Are you in love with your teenaged DS?

[Bonsoir]

A few months ago, a mother at school who has a little girl in DD's class (ie 6 years old), told me that she spent most of her time with her 15 year old DS because "he wasn't going to be with her for much longer". She had a sort of starry-eyed look when she spoke of him. I subsequently learned that her DH lives in another country (though the whole family gets together often). It is quite clear that the mother in question (who is a very nice person) is besotted with her DS. I have met him, and he is very gorgeous (if you like 15 year olds).

A couple of days ago DP was talking to exW and told me that she is totally smitten with DSS1 (also 15). exW has a boyfriend, but he is not much cop. DP is sure that exW was just thrilled to be spending all this weekend with DSS1 (he is elsewhere with DSS2 and exW's BF is also elsewhere).

Not having had brothers and not having had sons, I look on bemused. But I told this story to the mother of two young sons yesterday, and she smiled and said, yes, she does sometimes fantasise about what her elder DS will be like when he is in his late teens.

Does anyone relate to this?

[OrmRenewed]

Hmm....

I'm in love with my 13 yr old but that's because he's funny and clever and gives me hugs all the time and tells me I don't embarrass him in front of his friends even when I do. But not because he's gorgeous.

I will observe my friends with old lads.

[OrmRenewed]

older not old

[Bonsoir]

Is he taller than you?

Both the other mother and DP's exW seem to have fallen in love with their sons once they really became man-sized.

[OrmRenewed]

No not yet. I'm nearly 6'. But not long to go.

[Bonsoir]

Anyway, its shedding light on why teenage boys can be so vile to girls. How can those girls compete with the woman he is living with and whose means so entirely outstrip theirs?

[catinthehat2]

That is one whole can of worms that never even occurred to me. But I think you might be onto something, however ghastly.

[Bonsoir]

It had never, ever occurred to me before, either [naïve emoticon]!

But now I am alerted to it, I am more and more curious.

I fear DSS1, who tends to be very self-serving, will not be improved in any way by having his mother swooning over him like this .

[SixtyFootDoll]

DS1 is approaching his teens and turning out to be handsome and a great person.
I suppose there is that thing of being able to mould your son into the 'ideal man' maybe?

[catinthehat2]

I am off to boil myself in bleach for a bit until I feel cleansed.

[Bonsoir]

"I suppose there is that thing of being able to mould your son into the 'ideal man' maybe?"

Maybe it's to wise to set up a savings account for his future therapy bills at the same time

[SixtyFootDoll]

BS -

Not that I ned to mould my DS, he is perfect as he is.
Apart from leaving dirty clothes on the floor, wet towels on the floor......etc;

[OrmRenewed]

I guess there is something about the 'moulding'. Whether consciously or not, you will have imparted your values, attitudes, sense of humour etc onto your son and made him your 'ideal' in a sense - ie like you but different.

[Bonsoir]

There you go, you think he's perfect, he knows it, and he gets away with the wet towels etc.

And there are all these posters on MN complaining about their DH's and their terrible domestic habits and why didn't their mothers train them better? Now we know - their mothers forgave them anything, so blinded they were by love

[SixtyFootDoll]

I think you have found the answer to life's eternal mystery BS!

[OrmRenewed]

But who's to say I treat my DD any differently?

[Bonsoir]

Are you bisexual, Orm?

[OrmRenewed]

Not as far as I know

[OrmRenewed]

My point being that I'm 'in love' with all my children. But DS#1 is old enough to have a rational adult conversation with so our relationships is different.

[Bonsoir]

I'm not talking about the love you feel for your children. I'm talking about women (perhaps in particular ones whose couple relationships are not fulfilling) falling in love with their teenage DSs and those boys becoming "the man in their lives", the focus of all their attentions.

[brimfull]

I agree with you Bonsoir. I know some mums that are besotted by their teenage sons. Not all are pandered too and self serving though..but quite a few are.

Dh , who grew up without a mother , makes the perfect husband .

[Bonsoir]

I'm sure that DP's mother was like this with him. All the signs are there (though he is overcoming them now!). Apparently she cried for a week when he got engaged to exW.

[RheaSylvia]

I think it's an enormous leap to make from recognising that a mother loves her son, and as he approaches manhood realises that he will not be around for ever, and that she must enjoy the few one-on-one weekends they will get (particularly if he has to split his life between her home and his father's), to suggesting that the mother is "in love" with her son. What evidence have you that the mother is "in love" with her son? It's dangerous territory that you are treading - but I cannot believe you are not aware of this already.

[RheaSylvia]

I should add that I have a nearly teenaged son. I love him, I love spending time with him, I admire him, I love to see how he is growing and getting more handsome every day, I regard as precious any particular activities or times that we enjoy together, just the two of us, but I am not in love with him. And forecasting the future, I can imagine being upset if he announced his intention to spend the rest of his life with someone I didn't like or respect, but I'd feel the same about my sister if she made a similar announcement - but I'm not in love with her either!

[Bonsoir]

DP saw exW and DSS1 together on Friday. Apparently she couldn't keep her eyes of him and kept saying "Tu as vu comme il est beau et musclé?" ("Have you seen how handsome and muscly he is")

[RheaSylvia]

OK - but do you not think perhaps it was out of maternal pride, rather than maternal lust?