Your Teen wins....

(156 Posts)
TopsyRK Mon 28-Jan-13 17:04:32

Your teen wins as soon as you raise your voice, they are looking for conflict.

Your rules should always be...

Ask first
Tell second
Punish third

Ask them to do something, if no reaction, then tell them, if no reaction punish them, never raise your voice or argue with them as you are the parent.

Trust me not easy but it works

Chris

cory Wed 30-Jan-13 15:40:34

Thanks, Hully and Lynette and TooMuchTea for support and sympathy thanks

We are getting support, we are picking ourselves up again. The anti-depressants are helping (and apparently you can take 16 times the dose and survive confused).

But I know very well that I am not the only poster on the teenage forum who has problems way beyond what Chris' facile approach can solve.

cory we are currently waiting for a CAHMS appointment for dd. I hope things progress well with you and you come out the other side.

chris clearly you never will get it. Ever. You don't see that there's a massive difference between offering advice relevant to a particular situation and starting a thread advising us to parent your way.

Good luck. Seriously.

Chris I understand what you were trying to do in your opening post, and I get that you just wanted to tell everyone about your method and were hoping to help.

And I have no doubt that, for a mildly stroppy teenager, your method would work. As would many other methods.

But you can't just turn up here and give us all your wisdom, you really can't. You didn't ask for a debate or a conversation, you just told us what to do. Can you not see that hackles would be raised immediately? Have you heard of the term Mansplaining?

And, there are lots of people in this section with terrible anxieties about their teens - way beyond taking away their xbox because there was a stand-off over homework, and those people, me included, know very well that their child is looking for conflict (thanks very much).

If you want to stick around, hunker down, have a look around, get feel of the place and, if you really have experience with difficult teens, you might become a useful poster. Only don't lecture or presume, because, unlike real life where others might nod politely and ignore , on here you will be told to back off.

Maryz Cote D'Ivoire Wed 30-Jan-13 17:59:57

The difficulty Chris (trying to be nice here) is that some of us are dealing with practically impossibly sad situations with our teenagers. And it is difficult to listen to people - and we seem to get a fair few of them on this board - who swan in and say "teenagers are lovely, if yours isn't then you have really screwed up".

We know we have screwed up sad. Unfortunately we are not quite sure where, or how, or why it all went wrong. We are just trying to cope with where we are now.

This is a nice, supportive board 90% of the time grin. The remaining 10% of the time we all gang and frighten away those who say "why don't you ground him?" or "I wouldn't put up with that" or "you reap what you sow" - a particular favourite hmm of mine which I hear a lot in real life.

Today I told ds2 quietly and calmly that I didn't want to be a mother any more, that I was crap at it and was quitting. I then calmly and quietly locked myself into my room and burst into tears.

tattoosarenotallowed Wed 30-Jan-13 18:10:59

What The Actual Fuck?

flow4 Wed 30-Jan-13 21:46:21

I've tried to quit too Maryz, but although I am officially The Worst Mother In The World, neither of my kids will accept my resignation. confused hmm
Sorry you had a bad day. Hope your cry helped. smile >HUG<

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