Thought provoking link. Clothing of sexual assault victims.

[internetismadeofcats]

www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/sexual-assault-survivors-answer-the-question-what-were-you-w

[NiceTabard]

Thank you for posting.

That is so terribly upsetting.

[NiceTabard]

There have been some very powerful threads on here re. have you been raped, did you report. Really upsetting, so many stories. Very few reported.

[GarthsUncle]

God that's heartbreaking.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Thanks for posting. It makes me want to cry.

[BaileyWhite]

I saw this last week -deeply moving and a very clever way of challenging preconceived ideas about sexual assault and the 'choosing' of victims.

[SinisterSal]

But the other side of the coin - yes I was wearing my pulling outfit, yes I was pissed. Yes, I was up for some sex! Just NOT WITH YOU. Even when a woman wants sex it's not just with any old random, she still gets to choose WHO.

Sometimes I think (massive generalisation alert) that objectification means any old vagina will do (to a certain type of man). And lacking in empathy means it must be the same for women, if they fancy sex then any old penis will do.

[Anniegetyourgun]

As I'm sure I've said before, a shoplifter doesn't get very far with the defence that the merchandise was laid out all temptingly. It's there to encourage you to buy, but that doesn't give you a right to just take it - or even oblige the shopkeeper to serve you.

[Squidwert]

I was wearing a very modest (and brand new) dress. It was broad daylight in a busy London street. Not only did the police never contact me again after I gave them. Photofit, but they kept my dress

[GarthsUncle]

Good luck Just

[legoplayingmumsunite]

Oh that's so upsetting, especially the 5 yr old protecting her sister.

[SinisterSal]

that bit was particularly horrendous - my DD's are that age

[HelloTraverse]

I can't believe that people still carry this notion. Maybe we should all have less sympathy for victims of theft/burglary if they live in a flashy house with a sports car parked outside.

[AskBasil]

I was wearing a blue velvet dress.

One of the reasons I didn't bother to report. I knew that dress would make me not the right kind of victim, so there was no point complaining.

[HerrenaHarridan]

I have heard that said traverse, flash your wealth and expect to get robbed.

I think that stunts like this are helpful in some ways as it helps some unthinking people to realise that the vast majority of victims of sexual abuse are not dressed to attract attention at the time.

While this is an important point to make equally important is that even if you were dressed 'provocatively' that does not mean you want to have sex with every person that happens to see you.

Good luck in court, it's not so very bad especially with DNA in a stranger situation as there is no other legitimate reason for his DNA to have been on you.

I got a conviction, I also got my clothes (school uniform, grey trousers and grey and white striped blouse) back but I really wished they didn't!

[SinisterSal]

That's it.

No point complaining unless you were a virgin coming home from choir practice in church wearing loose clothing in broad daylight when a strange man dragged you kicking and screaming into an alley. No wonder feck all get convicted.

[TheArticFunky]

It shouldn't matter a jot what you were wearing - if you haven't consented you haven't consented there is no grey area.

I think we have gone backwards in this country. 10 years ago there was more understanding or at least that was my perception. I was reading about a court case regarding a rape allegation on Facebook and opinions from many of the men and women were really quite concerning.

[TheArticFunky]

I agree SinisterSal. I wouldn't report unless it was similar to the circumstances you described.

[HelloTraverse]

As long as women are seen by society as possessions that us men must acquire these archaic attitudes will always exist and come to hinder progression; women are ultimately perceived prizes that us men win or even catch, almost like Pokemon. Society as a whole dehumanises women to such a point that the only thing they're judged by are looks/attractiveness or rather, appropriateness. A women breastfeeding her child in public isn't "appropriate", therefore she's a tramp and deserves criticism. Women wears a short skirt, society deems her inappropriate, therefore she's labelled a slut and probably deserves whatever she gets, even rape.

If you're a women you must stay strictly within preset boundaries or else society will question your decency, and seeing as women are mainly judged on looks, the clothing you wear becomes the standard by which you're judged - the majority of people don't hold female intelligence in high regard. Us men however have plenty of leeway, the boundaries just don't exist in the same way. It's absolutely crazy to think that a women is deemed a tramp for simply breastfeeding her child (albeit in public), yet the likes of Gazza and Tyson are deemed heroes despite one being an alcoholic women beater and the other a convicted rapist. Just goes to show that even if a man is a scumbag he will still get more respect than a female victim.

For example, it really annoys me that Chris Brown has been so readily forgiven despite showing no remorse. It stunned me that some people (including some of my female college buddies) thought that Rihanna must have done something to "spark" Brown into a violent rage. Just goes to show that society doesn't believe that women can be non-compliant victims, i.e bad things don't just happen to women, a women must have done something to make that bad thing happen to her. It all goes back to the Bible and the "Virgin" Mary which instilled the notion that a women is only worth something if she is completely untouched, pure and modest, only then is she worthy of societies praise and respect.

Hence, women who aren't modest are not respected by society and are judged to have fallen below the unattainable level of perfection the "Virgin" Mary set (or rather the level of perfection that the MEN who wrote the Bible set).

So women are basically set up to fail and no matter what will always be judged as not worthy. You'll always be too fat or too thin, too nice/timid or too aggressive, not intelligent enough or (God forbid) far too intelligent for your own good. Skirt very long? Well, you're probably frigid - skirt very short, you're probably a slut that's up for it. Fact is the very foundation that society is built on is sexist so therefore the workings of industry and government, business and the justice system within it are all inherently sexist and women being judged based upon what they wear is just the tip.

I'm a relatively inexperienced guy regarding my life experience and I never used to think that there was a patriarchal system that actively inhibited women, but as I grow older and a little wiser, day by day I see it in full effect.

[HelloTraverse]

Good lord! I got carried away, didn't realise how long my comment was...whoops. lol

[HerrenaHarridan]

Hello traverse; have you got a daughter by any chance

It's incredible the extent to who these things are inherent in our society