What shouldn't men say to women about gender issues?

[QuiteIrregular]

I was wondering if people would mind giving me a quick insight into a question I've had conversations about with friends recently: what are the infuriating things men who think they "get" feminism say to women? Not the straight-out anti-feminist "women have no problems in the West" or "feminism is sexist against men", but the stuff that comes from thinking they understand, but haven't really?

I put a post on my blog about this, suggesting these as a starting list I'd heard female friends complain about:

"I find strong women really attractive"
"You’re not like other girls, they’re all so obsessed with makeup and appearance and what men want. You’re different."
"Real women have curves. Those models all look like teenage boys, ugh."
Feminism is so great, but it would appeal to more people if it focused more on real equality, not just on what women want. Then it would really take off globally."
"That might have sounded sexist, but actually I’m a feminist."

People have also suggested "Are you sure he meant it like that?", "Wow, how inappropriate! I would never do thing like that!" Are there similar or equivalent things from your experience?

[ApocalypseThen]

"If you looked at it logically, you'd understand." There's nothing worse than dismissing someone's experience and claiming you're soon it because you've access to this special male trait.

[shaska]

oooohhhh Apocalypse the logic thing sends me round the bend.

Especially as I'm actually good at logic, in the classic sense. But they never mean actual logic. They mean 'look at it like a man. like me! me!'

[WhirlpoolGalaxyM51]

"You’re not like other girls, they’re all so obsessed with makeup and appearance and what men want. You’re different."
"Real women have curves. Those models all look like teenage boys, ugh."

These two are bang on!

Will see if I can think of any more. I don't have many feminist convos in real life so probably don't hear too much of this sort of thing.

[AnyFucker]

You should be flattered when men wolf whistle and catcall you

[grimbletart]

Here's the killer one: "As a mere man….."

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

'but if you're in a relationship, it doesn't matter who earns the most'

[TeiTetua]

"But she still might have consented."

[ZuluInJozi]

Not all men are misogynists
It's sexist to say I can't be a feminist

[sourdrawers]

So blokes are incapable of really believing any of those things? Rather cold and cynical this thread, no?

[Yops]

Anything

[TheCowThatLaughs]

"Hi, man here. Just popping onto the threas to give a male viewpoint"

[WhirlpoolGalaxyM51]

sourdrawers I'm sure men believe those things but OP is talking about men who say they are "on board" with feminism and so men who claim that to say those things is somewhat off the mark and

[cailindana]

"None of my female friends have ever experienced that/felt that way" (implication: you are making it up and I know more about women's experiences that you do).
"I think feminism should be about...[something other than what women think it should be about]
"You're not looking at this rationally" (implication: I am so much more rational than you are because I am man, therefore I am able to say how things are and you're not).
"Yes but women do lie about rape, don't they..."
"I don't have any sexist attitudes, I never have."
"You can resist all those stereotypes though, unlike other women..."

[cailindana]

I think you're missing the point of the thread slightly sourdrawers.

[AnyFucker]

Hey sourdrawers, you know that only women get called names like that, yeah ?

along with nagging, uptight, frigid etc

[Bluestocking]

"Women are so much better at multitasking - we men can only do one thing at a time!"

[uglyswan]

"Yes, but let me play Devil's advocate for one moment here..."

[SomebodysRealName]

But we've achieved equality now, haven't we?

[SomebodysRealName]

Oh I've got the wrong end of the stick haven't I; I don't know why because I read your blog piece this morning! I don't think I actually know any men who get it or even think they get it.

[sourdrawers]

Maybe I have callind But maybe what you want it to mean feels a bit mean and nasty to me. You can take any remark and create a context for it that confirms your cynicism can't you? Carry on though, clearly I'm lacking.....

[AskBasil]

"I just see everyone equally and treat them all the same. I'm sorry you don't feel able to do that"