Mumsnet Talk

AIBU to think that feeling tired, moody, irritable, tearful, lonely, guilty, sore, tense, unable to cope, overwhelmed and trapped, along with having difficulty eating, sleeping, getting out, concentrating, motivating yourself and not wanting as much sex as before is

normal motherhood

and should be conquered by having better support systems in place, either provided by family, friends, community or the state

not

by boosting the profits of a company that made $5.49 billion in the 1st quarter of 2010.

I might agree with you if I had any idea which company you were talking about.

I don't know which company either.

motherhood is not affecting my appetite tbh

Is this a dig at the pharmaceutical companies who make antidepressants which are then prescribed for mothers who have pnd?

If that is what you are referring to (I hope I am wrong) then to put it nicely you are misinformed.

YABU

SOme of that list, yes; all of it, no not normal

If you are referring to PND then fuck the fuck off if not my apologies

Please tell us more. Then we can say if YABU or not.

I don't think that feeling guilty or trapped (or some of the other things you say) are actually part of normal motherhood. (perhaps very transiently or very occasionally, but not as a matter of course)

To a certain point yes. But all of your list at once and constently, no, not part of normal motherhood.

no, you are talking out of your arse

If you are happy to live a miserable unrewarding life then you go ahead

but don't look down your nose at people who have the bollocks to accept that they need help and are sensible enough to take it

ConnorTraceptive if you and I are right in our suspicions then I agree entirely.

If not OP needs to come back quick and post something less vague.

Being tired - yes, being lonely - maybe, feeling guilty (sometimes) - yes.

The rest? No absolutely I do not think that that is a normal experience of motherhood at all.

Ummm, no. Tired, yes. Wanting less sex, yes. The rest, not really sure about normal, but not for me.

Are you talking about PND? If you are, I think you, like myself, should think yourself bloody lucky not to have experienced it. If not, explain yourself. If so, prepare yourself for a well justified flaming.

It's only normal motherhood if society continue to make women feel that way. And for as long as society treats mothers like shit, the pharmaceutical industry will continue to make a killing. So I could argue it either way, but on balance no, YANBU.

Next?

my point is that new mothers should be provided with a lot more support

are you lot actually arguing against more support for new Mums???

In other cultures/societies, where mothers are properly supported, they don't get any of these symptoms in the first place.

Dont turn this round to us being against support for mums, please dont i find that pretty offensive.

You asked

AIBU to think that feeling tired, moody, irritable, tearful, lonely, guilty, sore, tense, unable to cope, overwhelmed and trapped, along with having difficulty eating, sleeping, getting out, concentrating, motivating yourself and not wanting as much sex as before is

And yes, YABU

"In other cultures/societies, where mothers are properly supported, they don't get any of these symptoms in the first place."

I know. That's what I meant, too...

WTF are you on about?

OP, what is the pharmaceutical company that you write of, and what is the drug? More support would be dandy, yes, but what exactly are you on about?

I work with a lot of women who have pnd. In the vast majority of cases (although I appreciate that this will not be a representative sample) they have partners, plenty of support, local family etc.

OP - do you think PND is over diagnosed to benefit lazy Drs and pharmaceutical companies? Or ar you saying if we all 'took a village to raise a child' there would be fewer cases?

Why cryptic messages? If you believe in your point, then make it clearly so we are all aware of what you are trying to say.

PND has been shown to have a strong genetic element. It's not just about environment; it's also about brain chemistry.
As for other cultures, they have some very good things to learn from us. I think there are plenty of cultures where you might feel rather sore after having a baby - those cultures that carry out female circumcision on little girls. Or the cultures where husbands regard on-demand sex as their right. And let's not forget those that stone women for adultery leaving their children orphaned.

Could be a little more specific OP?

The impression has been given is that you are referring to PND which would be extremely unreasonable and incredibly patronising. I hope you are being misunderstood.

Calm down ladies

Actually I don't think the OP is being offensive. Her point is that it can be quite normal to suffer a high degree of emotional fallout in the months after giving birth (considering what is expected of your mind and body, this is hardly surprising) and that support should be given in the form of help and support, not necessarily, and not solely, in the from of a chemical pill.

Te fact is that the NHS would rather dole out ADs like smarties than pay for counselling.

I had a great deal of support, from parents, in-laws, husband, friends, colleagues, midwives, doctor, mental health professionals, social workers. Pretty much as good as it could get without magically transplanting myself to a completely different society in which I would live with at least my parents, if not my in-laws as well (shudder), and the rest of my huge supportive extended family. I had all of those feelings, felt they would never get better, wanted to disappear off the face of the earth and leave everyone behind 'better off without me'. The drugs MADE ME BETTER.

YABU.