To ask what you think about young Christian marriages?

[Ihavewelliesbutitssunny]

So over the last few years I've known a lot of young Christian couples who've got married at about 21-23 years old. The classic situation is Christian boy and girl meet at the CU at uni and then get married when they graduate. Obviously part of this is the belief that couples shouldn't have sex before they are married but I think another factor is that they have prayed through and considered their decision to get married and trust that if it is the right decision they should just go ahead and get married. There seems often to be a critical and confused response to this idea of getting married from non-Christians so I was interested to see the mumsnet response. I suspose the idea of waiting for sex and getting married young is something that a lot of couples did in the past and many of us have grandparents or perhaps parents who married young and have had very long (and in most cases) marriages.

You shouldn't confuse a long marriage with a happy one.

Just saying.

Belief that one should not have sex before marriage often goes along with belief that divorce is wrong, so you can't use statistics on long marriages as evidence that those marriages were happier than other marriages that ended in divorce.

Agree with Trills.

My parents were married when they were 22. They werent overly religious (they met at a dance).. and I have no idea if they had sex before marriage or not. They were happily married for nearly 40 years though.

Of course, that isn't actually me saying what I think about young marriages, it's just me saying what I think of your style of argument.

I was raised as a Catholic and I don't know anyone who didn't have sex before marriage.

i don't really think anything about it

if 2 people are in love and want to get married great.

gosh, something i have no opinion on!

Agree with Trills.

Agree with trills.

me too

Shall I start a chorus of Hey Jude or something?

I think it's an expectation thing. I think as long as you marry a "decent" man (not physcially or mentally abusive; someone who wants to be happy and wants you to be happy; someone who broadly has the same life expectations) then actually you can just rub along nicely: I bet some even fall madly in passion. I adore my DH but I think there are many men I could be happily married too; I don't believe in "the one" I think a desire for constant drama and passion leads to the downfall of many relationships.

Plus, how many women (I'm 31, seeing this a lot) get to my age, having had a few boyfriends, maybe a live in relationship, thenfind themselves single, desperate for marriage/ babies and "settle" for someone they just rub along nicely with, rather than "the one" they imagined at 21? Arguably they have done it anyway.

I don't think there is much to disapprove of, but it's about managing expectations. I expected my 20s to be wild and they were great. But I wouldn't have spent that time at the expense of being settled at my age.

I don't think the age of the couple comes into it or how long you have known each other - it's more to do with the attitudes the couple share on marriage. Many Christian couples do marry quickly and take marriage very seriously because they have a shared belief system which underpins their commitment to each other.
Too many relationships are only built on sex / physical attraction and then break down at the first hurdle.

I met DH at Uni and pretty much knew I wanted to marry him after a few weeks. Took him a bit longer (7 years in fact ), so I really should not be that sceptical about the possibility of meeting and marrying the right person at that age.

Are these people allowed to do anything sexual before marriage, though? Because if they are not, then I'd think maybe they were on dodgy ground.

My marriage was (still is!) a young Christian one, as are those of lots of our friends. We had our Silver anniversary this year. We have the same ups & downs of most marriages, but with a shared faith you have a solid foundation underpinning your relationship.

My DD is getting married in a year, and she is graduating this year and met her DP at Uni/Church. They are both committed Christians and I truly believe they will make a very good go of it :)

As someone said to me - if you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with - why wait? :)

Ain't that the truth Worra! Unless they belonged to some terribly earnest and well meaning 'extra super Catholic Christian's only' club and wore six pairs of knickers right up to the wedding night!

My brother turned into a major Christian during university. He broke up with the girl he loved because it was too tempting to have sex before marriage and he didn't want to rush marriage purely for sex. They finally got it together again and announced their engagement, which is wonderful, but I can't help feeling much sadness and soul searching could have been avoided by not taking the 'no sex before marriage' thing so literally.

Generally I have a live and let live attitude to all religions, but was really offended at a young Christian's couple's wedding where the service was entirely dedicated to 'if you are not Christian you will be barren and your grapes will wither on the vine' passages of the bible. I almost left I was so offended; we were sitting there with our baby girl being preached at for 1.5 hours.

21-24 is hardy young to get married in the grand scheme of things. I thought you were meaning 16-19 yr olds.

My parents married at 21 and 23, Having met as older teens.
DH and I married at 24 and 26, I was 19 when we met.
I have a fair number of friends who have married ( and are still married too) the person they were going out with at age 18/19.

I was 26 when I got married and got engaged at 24. Met dh when I was 22. A lot of people thought I was young. I'm still happily married 10 years later.

I'm not Christian though and had had plenty of sex with dh, and others, before getting married.

I attend a church where people do tend to marry younger than in the world at large. Personally I got married at 20 but that was definately not because of not having sex. It was because of having sex - I was pregnant! Had I not been we would probably have got married the following year.
I think that 'young' marriages do come in for criticism but in my experience they are broadly very successful as long as both parties appreciate that the marriage makes them a unit and any growing up and on that's to be done has to be done together. There are divorces but generally speaking at a lesser rate than the world at large. This is not because divorce is seen as wrong. This is because of the commitment that Christian marriage involves and the support that marriage gets from the wider church community. Finally - the sex thing. I wouldn't like to bet my house on who in our congregation of young people is or isn't having sex before marriage. What I would bet my house on is that they are in committed and monogamous relationships.

I think I'm one of those christians.

We dated for 3 years first and then married when i was 24 and he was 22. I wasnt raised a christian but became one when i was 18. I can say for my marriage of 3 years (i know its nothing compared to some) that its incredible and yes we do have ups and downs but its the best thing I ever did.

Most of my friends are christian and married young and they seem to enjoy being married more than other relationships i know of. I also know that my parents are one of the happiest couples i know, and they arent christians and theres 10 years age difference so horses for courses really.

Sorry about the typing, i'm writing on the ipad and i hate it!

Dp and I have been together since we were 19- and we are neither Christian nor married. Does that prove anything?

I have been in the same committed relationships since I was 20, 22 years ago, so I think I might be a closet Christian

X post seeker !

There is a fair bit of evidence that the divorce rates in conservative Christian groups is far higher than that for other denominations and indeed ( shock horror ) atheists.

In the US the divorce rates are

Born-again Christians-27%
Other Christians-24%
Atheists, Agnostics-21%

I think young Christians who marry young and don't have sex before marriage are making a mistake really. The expectations are too high and the reality has been clouded by their biological yearnings.

I don't think being together since you were 19 but in no other way relevant to the thread means anything tbh.

It's like the army- people tend to marry young There too, and have children young. Different type of pressure, v high divorce rate.