help me find a non sexist credit card!

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

I am fuming tonight.
DH and I have a joint credit card.. or it WAS. I am the family banker, and so all the finances, pay card etc. Generally I pay online but Tescos only update their site once a month which irritates me as often I pay it off mid month.
So tonight I rang them to pay it off and after an interminable length of time trying to get thro to an actual human, I checked the balance and asked to pay.

At which point they asked if my husband was there.. I asked why. Well, said the woman, we need the permission of the primary card holder before I could pay! Hmm since when I asked, as we had a joint account (had specifically stated this when we opened the account a few years ago) and were joint card holders.

On no, sorry he is the primary card holder. Since when? Since we made a few changes to our system. Why have you made HIM primary card holder, given that ALL account payments, issues etc have always been done by myself, paid from MY account etc... never had an issue before!

pause.. silence.. then 'sorry but HE is the primary account holder' ' new policy..'

I am fucking fuming. I had to hand the phone to my bemused husband who confirmed bla bla and gave it back for me so I could pay. Which I did and curtly informed them that we were now closing the account.

SO.. I m looking for a new account. We prefer a joint account for ease but under NO circumstances am I ever using anyone who automatically makes my husband primary holder over myself! Surely there must be somewhere out there that isn't so ridiculous?

(failing that any recommendations for a card for myself....)
Ta!

[lostinindia]

Bloody hell I'm fuming for you.

[hocuspontas]

I don't think it's anything to do with gender I think it's whose name appears first on the application form. We are in exactly the same position - I deal with all the finances but I 'need' dp for certain security phonecalls. We set this account up over 15 years ago - since then I am aways careful to put my name first!

[AlwaysWild]

There have been numerous instances on here of banks swopping people round so the man is first.

FWIW I recently changed to Coop and they asked me which way round we would like our names, so everything arrives Mrs and Mr AlwaysWild.

[nocake]

There's no such thing as a joint credit card. Legally one party has to be responsible, hence the primary card holder. As hocuspontas says, the application form will have had a section for the primary card holder details then a section for the additional card holder details. That's the way you filled in the form so that's the way they legally had to set up the credit card account.

[BiscuitNibbler]

I don't think it is possible to have a joint credit card, they are all one cardholder and then additional cardholders.

Amex wouldn't even let me change my name with a marriage cert without a letter from my husband agreeing to it, hence my card is still in my maiden name as we just can't be bothered.

[BiscuitNibbler]

Cross posts.

[MissTinaTeaspoon]

It's just whose name came first on the application...mine came first on ours so I'm the account holder...it's an MBNA card in my name with dh as a secondary cardholder. It's not sexist at all

[nickelbabe]

very strange (and on your behalf)

With our joint bank account, DH's name is first, even though it's based on my account with the bank, so I can only assume it's because man's name bigger and more important.

however, with my credit card, it's with the same bank, Lloyds TSB, and the primary card holder is the person that opens the account ,and whose credit is checked.
DH is a secondary card holder on that account, and bills come to me in my name. He's only allowed to use the card, any non-payments or breaking of the rules come under my name, and it's my responsibility.

[HappyCamel]

Yep, no such thing as a joint credit card. It will be two cardholders but he is responsible for all the spending. It must be the order of your names on the application form. In our house im theprimary cardholder.

Tesco Finance online updates daily and you can pay the balance online too, that's what I do.

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

Grrrr... Ok I guess they must have put him first by default.. but they never told us and it was never queried when I sorted everything until today.

I guess I will opening the next one with myself as named primary holder then.

My Tesco finance online does NOT update daily... it is still requesting last month's balance paid on 5th november.. hence my irritation. They told me tonight it won't be updated until the new statement is prepared in a a few days. Very annoying !

However I shall find a nice new credit card and put myself firmly FIRST:)

[SardineQueen]

Our joint current account is with nationwide and the letters come to Mrs sardine & mr sardine

Credit card is john lewis and I am primary person and he is just an addition although in theory that means he could run up a massive bill and I'd have to pay.

for you though. Although as others point out it might always have been that way and you only just found out cos you called them

[Trills]

Are you sure it's sexist?

It's clearly wrong to change from joint to having one person be in charge.

But if Lloyds did that to our joint account I would be the primary cardholder because my name is first on the account.

At some point when you registered you said one name before the other.

[catsareevil]

I think that there has to be a primary account holder. I'm the primary account holder on my account, and my DH has the second card.

[elliott]

I'm with first direct and I am primary card holder - because it was my credit card first and dh was added later.
I don't know how many banks have systems that assume the man is the primary card holder by default (i.e. without asking) but I guess the way to be sure when you open your next account is to make sure your name goes first (and to double check with them that you are the primary holder). If that is what you want of course - but it does seem that for a credit card its not possible to have a truly joint card. Not sure why not, given that its perfectly possible to be jointly liable for a mortgage or for council tax

[anonandariston]

We have just opened a joint account with credit cards with natwest and I am the primary account holder because I opened it, on our cards it says Mrs and Mr and all paperwork names me first, I was quite pleasantly surprised actually!

