Dd had a miscarriage.

(48 Posts)
ButMummmmmm Sun 16-Feb-14 18:31:18

My poor poor dd has had a miscarriage sad she is only 16, she had been bleeding with heavy cramps for two weeks straight a week after having sex with her bf, it wasn't a period we have already confirmed this, I'm so upset for her, she was on the pill but as she didn't start it at the start of her period it wasn't a contraceptive til the 7th day, she had sex on the 6th, she did use a condom but she said it split, I don't know what to say to her I can't imagine what she's going through, if anyone has any experience or advice I'd really appreciate it

Coconutty Sun 16-Feb-14 18:49:55

Has she seen a doctor?

ButMummmmmm Sun 16-Feb-14 18:55:21

Yes doctor told her no medical intervention is needed because it was only at 1-2 weeks and that it would just be a heavy period with a lot of cramping

PQ77 Sun 16-Feb-14 19:01:41

I'm sorry to hear what your dd is going through. From a practical point of view if the bleeding doesn't stop or she has any signs of infection (eg raised temp) it would be worth going back to the dr. In terms of other support the miscarriage association has some great leaflets www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/information/leaflets/
and a forum for support on their website.

Trifle Sun 16-Feb-14 19:05:13

I can't quite work out what you are upset about, the fact that she is no longer pregnant or that she is suffering. Surely it must be a relief that, at 16, she is not pregnant.

hickorychicken Sun 16-Feb-14 19:07:37

Trifle thats a little insensitive....

Bowlersarm Sun 16-Feb-14 19:09:14

Kind of with Trifle. Was she trying for a baby?

ButMummmmmm Sun 16-Feb-14 19:09:58

Doctor said bleeding should stop by tomorrow if not then we have to go back
Trifle I'm upset that she is suffering obviously I'm extremely relieved she isn't pregnant at 16 I just can't imagine going through such a traumatic event at that age.

ButMummmmmm Sun 16-Feb-14 19:11:24

bowlersarm no as far as I know she wasn't trying for a baby can't imagine her wanting one as she has little interest in children

As some one who had an accidental pregnancy (failed contraception and MAP) but then went into miscarriage, the people saying it's a relief are really unpleasant, ok 16 isn't the best age to be pregnant but a miscarriage at any age is devastating ffs. angry

I had a dr tell me I was a 'lucky girl' and that 'nature had bailed me out' stupid, rude woman!

I'm sorry your DD is going through this OP, please support her well.

bakingtins Sun 16-Feb-14 19:19:48

Sorry to hear that. Whether or not the pregnancy was planned or wanted, it's a horrible thing to go through. There's a MC support board in the body and soul section if she wants to chat to others who've been through it, I expect she'll feel very isolated as her friends are unlikely to have any experience. Word of warning though, it's a very common reaction to losing any pregnancy to be desperate to conceive again to 'put things right' so you need to be in there talking to her about why that's not great at 16 and getting reliable contraception sorted.

ValentinesMassacred Sun 16-Feb-14 19:22:29

I'm with Trifle too, she's 16 and didn't know she was pregnant yet? I would be more concerned she didn't follow instructions for contraception correctly.

KingR0llo Sun 16-Feb-14 19:26:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumEEEEK Sun 16-Feb-14 19:26:20

Trifle That's very insensitive... I have a couple of friends, one of whom had a miscarriage and another who had an abortion, both at 16, and neither of them saw it as a 'relief that they weren't pregnant anymore', and neither of them had been trying. I had a miscarriage at 18, again, not trying, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

It's still a loss and it's still bloody painful, emotionally and physically, whatever age you are when it happens.

OP from personal experience, looking after myself helped. Hot chocolate, crap films and a hot water bottle got me through the immediate first couple of weeks. Don't downplay it because of her age or treat it as a relief - even if that's what you feel, and what she possibly feels, there will more than likely be intense guilt at feeling that way. Keep an eye on her; my feelings of guilt came out in horrendous nightmares and sleep deprivation.

I only started to feel emotionally any better at all after the bleeding stopped - while I was still bleeding, I was still constantly being reminded of it. Wait until a while after the bleeding has stopped and she seems more settled to talk (if you're planning on it) about contraception or the possibility of a 'next time' - right now she needs to deal with what has just happened.

