Is men pooing a feminist issue?

(103 Posts)
coldwinter Wed 09-Oct-13 10:43:12

Just been on another thread elsewhere, where women are complaining about the amount of time their DP's take to poo in the toilet. Strangely enough, for some it always seems to happen when things are hectic with the kids hmm.

So I think this is a feminist issue. After all, mums can't just bugger off to have a 30 or 45 minute poo leaving young children unattended outside. But some fathers routinely do this, leaving their DP's to cope alone with the kids.

flipchart Wed 09-Oct-13 10:45:41

It's a relationship issue IMO.
In 17 years of having kids DH has never disappeared to avoid childcare.

BuffytheAppleBobber Wed 09-Oct-13 11:20:07

I'd probably separate the poo from the (conscious or unconscious) assumption that the mum is there to look after the kids and the dad helps when he can.

Time taken to poo = not a feminist issue
Assumption that childcare is women's work = feminist issue

Agree that in general childcare is seen as a woman's responsibility - this is a societal thing.

In individual relationships if it's done to avoid then it's a relationship issue.

I think any partner absenting them self to avoid the children is one that needs to be looked at.

I don't think pooing has anything to do with it.

coldwinter Wed 09-Oct-13 11:29:43

So may women are saying their DP's go to the bathroom for a long poo . And taht it seems to coincide with hectic childcare times. One even talked about the idea that men take biologically longer to poo hmm

sonlypuppyfat Wed 09-Oct-13 11:32:27

I think men even drawing a breath is a feminist issue on here, they are always being slagged off for something.

scallopsrgreat Wed 09-Oct-13 11:33:41

I think it is just one of a long list of excuses some men use to avoid childcare. The added bonus for the men is that it is one of those excuses that makes the woman look unreasonable to question hmm

BuffytheAppleBobber Wed 09-Oct-13 11:37:55

sonlypuppyfat if you'd care to read a bit more carefully what feminists post on here (indeed, even some feminist theory, if you can bear it) you'll see that what is being critiqued isn't men it's society and how it privileges them.

fasterthanthewind Wed 09-Oct-13 11:42:22

BUT

DS takes way longer to do a poo than DD.

So, whilst I'd always thought it was a way to escape from mayhem, and one which I indulge in as well, I'm now not so sure.

DH takes forever, children, no children, book, no book etc etc

ChunkyPickle Wed 09-Oct-13 11:55:39

I've been known to just chuck the child in with him while he poos (not looking while opening and shutting the door - it's the one rule of privacy that we don't barge in while the other is pooing).

I agree with Buffy though - it's not the pooing, it's the assumption that DP makes that he can just disappear off for half an hour to poo/lie on the bed/cook dinner/whatever and not need to keep an eye on the kids (or make sure that I'm looking after the kids). Whereas no matter what I'm doing, I have one ear/eye on them to make sure that they're OK and not getting up to mischief.

I wonder if there is something different about how men poo though, rather than just a sense of entitlement to quiet-time because DP really does have a routine, as does DS (who's far too young for it to be anything but instinct), and disruption to that routine is a problem. Whereas I'm more of an as-and-when-I-need-to

FrightRider Wed 09-Oct-13 12:29:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrumpetQueen Wed 09-Oct-13 12:32:19

My partner does this but also takes really long (1hour) baths after he's finished work (works from home). So just when I need a break from running around after ds all day, he's getting into a steaming hot bath leaving me to make dinner with ds crawling around me angry

I will be having serious words about this as its not acceptable, and as someone said up thread, women can't do this!

TheCrumpetQueen Wed 09-Oct-13 12:32:49

He said he has to take ages to poo otherwise he gets piles if he pushes

LazyGaga Wed 09-Oct-13 12:38:48

Well women can do it if they go in the toilet, lock the door and leave the dc in the care of their father.

confused hmm

Boosterseattheballcleaner Wed 09-Oct-13 12:52:07

TheCrumpetQueen - Yes mothers (with partners) can.

They tell the OH they are off for a bath for an hour and away you go.

It really is that easy.

PenguinsDontEatPancakes Wed 09-Oct-13 13:33:36

I'm going to steer clear of the biology on this one.

But there was something in a novel I read recently that really spoke to me. It was called Night Waking by Sarah Moss. No spoilers of the actual story, but basic premise is male and female academic on a Scottish island with their two young boys. They both want to get work done. No childcare. The wife literally grabs her books and runs and hides. Because she has noticed that, whereas she asks permission, her husband just vanishes. And if she asks permission it becomes a negotiation over who needs the time more.

I am a SAHM at the moment, but that really spoke to me. The way that, as women, we often take the default responsibility for the children. We feel that, to absent ourselves, we need to 'hand over' to someone else. Since I read it, I've tried to do a lot more just getting on with things on the basis that there is another perfectly capable adult in the house. You know, I walk out of the room they are playing in and come downstairs and start cooking. I go to the toilet and lock the door. I don't check that DH is watching them before I do. And you know the biggest thing, I don't think DH has even noticed. Because I don't think he even realised that I was checking and seeking permission each time. He doesn't. It was a pressure I was placing on myself.

pokesandprodsforthelasttime Wed 09-Oct-13 13:47:02

I guess some men might use the urge to poo as an excuse to avoid childcare.

But that doesn't explain why my DH still did 20 minute poos pre-DC.

To be fair DH complains about how long it takes me to dry my hair and decide what to wear in the morning, whilst cunning avoiding childcare.

He might have a point grin

SinisterSal Wed 09-Oct-13 15:18:35

How many women just disappear off for a hot bath for half an hour at tea time? With/without saying it to their OH's

confused as to why anyone thinks that's a thing in the real world.

LukesMum123 Wed 09-Oct-13 16:10:22

This became a real issue between me and my loved one. I decided enough was enough and set up a camera in the bathroom, to really see what he was getting up to. I was worried he was possibly texting/talking to another woman. Luckily this was not the case, but to my horror I discovered he was having a PBW, I was disgusted that when I confronted him, I found he does this on regular basis. Has anyone else found this same problem?

KoPo Wed 09-Oct-13 16:16:07

PBW? Niot sure what you mean by that.

BadSeedsAddict Wed 09-Oct-13 16:17:53

What's a PBW? My DS takes longer than my DDs. I take ages just sitting in the bathroom because it is quiet and I don't have to answer to anyone in there. As soon as I come out there are children clamouring for my attention. It's like that book Five Minutes Peace, if I ever need to quietly do something they all come trooping in. They seem fairly convinced I just have very time-consuming poos grin

YoureBeingADick Wed 09-Oct-13 16:22:03

hmm Lukesmum. Im more horrified at you putting a camera in a bathroom than him having a wank. Quite disgusting if you ask me. You that is.

YoureBeingADick Wed 09-Oct-13 16:22:48

Im guessing pbw is a wank of somesort.

LukesMum123 Wed 09-Oct-13 16:29:34

I was very unsure of putting a camera in the bathroom but i had to get to the bottom of his despicable actions.

hellsbells76 Wed 09-Oct-13 16:32:38

Pokey Bum Wank apparently. Every day a school day eh? hmm

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