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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to consider calling the police?

110 replies

lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 16:42

Came back home from nursery pick up to find a note tucked under the lid of the wheelie bin.
Saying how stunning I look and am I single and will I call him. And don't worry he's not a stalker, I just totally blew him away.

Now I am NOT stunning. I have been pushing a double buggy every time I've been out today, I have no make up on, my jeans are covered in mushed up food and I've been wearing my practical yet ever so unflattering rain hat. So weirdo-alarm has been triggered.

We live on a very quiet street, I hardly ever pass anyone on the pavement. But this person must either have been hanging around or followed me home, as they clearly know where I live. The only person I have passed on the street today was an old-ish (50s?) guy, this morning, and all I did was give him a nod good-day. He was already past our house so if it was him then he turned back and followed me. The only other alternatives are someone from the (very small) offices opposite (but then they would surely be aware of DH?) or one of the bin men (bin day, hence the bins were out on the pavement).

Anyway, for any of these people to leave me a note saying I blew them away is deeply odd, makes me feel uncomfortable coming and going from my own house (I'm certainly not going out to take the bins round the back now) and I'm worried. Particularly by the 'I'm not a stalker' comment because actually, yes, that's how it feels.

But the little voice of reason in my head says that the police (quite rightly) will laugh at me if I take my worries to them. So what do I do? My instinctive reaction having picked the note up was to throw it straight in the wheelie bin, but now I wonder if I shouldn't take it out just in case the weirdo does come back... Sad

Oh, and DH is away on a business trip all week, so this is particularly crap timing.

OP posts:
Gemsy83 · 28/02/2011 16:44

Maybe he's a bit simple? Or maybe you play down your looks- I dont think i'd call the police from an isolated incident like this but if it continued I may think again (not likely in my world though!!)

thingumybob · 28/02/2011 16:45

I'd be a bit creeped out too! I'd keep hold of the note just in case anything else happens and try and put it to the back of your mind.

BooyFuckingHoo · 28/02/2011 16:45

yes, just throw the note in the bin. it isn't threatening. someone lieks you. if tehre are anymore notes then you wouldn't be unreasonable to ask teh police for advice.

curlymama · 28/02/2011 16:46

That would freak me out too, but there is no point in telling the police because there is nothing they can do about someone leaving a note near your bin.

Could you talk to the neighbours and ask if they saw anyone, or at least to let them know to be on the lookout for you?

Nailitorelse · 28/02/2011 16:46

Suggest ask DH immediately via text if possible.
Need to be in agreement whatever you do to avoid conflict with DH.
Personally, would go straight to police to register concerns just in case there has been other instances elsewhere.

diddl · 28/02/2011 16:46

That is wierd-even if you are stunning!

I´d be tempted to call the police-not so that they can do anything, but so that there is a record of it.

EleanorJosie · 28/02/2011 16:47

I don't think the police would do anything TBH. It may just be something and nothing, though it is slightly odd. I would be slightly bemused but on my guard I think myself. If you are worried about being on your own, could you get a friend or relative to come round one or two evenings?

tulpe · 28/02/2011 16:47

YANBU to feel unsettled. Agree that the police probably won't do anything but definitely worth keeping the note.

Don't mean to scare you further, but would it be possible for someone to know your DH was away? Eg is DHs car usually outside of house all the time? Just struck me as possibly worth noting.

BuzzLiteBeer · 28/02/2011 16:47

"a bit simple"? FFS. Hmm

EleanorJosie · 28/02/2011 16:49

Here is some advice on personal safety from Suzy Lamplugh trust:

www.suzylamplugh.org/personal-safety/personal-safety-tips/home-safety/

Original poster
lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 16:49

Gemsy - no, I'm definitely not the sort of person that people turn round to look at in the street. And nothing like this has ever happened before (even 20 years ago when, looking back, I was quite pretty).

thingumybob - yes I probably should keep it. Maybe I'll give it to my Dad and ask him to look after it. I think it'd spook me accidentally finding it in a drawer in a few weeks time.

