Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

(471 Posts)
NoNoNora Sat 06-Oct-12 20:12:05

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

ShutTheFrontDoor Sat 06-Oct-12 21:12:42

So you disagree with everyone on here aswell as the teacher ?

ProphetOfDoom Sat 06-Oct-12 21:13:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BasicallySFB Sat 06-Oct-12 21:13:59

Wow. Just wow.

How unbelievably naive.

ShutTheFrontDoor Sat 06-Oct-12 21:15:08

Do you choose what you dc's eat or do they decide for themselves? Smarties for breakfast ? Chocolate for lunch maybe? Children feel secure when they have boundaries and routine.

pictish Sat 06-Oct-12 21:16:05

You do what you like OP - I think your approach is very flawed and idealistic, but it's your call. Think your comment about letting her watch torture porn with you if she wanted to marks you out as someone silly rather than nasty, but I sincerely hope such an event never comes to pass. You could discuss it with her until your were blue in the face, but at ten it will mean nothing sensible - she has NO experience to draw on. I think you'd do well to remember that.

Most of ALL - for god's sake, the top trumps card/Angel/fascist idea will earn your family nothing but ridicule among the staff at the school.
I'd laugh at it and pass it round for a group smirk and eye roll.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 06-Oct-12 21:16:07

Sorry I was goig by the box sets.

But Angel series 2 - 5 are rated at 15
and all of Buffy is rated 15.

The lecture is part of the job.

BasicallySFB Sat 06-Oct-12 21:17:07

And thank God for that teacher - what gives you the right to potentially expose MY children to stuff I don't want them to see? What if your DC had a friend over who asked to watch it? Would that be ok too?

fuzzpig Sat 06-Oct-12 21:17:44

Can't comment on buffy as I've not seen it. I am not big on age ratings but that doesn't mean I'd let my DCs watch anything. Just a few things that I've seen and consider to be ok. Common sense, not open access.

SomersetONeil Sat 06-Oct-12 21:18:38

They're not necessarily going to show distress while they're watching it. That's sort of the point.

Surely you can see from the reactions to your thread, where the teacher was coming from a bit now?

And your use of the word censorship in relation to this just shows your limited understanding of the issues. That, and your DH calling the teacher a fascist - it's all just like you don't really have too much of a clue.

It's like you've moved on with your older DCs and gave sort of forgotten about the age and sensibilities and needs and protection requirements of your youngest DCs in the process.

OP, in my opinion YABVVU. Ratings are there for a reason.

We do let our kids watch some 12 rated films/programmes (they're 5 and 8), but strictly on a case by case basis and only if at least one of us has already seen it and assessed it as suitable.

As far as Buffy goes we would love to sit and watch our DVDs through with the kids, but we'll be waiting until the kids are old enough. If the heavily edited tea-time versions were re-shown I'd let them watch those, or at least the 8 year old, but the DVDs are going to be just sitting on the shelf for a good while longer.

NoNoNora Sat 06-Oct-12 21:18:55

ShutTheFrontDoor- So you mean that Smarties and cigarettes aren't a balanced breakfast?! My children eat healthy balanced meals and are HAPPY. Not traumatised, not violent. Normal, questioning, secure children who aren't spoken down to because of their age.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisad123 Sat 06-Oct-12 21:20:07

Sorry but allowing your child to watch movies and shows that are rated well over their physical age is irresponsible and very wrong. They have ratings for a reason!! It's also a child protection issue and wouldn't be surprised if school reported you to SS.

TeaBrick Sat 06-Oct-12 21:20:23

Op, you definitely needed the lecture from the teacher. You should be protecting your children from inappropriate material, instead of trying to be their hip best friend. There's no need for anyone to watch saw or hostel, let alone a child.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 06-Oct-12 21:20:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShutTheFrontDoor Sat 06-Oct-12 21:21:42

So just to confirm everyone on here and the teacher are wrong and you are sooooo right? Are you not listening to anything people are saying?

NoNoNora Sat 06-Oct-12 21:23:08

BasicallySFB- Of course I wouldn't let DD's friends watch anything above PG rating without their parent's consent, just as I wouldn't let the older DD's friends drink under the age of 18 in my home without parental consent.

EverybodysCryEyed Sat 06-Oct-12 21:23:08

How is saying 'no that isn't appropriate viewing for you, let's watch something else' talking down to them?

Belmo Sat 06-Oct-12 21:23:09

If they are distressed by eyes being popped out of skulls, turning it off is too late they'll still have seen it! (I hate gore, I was 21 when I watched Saw, and think that was too young!)
Buffy is fantastic, though. But season 6&7 are a bit graphic I'd have thought.

LFCisTarkaDahl Sat 06-Oct-12 21:23:49

'spoken down to' hmm

There is a vast grey area between patronising a child and having age appropriate conversations and boundaries.

I can't believe how black and white you are.

I dont 'talk down' to my child but I also don't let her watch inappropriate content.

I don't let her drink wine by the glass either just cos at 14 she really really wants to.

YAB extremely U.

As a secondary teacher, we get to deal every day with pupils who simply don't understand the boundaries of appropriateness. Very often this behaviour is influenced by them viewing inappropriate material, films, TV, playing inappropriate games, having internet access in their bedroom (unmonitored/filtered late at night). I am sure many of them don't have nightmares, appear unduly bothered at home, but at school when they act out in their play (I am particularly talking about KS3 students here) these behaviours they have no idea that it is unacceptable. I have rung parents before to voice our concerns over the content of things children are viewing at home on a regular basis.

I am absolutely gobsmacked that you would even contemplate showing your 10 year old or 7 year old something like Saw? Do you even watch all these things before making the decision or just view them for the first time alongside them?

I seriously hope this isn't serious.

I would much rather they watched such films with me in controlled conditions than at a sleepover with a bunch of hysterical peers.

Call me overprotective, but I'd rather my children didn't watch them at all.

NumericalMum Sat 06-Oct-12 21:26:12

I watched Saw (the first 30 mins maximum) when I was 25 and I am still disturbed by it. I can't imagine how you know it is disturbing them until it is FAR FAR too late? And if your DDs are de-sensitised to that sort of thing heaven help us all.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 06-Oct-12 21:27:19

why in gods name are you letting your kids take the cards into school,do you know how many arguements trading cards cause

ShutTheFrontDoor Sat 06-Oct-12 21:28:41

So just to confirm everyone on here and the teacher are wrong and you are sooooo right? Are you not listening to anything people are saying?

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