak but just isn't taking off, I can actually feel it when I bend down etc, it appears to have set like clay.

So, in the interests of avoiding to mathmaticians route ( working it out with a pencil ) and in the absence of a bucket an old tub. Would I be unreasonale to shove a newspaper underneath my poor, long suffering arse and squat ??

BoffinMum Mon 05-Nov-12 21:30:18

This should go into MN Classics, I think. It's been quite a shared experience. grin

HELPMyPooIsStuck Mon 05-Nov-12 21:55:05

Ooooooooohhhhhhhh, my poo's a classic ??

My poor bumhole is shredded tho, it's never recieved such attention before.

OP are you willing to out yourself? We all think you're a legend!
(I'll understand if not grin)

KatyPeril Mon 05-Nov-12 22:01:57

Congratulations on your arrival!

HELPMyPooIsStuck Mon 05-Nov-12 22:09:37

I will give a clue.....' my love of cheese may have bunged me up'.

And that's all you're getting !

dutch cheese?
Or are you mouse related?

NellyJob Mon 05-Nov-12 23:24:45

wallace and gromit?

ripsishere Tue 06-Nov-12 00:20:53

Edam?
Faecal vomiting was the cause of the extraction in theatre. It was for the reason given above. People do die because of it.

BoffinMum Tue 06-Nov-12 07:35:27

How are things today, OP?

musicalendorphins Tue 06-Nov-12 08:40:10

ApocalypseCheeseToastie must love cheese. The only cheese name I remember.

Arthurfowlersallotment Tue 06-Nov-12 08:42:03

Congratulations OP thanks

💩

BoffinMum Tue 06-Nov-12 15:26:06

It was the warm Hock enema what did it, wasn't it? Be honest now.wink

NicholasTeakozy Tue 06-Nov-12 17:04:45

A stiff drink and a warmed teaspoon.

Best of British

And:-

"The worst constipation I ever had was a week after giving birth to my DD.

I was stuck on the loo biting my knuckles like a hen trying to lay an ostrich egg. I swear no word of a lie, it took more effort,more pushing and panting squeezing that poo out than it did giving birth to the baby. When the deed was done I nearly wrapped it in a blanket and posed for a snapshot."

Oh my. I cannot rememeber the last time I laughed so much I cried. Thank you.

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