I'm just freaked out. And racking my brains to think who the arsewipe might be...

Anyway, thanks for responses. Glad I'm not over-reacting by being spooked.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 28/02/2011 16:49

Creepy but leave the police and just keep your eye out.

Don't throw the note away incase you need it in future as evidence but hopefully it's a one off.

DrRichandNimble · 28/02/2011 16:50

What would you hope the police would do? confirm your fuglyness and therefore proving this guy is indeed a weirdo?

All he has done is leave you a rather flattering note.

if you have no intention of taking up the offer then put it in teh bin and forget about it.

IF there are any other notes or further weirdness then think again. but until then give yourself a pat on the back for being able to pull even on a bad day.

(unless you have a pretty neighbour and in which case it is quite possibly just a case of mistaken address)

BooyFuckingHoo · 28/02/2011 16:52

"Suggest ask DH immediately via text if possible.
Need to be in agreement whatever you do to avoid conflict with DH."

what century are you living in nailitorelse?

BluddyMoFo · 28/02/2011 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo · 28/02/2011 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BooyFuckingHoo · 28/02/2011 16:53

maybe it wasn't actually meant for you. maybe someone else got it and threw it in your bin on the way past and it got trapped in the lid?

loopylou6 · 28/02/2011 16:53

Did he leave you his phone number on the note?

BluddyMoFo · 28/02/2011 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 16:55

Nailitorelse - he's in Japan, so fast asleep at the moment. I will mention it when he calls tomorrow so he knows whats happening but I don't want to scare him too

Tulpe - no, no car outside the house. Someone would have to be doing full-on surveillance to know DH is not here so (hopefully) it's just coincidence.

curlymama - no, very rarely anyone in during the day which is why I'm feeling a bit vulnerable.

Eleanorjosie- my Dad is coming round for the day tomorrow :) So someone RL to bounce this off too.

Thanks all for answering. Interesting the split between 'don't fret' and 'let the police know'.

OP posts:
DrRichandNimble · 28/02/2011 16:56

"arsewipe" Hmm

why is he an arsewipe for saying you looked nice and could you call him?

presuming of course it was you he actually meant the note for, and not a neighbour, or as has been suggested someone just walked past and threw a note into your bin and it got stuck on the lid.

Nailitorelse · 28/02/2011 16:56

Booy - The century where one hopes to live in harmony with your partner as a TEAM, whatever their sex. That usually involves two-way communication, discussion and agreement.
Sorry if that treads on your independent toes.

zipzap · 28/02/2011 16:58

I would see if you can register it with the police - not for them to do anything at the moment but in case it escalates then it will be on record as the starting point.

can't remember what the laws on stalking are but seem to think that the longer it has been going on for, the more chance you have of it being taken as something serious enough for the police to start doing something about it. At one time they could only do something if the stalker did something to physically harm you which could be too late, think the law has now been changed so that stalking itself is a crime. however if you talk to the police they will be able to reassure you and tell you if there is anything you should be doing.

There may also be a community police officer that can pop in or walk by or just be on the look out if they know and as others have said if there is someone that is posting these notes to others as well, it all helps to document it.

If it was me I'd be very freaked out by it - particularly given that one of the cues that people give off if they are lying is to say 'honestly' for example, the fact that he mentions he's not a stalker makes me think he's protesting too much for starters. and talk of blowing people away - eek.

scurryfunge · 28/02/2011 16:58

Keep the note for future reference. If it happens again for a second time (or you are contacted by other means) then the police will treat it as harassment.

Nailtorelse -also pmsl at your comment about asking DH!

Original poster
lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 16:58

Booy - it was folded in four, with 'to the lady with brown hair' on the outside. My neighbour (who is, indeed, stunning!) is blonde though.

Loopy - yes he did. And it was written in a different pen to the rest of the note so I wonder if he got a friend to write the note for him?

OP posts: