For cancelling a BBQ due to the mother of all hangovers

[NeverDrinkingEverAgain]

I am prepared for a flaming but I'm actually feeling very upset about it all.

I have recently got engaged. Friday night I had drinks planned with a few friends, and then Saturday a BBQ with a different set of friends.

As far as I knew, Friday was just a few drinks in town and I would get the train home, my friend even said she had booked a table in a bit of a grotty bar so I wasn't really expecting anything too much. When I got there they surprised me by taking me to a really swanky exclusive place and buying champagne to celebrate, which was really lovely (although I wish I'd known as I hadn't even really dressed up!). We got into the swing of things and ended up going somewhere else to dance. I drank a fair amount (about half a bottle of champagne and 3/4 of a bottle of white wine) before getting a taxi home. I was drunk, but I knew what I was doing and I remember the taxi journey.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling OK, a bit rough but not too bad. BBQ was starting a 2 so plenty of time to recover. However as the day wore on I started getting worse and worse, I was throwing up constantly and couldn't even keep down water. DP called them and said I was rough but to still come, however just after I collapsed on the bathroom floor and couldn't get up. My friends had already got on the tube so DP left message saying to call him ASAP as I was really awful and there was no way we could have people over. He got hold of them and explained, but at that point they were nearly here.

To make matters worse, one of my friends had to use a wheelchair yesterday so the journey wasn't that easy for her. I feel terrible I left it so late to cancel, but I was really looking forward to seeing them and just kept thinking I'd start to recover, until it really became apparent that just wasn't going to happen. They had a nice day at a park on the Southbank before heading home, but they are obviously really pissed off with me. My friend's DH wouldn't speak to me, and after I spoke to my female friends I sent them all a message apologising and explaining why I left it so late to cancel. Despite knowing they have read it, no one has replied. I've even sent them all gift boxes in the post to arrive tomorrow so I don't know what else I can do. It's really hurtful that they are not talking to me as I thought they would know me well enough to know that I would NEVER ordinarily do that, it must have been bad for me to let them down.

As a disclaimer, I had no reason to think I would be so ill. I was puking until 6pm and I could barely walk most of the day. Also had a weird rash all over my arms and chest. I have drunk way more on occassions and been fine the next day, I'm not usually an irresponsible drinker. I feel like a prize twat, but surely I have been punished enough. I've namechanged out of shame and embarrassment.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

that does not sound like a hangover at all, it sounds like a nasty bug or food poisoning. You poor soul, you did not deserve that.
hope you make a rapid recovery.

[expatinscotland]

This doesn't sound like a hangover, especially given the relatively small amount you drank.

It sounds more like an illness, a bug of some sort.

Could your drinks have been spiked?

[OutOutLetItAllOut]

that really does not sound like a hangover. you must have got some kinda bug, or reaction to something.

[whoneedssleepanyway]

yikes how hideous for you.

i am sure your friends will calm down when they get the little gifts you have sent them and realise how bad you feel.

in your friends position i would probably be a bit pissed off but would understand.

i remember going out with the girls from work and we were drinking white wine, not particularly cheap stuff and the next day we were all awful, like one of us got sent even from work and we were all puking, we put it down to a bad bottle of wine as whilst we had drunk a lot not enough to be that bad.

[NeverDrinkingEverAgain]

Don't think my drink was spiked as I can remember coming home (I have had my drink spiked years ago and had en bloc memory loss - a very unpleasant experience).

Everyone else was fine, and as we were drinking wine that was poured straight into our glasses I don't think it could have been.

I feel OK today apart from a burned throat which is making it hard to eat, but I am really upset about my friends reactions. I know my friend's DH is very protective over her and I know the journey across town is difficult and stressful. But I think they don't believe me as to how bad I actually was and are thinking 'great, she cancelled us for a hangover'

[BythewayItsStillMe]

I was thinking 'spiked drink' as I read the OP.

Hope you're ok now?

Give your friends a couple of days cool off and then call them all, don't text, thats a cop out. Call them and apologise individually, just say what you said here and hope for the best.
Can't imagine they'd stay mad for long.

Are you sure they're not talking to you cos you cancelled?
Definitely not something you did on friday night?

[BythewayItsStillMe]

Sorry, cross posts!

[purits]

"the relatively small amount you drank"

It's about 3 days' worth of units!

Why were you having two different engagement parties (and was the first without your fiancee?). Are you going to have two different wedding parties too?

