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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Do you think DD is smoking weed or am i totally over anxious?

56 replies

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 00:46

Ok im a fairly open minded mother of 4 ages 18 15 7 and 6 mths.<br /> <br /> For a while now dd has had an issue with her hygiene-nothing new just more noticeable as shes bigger now .

Ive tried everything from ignoring it to running her a bath daily . I washed her clothes and not washed her clothes . Ive bought everything. Ive been nice and ive been at the end of my teather and been rude !
Anyway Christmas time the smell was awful.
Id been in her room several times searching for the CULPRIT-found dirty pants and the odd mouldy fruit-but not the dead rat i expected !<br /> I was forever going in their and saying @what IS the smell ? "<br /> <br /> One day i pin pointed it-your burning your hair ! I hid her straighters because the smell was awful.<br /> Christmas time it improved-no college-daily baths and no hair straighteners.<br /> First day back at college last week-she walked thro the door and staight away i was alerted to the familiar smell !<br /> Over christmas id pretty much washed her entire wardrobe due to the lingering smell of what i thought to be clothes being put back in after wearing on unwashed teenage body ! So really had had 3 weeks of decreasing smell.
She sat opposite me and the smell was intense.
I asked her to put all her clothes in the wash bin and ran her a bubble bath.

I smelled her clothes while she was in the bath as they were clean on that morning and she had has a shower before college-they smelled ok ! It was just her.

Was then seriously worried that maybe she has some sort of disorder ?

She has other signs which could actually all be explained but mostly binge eating on chocolate, mood swings, secretivenessacne, blood shot eyes (wears tons of make up ).
It suddenly dawned on me last night that this smell cant be burnt hair now and cant be normal body odour-it only seems to be there when she attends college and lingers for days.
I will keep a private diary before i question her as she goes to 6th form but attends a college 2 days a week for another cpourse which is were its going on if it is at all ?
Help?

OP posts:

Report

Spidermama · 09/01/2011 00:59

Could it be cigarettes? They smell worse than weed imo.

Can you ask her outright? I'm sure you know it's very common so I don't think you are being paranoid.

If you would prefer a less direct approach, could you engineer a chat with her and bring it round to the subject of weed smoking?

There was a programme on BBC3 the other night about teenagers smoking it. Perhaps you could get her to watch it on iPlayer.

LovePinkBitsOfMyHorse · 09/01/2011 00:59

have you asked her if she is smoking weed?

LovePinkBitsOfMyHorse · 09/01/2011 01:00

x post

coldtits · 09/01/2011 01:03

yeah, she's smoking weed.

CottageFrog · 09/01/2011 01:04

It could be the sort of cannabis known as skunk. It has a very distinctive smell - that and the blood shot eyes sounds like it to me. My son had a phase of hanging out with a crowd who all smoked it, and I actually threw him out of the house one night when he came back mashed up to the eyeballs. I knew he had been smoking it due to the smell. It could be on her hands/hair. Perhaps you should call a drugs helpline, for families of users? With my lad, he got out of the habit without my intervention, and is now hardworking and very sensible. I'm sure someone will be along shortly with more advice.

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 01:07

Hi
Its not cigarrettes def-i am an exsmoker so know this smell.

It smell like she hasnt washed her hair for weeks and then put an iron on it and singed it !
No i havent asked her-she tells lies a lot and would not give me a truthful answer .
Its a shame because the one thing i have brought them all up to do is please tell the truth aqnd i wont go off on one etc ! She def wouldnt tell me she tells us black is white so many times i used to actually question myself on things that just couldnt be !

Shes been a joy to be around today.
Maybe shes just stressed and its a stress response when shes at college ? Sweating or something ?

OP posts:

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 01:07

sounds like weed. and sounds like a lot!

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 01:08

I think i just sort of KNOW - you know that when something just clicks as a mum and you think OMG

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LovePinkBitsOfMyHorse · 09/01/2011 01:09

what do you want to do about it if she is smoking it? give her information? ask/tell her to stop?

hobbgoblin · 09/01/2011 01:09

How would you feel if it was weed? You perhaps should start thinking about that in preparation. Bloodshot eyes is a bit of a clue, esp. if they are periodically blood shot.

Does she get the munchies? Act silly or lethargic?

You need FRANK I think.

Lots of teenagers go through this phase. I know that doesn't make it okay exactly but it does mean she is only doing what her peers are doing rather than going completely off the rails...unless she is doing it A LOT.

hobbgoblin · 09/01/2011 01:11

And if she is doing it a lot, then WHY? And why does she lie to you. I think the harsh reality may be your relatonship needs some work whether it's weed or hair straighteners at play here.

