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AIBU?

...to challenge the guy I have been dating for six months

204 replies

Poppysquad · 13/10/2012 23:22

I noticed that the third item on the 'History' on his iPad was a married affairs website. He claimed that this was from ages ago before he met me, which I am pretty sure is rubbish. He has put the phone down on me, saying that I was just a jealous woman and was upsetting him. We are both in our fifties!

OP posts:

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WorraLiberty · 13/10/2012 23:25

What were you doing looking at his history? Did you have some reason to doubt his behaviour?

History doesn't always mean anything to be honest as pop ups and various clicks of links get recorded.

If I looked at my history right now, I probably wouldn't recognise the fact it's all 'mine' IYSWIM.

MadBusLadyHauntsTheMetro · 13/10/2012 23:28

He has put the phone down on me, saying that I was just a jealous woman and was upsetting him.

Whether or not he is actually hiding anything, that seems a dazzlingly unpleasant and immature reaction. Was your tone particularly aggressive?

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream · 13/10/2012 23:28

If someone looked at my history they would think I had issues!

Poppysquad · 13/10/2012 23:29

I dint check the history. i think ive got the terminology wrong. We were checking something out together using the iPad and when you put something into the 'search' it shows other recent searches and it was there

OP posts:

mutny · 13/10/2012 23:29

If you were checking it together how did he put the phone down on you?

Kissitbetter · 13/10/2012 23:30

Just looked at my iPad history and it is what I have just viewed - sorry.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2012 23:30

Together?

MadBusLadyHauntsTheMetro · 13/10/2012 23:31

Ah, that may be different. I'm not sure that is recent searches, or not on google anyway. Think it might be popular searches.

So if I type "chicken" into my search bar it comes up with "chicken pox" as about the fifth option, despite the fact that I have not even thought about, much less needed to google, chicken pox since I had it aged 7.

Kissitbetter · 13/10/2012 23:32

Missed your last post OP. yes the search is what you have typed in, not links followed. And is recent. Although if you go straight to google and search from there it doesn't show that, so I suppose it's feasible he hasn't used the search function for some time.

Poppysquad · 13/10/2012 23:33

I wasn't aggressive but I was assertive. I didn't accept his explanation that this was from ages ago. He originally told me it was from before we were together. I don't think so. He does suffer with stress so it might have been a difficult conversation

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missymoomoomee · 13/10/2012 23:34

I have to go into my settings and clear that before it stops showing my searches, sometimes I don't do it for months. Sounds like a reasonable explanation to me.

Why were you together when you saw it but then arguing on the phone?

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 13/10/2012 23:36

Poppy - if you are using google it will show a list of the most commonly searched for things beginning with what you are typing in - so he may not have been looking on that site at all.

However his reaction to you is quite telling of his nature and I'd be telling him to take a long walk on a short pier!

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 13/10/2012 23:37

Even if it was before he met you - would you want to be with someone who was looking on amarried affairs website?? Surely that tells you all you need to know about the man?

Poppysquad · 13/10/2012 23:38

Sorry the history of this is not at all clear. We were looking. The iPad together this afternoon. I noticed the website and at the time just left it thinking it doesn't matter, I'll leave it. But when I got home later this evening I thought about it and I was wound up so I phoned him about it

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2012 23:40

However his reaction to you is quite telling of his nature and I'd be telling him to take a long walk on a short pier!

Really?

So if you were telling the truth and your boyfriend accused you of being a liar, you would smile sweetly instead of hanging up the phone?

WarmFuzzyFun · 13/10/2012 23:58

I'm with WorrLiberty on this.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 14/10/2012 00:16

Yes Worra really I would tell him to take a long walk on a short pier, but the alternative does not need to be 'smiling sweetly', it could be - you know - an adult conversation about it.

He has put the phone down on me, saying that I was just a jealous woman and was upsetting him

^^ that is not an innocent or adult way of dealing with it.

Shakirasma · 14/10/2012 00:20

Ok just tested this as I am on my iPad.

I opened a new window, when the search box is blank the history clearly lists my recent searches in the exact order I searched, exactly how I typed them, starting with the most recent.

Looks to me like he was looking recently. Sorry op.

WorraLiberty · 14/10/2012 00:27

Well if I were 'challenged' by a boyfriend calling me a liar when I was telling the truth, I'd bloody well hang up too Chipping.

I've got better things to do with my life than defend myself to someone who doesn't want to believe me.

Now clearly no-one here knows whether he's telling the truth or not, but assuming he is then I wouldn't blame him for hanging up.

Remember the OP hasn't even told us how she 'challenged' him and what language she used.

Poppysquad · 14/10/2012 00:31

Thank you for checking Shakirasma. It does seem like I was right then

He has now sent me a longish email saying that he is very upset by this evening and and wants some time to himself. I'm not to try to contact him but he will be back in touch and it sounds like he wants to continue the relationship......

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 14/10/2012 00:34

I'd have hung up on the OP too in his position. If she wanted to have an "adult conversation" about it she could have done it while she was still with him.

WorraLiberty · 14/10/2012 00:35

I've never used an ipad

But you two really do need to sit down and chat OP

I can appreciate what Shakirasma said about her ipad but perhaps they all have different settings according to the user?

I don't know...as I said I've never used one.

But if I were you, I'd talk it out and then go with your gut feeling.

Good luck

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MysteriousHamster · 14/10/2012 00:37

But it wasn't bothering her then? Seems like it's reasonable enough to ask about it later.

Hope it is sorted out, OP. I can't remember what my iPad does but his reaction isn't great.

MadBusLadyHauntsTheMetro · 14/10/2012 00:38

Oh does he really? After you've had you're allotted no-contact punishment for "upsetting" him by drawing attention to his own internet history, of course. Well, lucky old you.

Poppysquad · 14/10/2012 00:39

Regarding the challenging: I told him that if he wanted to check out websites like that one then that was absolutely his perogative. I just want him to be honest with me. I only said that it was ballocks when he told me that it was months ago that he had looked at he site

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