[BythewayItsStillMe]

Purits, she had drinks with friends, its hardly a crime to celebrate with girlfriends and then have a bbq for everyone!

[expatinscotland]

Oh, please, purits. Everyone knows that 'unit' guideline shite is entirely made up.

I don't drink at all, but it's not an excessive amount to drink on the odd occassion.

And it really doesn't sound like a hangover. It sounds like a bug or food poisoning.

[scrab806ble]

defo spiked drink. go to gp, get checked. that is not a hangover!

[potoftea]

I think your mistake is calling it a hangover, or even thinking it's a hangover.

when I read your post, at first I thought "oh for god's sake no one forced you to drink too much", but then realised you actually hadn't drank too much at all. If you were that sick it isn't just a hangover.

I'd now lie exaggerate and tell your friends you are still sick, and now realise its a bug you have. I'd be very annoyed if someone drank too much and therefore cancelled meeting me, but if they were sick I would understand.

[expatinscotland]

You were okay in the morning, then got progressively worse.

That's not a hangover.

I think if your drink wasn't spiked, it's food poisoning or a bug.

I'd see the GP esp. because of the rash.

[purits]

It seems weird to have an engagement do without both the happy couple there. Or is it the current fashion to do engagement hen-do's too?

It doesn't sound like a hangover. The DH-to-be needs to learn the art of social lying putting a good spin on things, though.

[upahill]

{shrug] It's no big deal to have a drink with some mates and chat abut the good news purits. Nothing weird going on there at al!

[NeverDrinkingEverAgain]

purits - it wasn't an engagement do - it was drinks with 3 friends that was actually already arranged before I got engaged. They surprised me with the champagne and swanky bar. The BBQ also wasn't an engagement do, it was just a BBQ! I'm not even going to have an engagement do, that just seems over egging it.

I feel OK today apart from the throat. But then I haven't really eaten anything because of that.

I'm not going to lie, I had no way of knowing I'd have that kind of reaction.

[purits]

Fair point. Beg your pardon for the misunderstanding.

But it might be an idea if DH2b doesn't go around saying things like "we're cancelling because she's hungover". I'd be p*ssed off to be on the receiving end of that message, wouldn't you!?

So what are you doing with all the party food that never got eaten. Can we all come round?

[LittleMissHissyFit]

Sounds like an allergic reaction to Alcohol to me..

DH is a lightweight, (pissed on 2 cans of guinness) if he drinks anything strong or too much he breaks out in a rash (looks like splashed hot oil).

Poor you, I'm sure if you are not in the habit of doing this, then they will come round.

Hope you feel better soon!

[upahill]

Good point well put about the food Purits!

[NeverDrinkingEverAgain]

Please do. We have £100 worth of food and beer and we are going away on Wednesday. What a waste.

BTW DP didn't actually say that, he told them I was collapsed on the floor vomiting and that I was truly awful. He was actually really worried at the time and wondering if I should be going to a&e.

I can understand them being pissed off at the time, totally, but to still be pissed off after I have spoken to them on the phone (apart from friends DH who wouldn't talk to me) and then also sent an apologetic message explaining exactly how ill I was seems a bit harsh.

[Ladyanonymous]

"Oh, please, purits. Everyone knows that 'unit' guideline shite is entirely made up."

I am considered an "expert" in the drug and alcohol field in my locality and I can assure you it is not shite nor "made up" .

It takes your liver an hour to process one unit of alcohol - however diluted it is.

Does sound like more than a hangover OP - is there any possibility you could be pg?

[purits]

How are your Friday night pals - anyone else suffering?

Don't worry about the BBQ friends. Go off and and have a lovely time and, when you come back, invite them round to look at the holiday snaps. I'm sure they will love that. arf.

[expatinscotland]

No one really knows definitively, Lady, how people will be affected long-term.

Again, I'm a non-drinker, but don't buy this units business at all.

It's a silly way to approach alcohol and has honestly done nothing to abate the drinking culture here

There needs to be another approach. More stick than just scolding people about it, IMO.

[Ladyanonymous]

Of course no one can ever know for sure how individuals will be affected but you cannot dispute medical facts?! and dismiss them as "this units business".

Its a much better way to approach drinking than a weekly "limit" and acts as a good guideline for anyone unsure as to whether they are drinking too much.

I have spend the last 6 years of my life educating young people about alcohol and how to use it safely and responsible and find your uninformed remarks ridiculous.

We never ever scold, we present the facts so that people can make informed choices.