[perplexedpirate]

I quite love 'mrs and mr pirate'. Why has that never occurred to me before? Excuse me while I go change rather a lot of joint documentation.

[SardineQueen]

Can you remember whose name you applied for the credit card in initially?

[KRITIQ]

I don't like using titles of any kind. I especially don't like the fact that when I'm asked for a title as a woman, I'm almost always offered only Miss or Mrs, which is the same as asking my marital status when there is no need for the person to know that. Credit card companies and banks insist, so mine have Ms on them.

Perhaps I'm being naive here, but I'm kind of surprised that so many folks have said they have joint credit cards and bank accounts with their partners or spouses. I've been married twice and never had any joint accounts with my DH. I know Martin Lewis (the MSE guy,) strongly recommends couples DON'T have joint accounts because they are harder to manage and if things go pear shaped in the relationship, can be used by one as ammunition against the other. Your credit score can go belly up if you end up connected with someone who then develops bad credit.

I know this is a bit of a tangent (sorry op), but would it not make more sense just to have separate credit card and bank accounts? The name issue wouldn't be an issue in that case, for starters. If one person earns more than the other, they could set up a standing order to transfer money into the account of the other each month. I'm genuinely curious what the benefit is in having a joint account of any kind.

I do understand having a mortgage together. Sometimes unrelated friends who buy together also have a mortgage in both or all their names but either make payments separately or set up an arrangement for one to pay their share to the other who then pays the bill. That's what DH and I do - clean, paper trail of transactions and all that.

Maybe I am missing something obvious here! :)

[redridingwolf]

I had a credit card account which I added DH to. I am the primary account holder and the bank won't deal with him over anything. It's irritating sometimes when I'd like it to be him who sorts things out. But, like you OP, I am the family banker, so there you go.

Perhaps you could open your own credit card account and then a couple of months later add your DH to it? That way it will definitely be you who is the primary account holder.

[Kveta]

Nationwide put me first on our account, so we get post to Dr Kveta and Mr DH. I would go in there all guns blazing if they changed it, as I opened the account in the first place. They have been pretty good though, so would recommend them.

[BoffinMum]

I had problems getting my John Lewis fridge repaired, because the bint woman on the other end of the line kept asking to speak to my husband to authorise it all, and I asked what he had to do with anything, as I had bought and paid for the fridge and all the paperwork was in my name.

She disputed this and later I realised it was because it was 'Dr BoffinMum' on the paperwork, and she had assumed the Dr would have to be my husband.

I rang back and found that he had been apparently ennobled by John Lewis, and was now 'Sir BoffinMum' as they had pulled the wrong thing down from the drop down menu. He liked that.

[Trills]

We have a joint account into which we both pay money, then this account pays for all bills/food/rent/household expenses.

Much simpler than doing maths over "I spent £40 in Sainsburys and you spent £120 on house insurance".

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Kri - not having a mortgage or anything, it may be a bit different here. However:

I have a joint account with DH (or three) because we share money. We also have our own accounts. But big expenses like the rent money and money for food come out of the joint account, and we both pay more-or-less equal amounts into that account from our own separate accounts.

In my experience, if you don't have a joint account, you are in a constant process of working out who can afford to pay what. If you're stuck with a selfish bloke, as I have been, you find he's telling you he can't afford anything and you end up paying, and if you are very naive and stupid, you believe him when he promises he'll even it up by paying his share later, and you end up several thousand pounds down with him saying 'but you could afford it and I couldn't, all my money went on games and books and so on, so really I was poor and you can say bye to the money'.

At least if you have a joint account you can see where the bulk of the money is and how it's being spent. You both know if there's not enough there to cover rent and you can both scramble to work out how to sort that. You don't end up in the situation that comes up on MN quite often, when one partner has lied about paying rent, or some important bill, and the family is about to be cut off or evicted. It's more secure.

I don't think, on our joint account, DH can do much without me knowing. I would notice if we went overdrawn, that sort of thing. IME a joint account is much more secure. I can see some of the risks but it doesn't compare to the stress of someone who will not get a joint account with you - IMO that is a huge red flag.

[nickelbabe]

I even had a joint account with my friend when we rented a house together.
It's a very sensible way of doing it - not to be your only account obviously!
but as a "kitty" then it's essential - both of us put a set amount in every month, based on our bills and groceries (we had things that weren't allowed to be bought from the joint account - eg she couldn't buy fish, because I wouldn't eat it, and I wasn't allowed to use it for tampons, because she had about 8million of them ), but most food and toiletries we shared, so came out of the joint account.

it meant that there was never a "you owe me £30 for the gas bill" scenario, and if we needed anything for the house, either of us could get it without having to consult the other.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

The real question is, do joint accounts induce labour?

(Don't kill me, don't kill me!)