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 01:11

Iloveitwhenyoucallmeboo --- why do you think it sounds like a lot.
She was lovely for 3 weeks over christmas when no school.
This distinctive smell started about 3 months ago.
Is there a test ??

OP posts:

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 01:14

because the smell is so strong and it has taken over her room and wardrobe. my EX smoked weed and i couldn't tell except for his eyes and if i kissed him i could taste it off him, but i could never smell it off his clothes and he was doing it daily.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 01:15

i think you can do a hair strand test, not sure though. just ask her. you will know if she is lying.

Spidermama · 09/01/2011 01:15

I would tell her all you can about weed.

I would want to warn her off skunk but tell her if she MUST do it the less strong stuff is better and safer.

Skunk can be really nasty. A friend of mine has terrible emphisema (sp) because he smoked skunk which had been sprayed with ground glass. They do this to make it heavier and therefore more expensive. It just looks like the sap oozing. I really feel teenagers should be informed about this as it's not very well known about and the results are truly nasty. My friend will never get better. He can barely walk up a hill now.

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 01:19

I honestly dont know why she lies-ive a massive prob with my mother who is obsessed with her and has undermined me in every way for 18 years big time-and actively encouraged my daughter to lie to me-it was stopped by me too late but at least ive put a stop to it-when i found she was doing all her coursework for her ! I cant change that now but i have stopped it and it wont happen with my other dc.

I dont want to ask her unless i have hard evidence.
She`s studying for her a levels and keen for Uni in Sept.
Maybe she would tell me ?
I obviuosly dont know her very well.
Am sad.
Shes very immature and prob susseptible to peer pressure more than most .

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ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 01:21

i agree with spidermama.

hobbgoblin · 09/01/2011 01:27

Don't beat yourself up, but don't give up either. Have you told her your regrets about the thing with your own mother. Maybe your DD would appreciate your honesty. Maybe she would feel her feelings could be validated in this way and some trust could be built up?

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 01:39

Thank you.
Yes ill talk to her about my mum.<br /> Im genuinly scared - sounds awful but part of me wants to go and hide myself. Its horrible.
Well its all recent so ill wait and see what Monday brings and meet her off the bus instead of letting her walk-the smell if im right will be back and ill have to talk to her.<br /> What would i do ?<br /> Im open minded but also very very anti anything like this.
I do not and will never condomne it in .my house, esp with dc 6 mths and 7 yrs.
I almost expect my girls to smoke weed nowadays - at Uni , occassionally and with some responsibility on the occassional weekend-then back to it.
I do not condone it in my house during the week in secret and esp if this is the reason she has become uncommunivative and absolutely foul mouthed in front of us all recently.
I will give her all the information and to be honest frighten her hopefully because she IS very nieve. I wont shout and scream (deep breath ) thats already happening in my head.
I will take my time and try and do something properly and help her.

OP posts:

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 01:40

sorry about all sp mistakes didnt read it first x

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kayah · 09/01/2011 01:59

I got interested and did some search.
Maybe your daughter goes to a place where someone is experimenting, trying to produce drugs?

www.uk420.com/boards/index.php?showtopic=122715&st=200

I have no way to find more than that, but when you think about it
to get such lingering smell in her clothes she must be sitting in a room full of fumes
maybe not taking the drug, but just passing her time there...

just a suggestion

HollyTwat · 09/01/2011 02:09

My brother smOkes weed and over Xmas he rolled quite a few to smOke outside. The smell of it was so strong my father commented each time. Even before he lit it. It's a sweet smell.
I'm a smOker and even smoked weed many years ago but the stuff that's about these days is very strong.

It makes you paranoid, lethargic and uncommunicative.
I'm not sure how you get her to stop though. My brother is 47 and is still doing it.

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 02:21

But it is after all illegal ?
Why do so many people smoke this as if its completely acceptable ?
I think im totally ignorant and need to get better informed anyway regardless with 4 x dc.<br /> Ive found a website selling at home urine test kit so at least i can ask her and if she says no ask her to do the test ?

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fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 02:24

On the plus side she is never anywhere for long enough i dont think to do much ?
Nothing will be happening at 6th form i`m sure.
At college she goes in a school taxi for a 2 hour lesson twice a week and prob has at most a spare hour .
She works 2 nights at local shop with lovely boss serving food.
Works sat.
Never or rarely goes out as always revising or has her friend over and revise together. Happily goes out with us as her and her bf (boy ) arent into drinking parties etc prefer to go out with us !

OP posts:

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 02:26

She never goes out walking on her own or asks to.
She goes to school out of county so knows noone her age in local area.
Shes either at home work or in school-if she isnt in school for any reason her friend always texts me asking where she is .

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