Thought provoking link. Clothing of sexual assault victims.

(31 Posts)
internetismadeofcats Fri 14-Mar-14 22:33:05
NiceTabard Fri 14-Mar-14 23:26:53

Thank you for posting.

That is so terribly upsetting.

NiceTabard Fri 14-Mar-14 23:27:49

There have been some very powerful threads on here re. have you been raped, did you report. Really upsetting, so many stories. Very few reported.

GarthsUncle Fri 14-Mar-14 23:38:53

God that's heartbreaking.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Sat 15-Mar-14 08:54:51

Thanks for posting. It makes me want to cry.

BaileyWhite Sat 15-Mar-14 08:56:27

I saw this last week -deeply moving and a very clever way of challenging preconceived ideas about sexual assault and the 'choosing' of victims.

JustTheRightBullets Sat 15-Mar-14 18:04:37

That's a fantastic link. It still surprises me how many people (not misogynists, but people who are otherwise supportive of victims etc.) still believe that what you are wearing has an effect on likelihood of sexual assault.

The only things that have an effect on your level of risk are (a) having a vagina (women make up the vast majority of victims) and (b) your proximity to a rapist / abuser.

SinisterSal Sat 15-Mar-14 18:12:47

But the other side of the coin - yes I was wearing my pulling outfit, yes I was pissed. Yes, I was up for some sex! Just NOT WITH YOU. Even when a woman wants sex it's not just with any old random, she still gets to choose WHO.

Sometimes I think (massive generalisation alert) that objectification means any old vagina will do (to a certain type of man). And lacking in empathy means it must be the same for women, if they fancy sex then any old penis will do.

JustTheRightBullets Sat 15-Mar-14 18:21:32

Good point. And even if a woman wants sex with you, that doesn't necessarily mean she wants a certain type of sex, or for it to happen more than once.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 15-Mar-14 18:33:21

As I'm sure I've said before, a shoplifter doesn't get very far with the defence that the merchandise was laid out all temptingly. It's there to encourage you to buy, but that doesn't give you a right to just take it - or even oblige the shopkeeper to serve you.

Squidwert Sat 15-Mar-14 18:59:28

I was wearing a very modest (and brand new) dress. It was broad daylight in a busy London street. Not only did the police never contact me again after I gave them. Photofit, but they kept my dress hmm

JustTheRightBullets Sat 15-Mar-14 19:13:00

The police kept my clothes too, and still have them 16 years later. My favourite (at the time) shoes and winter coat.

I'm going to be testifying in court this year (he was only caught last year through DNA) and with the prospect of a court case coming up I am stupidly glad that I was dressed 'modestly' as it will give the defence less ammunition, but it shouldn't matter at all.

GarthsUncle Sat 15-Mar-14 19:13:37

Good luck Just

JustTheRightBullets Sat 15-Mar-14 19:17:31

Thanks. It's still a long way off, though - October.

legoplayingmumsunite Sat 15-Mar-14 23:05:12

Oh that's so upsetting, especially the 5 yr old protecting her sister.

SinisterSal Sat 15-Mar-14 23:34:06

that bit was particularly horrendous - my DD's are that age sad

HelloTraverse Sat 15-Mar-14 23:45:37

I can't believe that people still carry this notion. Maybe we should all have less sympathy for victims of theft/burglary if they live in a flashy house with a sports car parked outside.

AskBasil Sat 15-Mar-14 23:57:54

I was wearing a blue velvet dress.

One of the reasons I didn't bother to report. I knew that dress would make me not the right kind of victim, so there was no point complaining.

HerrenaHarridan Sat 15-Mar-14 23:59:43

I have heard that said traverse, flash your wealth and expect to get robbed.

I think that stunts like this are helpful in some ways as it helps some unthinking people to realise that the vast majority of victims of sexual abuse are not dressed to attract attention at the time.

While this is an important point to make equally important is that even if you were dressed 'provocatively' that does not mean you want to have sex with every person that happens to see you.

Good luck in court, it's not so very bad especially with DNA in a stranger situation as there is no other legitimate reason for his DNA to have been on you.

I got a conviction, I also got my clothes (school uniform, grey trousers and grey and white striped blouse) back but I really wished they didn't!

SinisterSal Sun 16-Mar-14 00:01:20

That's it.

No point complaining unless you were a virgin coming home from choir practice in church wearing loose clothing in broad daylight when a strange man dragged you kicking and screaming into an alley. No wonder feck all get convicted.

TheArticFunky Sun 16-Mar-14 00:47:31

It shouldn't matter a jot what you were wearing - if you haven't consented you haven't consented there is no grey area.

I think we have gone backwards in this country. 10 years ago there was more understanding or at least that was my perception. I was reading about a court case regarding a rape allegation on Facebook and opinions from many of the men and women were really quite concerning.

TheArticFunky Sun 16-Mar-14 00:50:46

I agree SinisterSal. I wouldn't report unless it was similar to the circumstances you described.

WhentheRed Sun 16-Mar-14 01:32:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelloTraverse Sun 16-Mar-14 02:03:36

As long as women are seen by society as possessions that us men must acquire these archaic attitudes will always exist and come to hinder progression; women are ultimately perceived prizes that us men win or even catch, almost like Pokemon. Society as a whole dehumanises women to such a point that the only thing they're judged by are looks/attractiveness or rather, appropriateness. A women breastfeeding her child in public isn't "appropriate", therefore she's a tramp and deserves criticism. Women wears a short skirt, society deems her inappropriate, therefore she's labelled a slut and probably deserves whatever she gets, even rape.

If you're a women you must stay strictly within preset boundaries or else society will question your decency, and seeing as women are mainly judged on looks, the clothing you wear becomes the standard by which you're judged - the majority of people don't hold female intelligence in high regard. Us men however have plenty of leeway, the boundaries just don't exist in the same way. It's absolutely crazy to think that a women is deemed a tramp for simply breastfeeding her child (albeit in public), yet the likes of Gazza and Tyson are deemed heroes despite one being an alcoholic women beater and the other a convicted rapist. Just goes to show that even if a man is a scumbag he will still get more respect than a female victim.

For example, it really annoys me that Chris Brown has been so readily forgiven despite showing no remorse. It stunned me that some people (including some of my female college buddies) thought that Rihanna must have done something to "spark" Brown into a violent rage. Just goes to show that society doesn't believe that women can be non-compliant victims, i.e bad things don't just happen to women, a women must have done something to make that bad thing happen to her. It all goes back to the Bible and the "Virgin" Mary which instilled the notion that a women is only worth something if she is completely untouched, pure and modest, only then is she worthy of societies praise and respect.

Hence, women who aren't modest are not respected by society and are judged to have fallen below the unattainable level of perfection the "Virgin" Mary set (or rather the level of perfection that the MEN who wrote the Bible set).

So women are basically set up to fail and no matter what will always be judged as not worthy. You'll always be too fat or too thin, too nice/timid or too aggressive, not intelligent enough or (God forbid) far too intelligent for your own good. Skirt very long? Well, you're probably frigid - skirt very short, you're probably a slut that's up for it. Fact is the very foundation that society is built on is sexist so therefore the workings of industry and government, business and the justice system within it are all inherently sexist and women being judged based upon what they wear is just the tip.

I'm a relatively inexperienced guy regarding my life experience and I never used to think that there was a patriarchal system that actively inhibited women, but as I grow older and a little wiser, day by day I see it in full effect.

HelloTraverse Sun 16-Mar-14 02:06:19

Good lord! I got carried away, didn't realise how long my comment was...whoops. lol

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