The most important advice is to be there for her. I didn't tell anyone for weeks, by which time I'd tried to 'handle it' myself - and failed. If I'd had people there for me (I was living away at uni and didn't tell any of my friends either), I'd probably have been able to cope much better - as it was, it has and is still massively impacting my life - I got pregnant again within seven months when I'm really not ready, because of various reasons - needing to prove to myself that it was a fluke and wasn't my body's fault, a sense of 'replacing' what I'd lost, etc.

Miscarriage has a deep emotional effect on women of all ages, and I just want you to be aware that even though now she wasn't planning on children soon/showed no interest/maybe even seems relieved, keep an eye on her and make sure she knows you're there if she needs you. She may deal with it remarkably well - it's just best to be on the safe side.

Owllady Sun 16-Feb-14 19:27:03

Have some of you got no empathy or something? If it were my daughter I would be concerned she was scared and frightened and in pain and would want to ease that
I hope she is okay op

InternetFOREVER Sun 16-Feb-14 19:28:16

So sorry she's going through this. Do you think she needs a second opinion though other than GP? One week after sex an embryo would barely have implanted, so you wouldn't expect any thickening of the womb yet... two weeks of heavy bleeding doesn't add up at all. Could she have been pregnant before she went on the pill?

She didn't know she was pregnant until she started bleeding
She wasn't planning to be pregnant
She's a couple if weeks at most
I'm sorry but I don't see this is a terrible ordeal. I hope she isn't too uncomfortable. Maybe I'm a bitch <shrug>

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Sun 16-Feb-14 19:33:01

How do they know she was pregnant? Is it not just a period / bleed after first time sex?

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Sun 16-Feb-14 19:36:49

I hope she is okay but I definitely think she needs to see a nurse to sort out she understands when to take the pill and what to do when a condom splits.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 16-Feb-14 19:38:40

Has she had a scan or a positive pregnancy test?

Just be aware that although she's shown no interest in babies previously hormones and a miscarriage can do funny things. I had two friends when I was at school who this happened to and both purposefully got pregnant very soon after the miscarriage.

diddlediddledumpling Sun 16-Feb-14 19:41:22

A miscarriage is a hideous experience, whether you want to be pregnant or not. While she may come to be relieved, that's irrelevant now. Some very insensitive posters here.

Just give tlc, and make sure she looks after herself. Sorry she's going through this.

insancerre Sun 16-Feb-14 19:44:09

hope she feels better soon
I can emphasise with how you feel
did had a termination at 14 and it was the most traumatic experience we have gone through together
but we did get through itthanks thanks

sugarandspite Sun 16-Feb-14 19:45:02

OP if it is as you describe an early MC, please be aware that along with a possible hormonal drive to get pregnant soon after, a lot of women also find that they have a real fertility increase in the couple of cycles post MC. In fact, plenty of women on the MC board have made the most of this to conceive their next pregnancy.

ButMummmmmm Sun 16-Feb-14 19:45:20

Bobpatsam it wasnt the first time she's had sex, she started bleeding a week after having sex with her boyfriend when she wasn't due a period according to her pill so that's when her concerns first arose, I only found out yesterday after she had been to the doctor to confirm it and told me, her bf and his parents knew, she said she took her pill everyday at 12:30 following the instructions the nurse had given her

I know it may of only been a couple of weeks but she said she feels as if it's her fault it happened that maybe se could of done something to prevent it, i keep telling her it isn't and I'm trying to support her as much as I can, she said sometimes the cramps were so bad she couldn't put her pyjamas on,she thought it was just irregular bleedin due to starting the pill but went to the doctor and doctor confirmed it had been a miscarriage, doctor also said a lot of women have miscarriages in the first one or two weeks but don't realise as no pregnancy test has been done so just assume it's a heavy/late period

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumEEEEK Sun 16-Feb-14 19:47:39

Your poor DD sad I know it goes without saying (and you're already doing it) but keep emphasizing that it wasn't her fault and she has nothing to feel guilty about, there really isn't anything she could've done.

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