Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

(471 Posts)
NoNoNora Sat 06-Oct-12 20:12:05

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

DoMeDon Sat 06-Oct-12 20:55:45

I usually try to make some reasoned argument but tonight I CBA. You and your husband are the type of idiots I wish didn't get the privilege of having DC. Do the research. You're ridiculous ideas are damaging.

CakeBump Sat 06-Oct-12 20:56:16

raven what I mean is that it does not = "anything goes if I say so"

Some rules are there for a reason, obviously.

DoMeDon Sat 06-Oct-12 20:56:33

Your blush - I am that annoyed by this I can't type properly!

Inneedofbrandy Sat 06-Oct-12 20:56:46

I might buy the boxsets to re watch, didn't realise there was more.

Bobyan Sat 06-Oct-12 20:58:00

I can't believe that 8 year olds are allowed to watch CSI and 10 year olds are watching buffy.
There's more to life than inappropriate television, why not try switching the TV off and actually doing something with your children.

ravenAK Sat 06-Oct-12 20:58:06

ah I see CakeBump. Yes, there I agree with you.

It needs a 'within reason' caveat, certainly.

LFCisTarkaDahl Sat 06-Oct-12 20:58:40

Yet again your last post entirely misses the point.

Your children should not get to choose what they watch, that's YOUR decision - liberalism and anti censorship is not about letting a ten year old decide to watch Saw, it's the adult that's supposed to parent and choose age appropriate entertainment.

Just cos your kids fancy it doesn't mean they should get it.

You come across as incredibly childish in your last post saying that you doubt they'd have heard of it but if they did you would let them.

It's just so bizarrely childish.

Inneedofbrandy Sat 06-Oct-12 20:59:15

I think CSI is fine. I don't see anything wrong snuggeling up to your children and watching tv.

Fairenuff Sat 06-Oct-12 20:59:56

Now, I have to say, I think this is a wind up. It's just not possible for two people to be that ignorant is it?

I do not take massive notice at home of age ratings.
But I do watch things first and deem them unsuitable or suitable based on dds maturity.

Dd is ten nearly and has watched a 12 but there are lower ratings she has not watched as they would scare her

I wouldn't lie to get her in a higher age rating at cinema though.

I wouldn't let her watch Buffy or angel.

ThatBloodyKnid Sat 06-Oct-12 21:01:35

I doubt either of the younger DDs have even heard of the Hostel/Saw films, so I don't see that coming up in the foreseeable future (and if one wanted to watch the other obviously wouldn't have to).

But you would still let them watch it if they asked for it?! shock

Bloody hell. I'm very liberal when it comes to parenting, but I would draw the line there - or probably even earlier.

Bobyan Sat 06-Oct-12 21:01:44

Yes rape and violent death are great watching for an 8 year old hmm

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 06-Oct-12 21:02:30

the buffy box set is rated 15
Angel is rated 18.

I'm not sure why you consider the Angel cards more graphic, although you may have a different set to me.

Also, the teacher has to look after 30 kids, she shouldn't have to worry about upsetting parents because of your choices.

NoNoNora Sat 06-Oct-12 21:04:54

Can I re-iterate that I would let them watch the Hostel/Saw films if they asked to see them and were able to have a reasoned conversation with me about why, about why they would want to watch them. We would then watch them in controlled conditions while watching them to see if they were at all distressed and switch off the moment that became apparent.

pointythings Sat 06-Oct-12 21:05:00

I am very hmm at the idea of letting my DDs watch things like Saw if they ask - that is very much not OK. I can't believe the OP does not see this.

I would like my DDs to see Buffy as I think it has some really great female role models - but not until they are a good bit older. Probably 14 for the early seasons, 15 for seasons 6 and 7, 17+ for Angel. I've only just let them see Willow and am slowly working my way through those parts of the DVD collection DH and I think are suitable. They have not yet watched Jurassic Park and will not for some time (they get nightmares) and although DD1 is reading LOTR I have told her she will not be watching the films until she is 15. We've also stopped the Harry Potters for now and will not be watching the Half-Blood Prince for a few years yet.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sat 06-Oct-12 21:05:12

I think the teacher has the right to say what she likes when you allow your underage child to take something like that into her classroom. You were very wrong to let your child take those cards to school,

You parent how you like, but keep your controversial choices away from other people's children.

ZeldaUpNorth Sat 06-Oct-12 21:06:12

The 1st episode of Buffy wad on today and it only got half way through the opening credits and dd2 told me to turn it iff cos it was scary (i wasnt going to watch it, just a bit reminiscent) I dont even let my 8 yr old watch dr who.

FairPhyllis Sat 06-Oct-12 21:07:15

Buffy was edited for the pre-watershed slot - a lot of the more gruesome bits of violence were cut, like Caleb gouging out Xander's eye - and it was only repeated uncut way after the watershed. I adore the show, but I do think there is a lot in it that it is not suitable even for younger teenagers. Season 6 is particularly grim and contains a really horrible scene where one of the show's most popular characters attempts to rape Buffy.

I bought my niece (13 at the time) the first season of Buffy (as an antidote to too much Twilight), which I think is OK for a younger teen, but I did warn my sister that if she wanted to watch later seasons it does get a lot more adult from season 4 on.

NoNoNora Sat 06-Oct-12 21:08:19

BoneyBackJefferson- IMO the monsters on the Angel cards (and in Angel) are much better done and the descriptions on the cards are more graphic. I've just got the DVDs down, only season 1 of Angel is rated 18 and that's only for one disk (and one episode) of the season.

I would have had no problem with a note from DD's teacher asking that she didn't take the cards in again, it was the lecture she gave me about how terrible my parenting choices were that got to me.

LFCisTarkaDahl Sat 06-Oct-12 21:08:20

You wouldn't notice the distress or impact of the child abuse at the time. They could shut down emotionally or laugh and they would still be abused and distressed.

There is no such thing as 'controlled conditions' when subjecting a 10 year old to torture porn.

The fact you don't understand that means you probably shouldn't be parenting until you've got a bit of sense/education.

gordyslovesheep Sat 06-Oct-12 21:09:21

to be fair the teacher seem to have a point

TidyGOLDDancer Sat 06-Oct-12 21:10:48

OP, you are not helping yourself. It is just plain wrong to even consider letting your DCs watch those kind of things.

The teacher was right. If your comments on this thread are anything to go by, your parenting choices are potentially terrible.

candr Sat 06-Oct-12 21:12:02

How can young children have a reasoned discussion with you about a film they have not seen. For gods sake just say NO you are too young. Being a parent does not mean you say yes to stay their friend or be cool. Read my earlier post and stop being so bloody silly. You are in a position of caring for your kids physically and emotionally and they need to know some things are unsuitable and why. If when they are older they want to watch them then fine. As a teacher I would be making notes on your childrens records as I would fully expect reprecussions from this at some stage. How are your kids supposed to make sensible choices if you don't set an example?

EverybodysCryEyed Sat 06-Oct-12 21:12:07

By the time they are showing distress the harm has been done

would you not even read up on the film or watch it before putting it on for your kids? I read the plot of The Serbian Film and it made me feel sick and bothered me for a few days. Not sure what actually watching it would do to a young child

Is your objection to the ratings system or to parental censorship? I don't object to you choosing what your kids watch, but I would expect you to exercise some judgement

DixieD Sat 06-Oct-12 21:12:10

She has a point about your parenting decisions tbh. They are questionable to say the least.

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