Help! 15 yrs old girlfriend sending explicit photos to DS!

(36 Posts)
friendlymum67 Tue 26-May-15 13:19:12

DS (16.5) and girlfriend been together nearly a year, discovered photos yesterday inadvertently when looking for his work rota. I'm not naive or a prude but am shocked and really unsure what I should say or do??

Any more experienced parents of teenagers that can advise or reassure me??

Blazing88 Tue 26-May-15 13:22:11

I know what I'd do.

I'd send her a text telling her she really ought to keep her face off explicit photographs in the future!

But that's me. Recalling a story my Dad told me. Back in the day. Some Cambridge students caught skinny dipping. Massive uproar. Photos in the press of the naked students - all covering their bits, apart from one girl who covered her face. How much brighter was she!

WorraLiberty Tue 26-May-15 13:23:20

You need to tell them both it's illegal.

I think there was a case recently where a 17yr old girl sent pics to her boyfriend. He was caught with them on his phone, the police charged him but decided not to charge her for some reason.

Even though she willingly sent them, she's under age so it came under child indecency laws.

WorraLiberty Tue 26-May-15 13:27:11

Link to story here

Basically she felt violated because what was intended to be personal pics for her boyfriend's eyes only, obviously got passed to many police officers who were dealing with the case.

friendlymum67 Tue 26-May-15 13:49:05

Thanks ladies, I am going to delete them and remind them both not to be so stupid!! Parenting should come with a health warning!! x

nequidnimis Tue 26-May-15 14:01:27

I'm sorry to say this but if she's sending photos to him, he is probably also sending photos to her.

I could not embarrass either of them by admitting that I'd seen these photos.

Instead I would use a story from the media, or a made up story about 'a friend' to remind DS that sending, receiving, looking at or saving such photos are illegal.

And then, for good measure, I'd remind him of all the times that we hear about private photos being made public when a relationship ends, and how it is incredibly stupid to have your face on such photos.

I think I'd do it in a lighthearted way, maybe on a car journey while he's a captive audience.

Blazing88 Tue 26-May-15 14:06:32

Oh I absolutely would let them know I'd seen them. That's the point! Teenagers are bloody stupid and think they're doing something in private but oh look, someone else found/saw them! Thankfully it was you. And not half of the college campus (or similar)

Exactly why they should know. But i do agree to do it in a lighthearted kind of way!

He is definitely sending pics to her too!

Just tell the pair of them to keep their bloody faces off unless they never want to get a job!

Electrolux Tue 26-May-15 14:10:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nequidnimis Tue 26-May-15 14:18:15

Oh you're probably right, I just couldn't look her in the eye after admitting I'd seen them!

Also won't he be very angry and defensive, and just change his password? Will he be more vulnerable, knowing that his gf still has photos of him?

I'm obviously a complete coward. I'd go down the 'someone at work was telling me that her DS....and so on...can you believe anyone would be so stupid?'

PandaNot Tue 26-May-15 14:23:38

It is illegal. They can be prosecuted for distributing child abuse images. I only know this because I've been to a recent conference about misuse of technology and one of the speakers was from Interpol and Scotland Yard talking about this very thing. Tell them both to stop it.

Blazing88 Tue 26-May-15 14:28:51

Oh I don't think I could actually do it face to face as such..more from a position of 'in the front of the car talking behind me' haha.

I'm just thinking of the time that my then bf's mum (I was 17) let me and BF know that she'd heard us have sex and we needed to tone it down. Oh. My. God. The shame.

It stopped us though!!

You think no one else is hearing/seeing anything you do at 17. And that was in the days of no technology etc.

I would imagine if it were 2015, she'd probably come right out with it. Right, so I've seen some pics on his computer (pointing at son) I really really didn't want to see. You two do know it's illegal and you could get in a serious shit load of trouble? Pack it in right now. OH and (point to gf) you look amazing, clearly in shape for that bikini this summer, but fgs, learn to leave your face off photos in future! I've deleted them off his computer, you can thank me later, I suggest GF you do the same at your end.

Ha. I can hear her doing it right now! And then she'd be all bright and breezy and back to her normal chirpy self!

nequidnimis Tue 26-May-15 14:55:17

What a great approach Blazing, wish I could be more like that.

Teens don't always care that something is illegal if they want to do it, think they'll never be found out and think that that particular law is daft anyway - but the 'dying of shame' approach would definitely hit a nerve!

Vivacia Tue 26-May-15 15:01:32

This isn't about embarrassing stories involving your boyfriend's parents. This is about sexual images of children.

Vivacia Tue 26-May-15 15:02:31

Sorry, storing and distributing sexual images of children.

friendlymum67 Tue 26-May-15 15:14:03

Nequidnimis - that thought crossed my mind too(!) but I couldn't find any he may have sent, that's not to say he hasn't, he may have just been savvy enough to delete them!! I think I am going to approach it the way you suggested, as realistically I just couldn't admit I'd seen them either.

Electrolux - someone further up the thread shared that link too!! Horrifying story but you can see, unfortunately, how it happens.

nequidnimis Tue 26-May-15 15:50:34

Good luck OP, hope you get it resolved x

Heyho111 Wed 27-May-15 17:08:29

It's only illegal if he uses them in revenge porn. By law it is seen as consensual underage sex.
I would also assume he is sending photos to her.
Your in a difficult situation as he will know you snooped. May be talk round the subject. Talk about porn revenge can be as simple as sharing or showing photos to others. Also explain about keeping head out of shots and any known birthmarks and tattoos.

textfan Wed 27-May-15 17:13:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nequidnimis Wed 27-May-15 17:36:54

Yes definitely illegal link

Although there seems to be some campaigning to get that changed according to this recent Guardian article.

friendlymum67 Thu 28-May-15 07:12:18

Well, I've spoken to him, hope l didn't make a complete hash of if! He assures me he's deleted them. I can't believe how stupid they were - he is adamant he didn't send any of him, it was just her sending them to him hmm

Just feel so disappointed by the whole thing, can't help but look at her differently either, she's 15 (16 in July), l really thought she was better than that, obviously not angry sad.

nequidnimis Thu 28-May-15 07:24:57

I'm glad he's deleted the photos, and that you've read them the riot act.

But don't think too badly of her. I doubt she sent them unsolicited and, since there's more than one photo, they must have been enthusiastically received for her to bother continuing.

AnyFucker Thu 28-May-15 07:45:31

I think you are very naive to think he didn't send any photos himself

and you "think differently" of the girl ? hmm

what a brazen hussy eh, corrupting your precious son

Penfold007 Thu 28-May-15 07:50:08

Your son has illegal images of an underage girl on his phone and you thought that she was better than that? What about your son's actions.

redshoeblueshoe Thu 28-May-15 08:00:42

It is illegal. Some one needs to talk to the girl. She can go on the sex offenders register for distributing child porn. Career over - before she's even left school.

whattodoforthebest2 Thu 28-May-15 08:02:04

You think differently of her now? Really?

They're in a relationship, these things happen now not like in the dark ages when I was a girl, but they need to be responsible and realise the damage it could do.

A friend of my DD sent nude pics of herself to a boy when she was 13, very naively of course. He distributed them around his school/facebook etc. She ended up moving schools completely and the whole thing had disastrous consequences for the family.

It's highly unlikely that he didn't send photos of himself. Google, FB and Instagram are excellent ways of searching and finding people.

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