am amazed by this woman, rare breed

[jonesy71]

This story has amazed me...

I have recently met again with an old friend after many years, she now has a son 6 and a daughter 2. She is married to a man she had an affair with when he was married to his first wife, who he has 3 girls with 10, 12 & 13.

The first wife was told about the affair by her then husband because during the affair my friend fell pregnant. After a bit of to and fro he decided to leave his first wife for my friend to bring up their son together.

The first wife then arranged to meet my friend to talk and get to know her before the older girls started to have access visits with their Dad, - she obviously was angry and upset but kept focused on the bigger picture, i.e. her daughters being happy visiting their dad and the 'other woman'.

not only this but the son started to have visits at first wife's home with his step-sisters and she even looked after him when they went on their honeymoon!!

She had the boy stay when they were in hospital having the daughter too!!

now it's a regular thing, my friend's boy and baby girl stay with her whenever they want to get away just the two of them.

i'm just gobsmacked by it all really, how she managed to get past how angry she must have felt having her husband, her daughters' dad just snatched away from her, ...my friend says, 'yes we have been really lucky, she's been ridiculously reasonable about it all'

i mean

[sallysunflower]

Wow you couldn't write it any better than this, very different from my DP / Ex / step situation.

Sad though that after 36 hrs since posting and 1500 or so other posts in this and other topics no-one is else interested in hearing something so positive.

I say good on the ex wife, she must be really something.

[Northernlurker]

People can be amazing. This situation is clearly so much better for all concerned. Obviously the husband is a very fortunate man and the first wife was wise enough to see how destructive anger and jealousy can be - so she chose another path. Good for her!

[Fuzzywood]

My MIL is the same, 2 grown up ish children when FIL left for the ow who was pg. They now have 3 kids and at Christmas and stuff all get together presents for birthdays etc. To be honest I don't know how they can do it but fair play to them for putting their anger aside and making things easy for their kids. I have nothing but respect for them.

[sallysunflower]

ok i sit corrected, glad to know it's not just me who's warmed by the marvel of this lady, maybe the ex in my situ should read this and change her ways, forever the optimist me.

[foureleven]

I have to say Im like this.. I wouldnt have their child while they were on honeywoon but I am jealousy free when it comes to ex and his new lady. I detest him though so it helps ha ha I mostly just feel sorry for her.

sallysunflower... its usual for a post in stepparenting to go unanswered for ages.. hardly anyone posts on here sadly. I wish they did as step parents need more support than anyone, its flippin hard work!

[SFC80]

The wife sounds like a rare, lovely person. I am a step-Mum to a child conceived through an affair, so similar circumstances just that my husband didn't leave me and I chose to stay in my marriage.

My step daughter is treated just like our other children when she's here.

[SFC80]

It goes to show that step situations can be amicable and friendly even in the hardest of circumstances. It's sad that so many aren't.

[foureleven]

wow SFC80!

[sallysunflower]

I agree, I also wish they could post on here without fear of getting judged and and criticised by other MNrs.

It seems to me one can say what you like about your own children and they will aaww and [hug] no end, but utter feelings of irritation about a step child and it's no-one's fault but your own...

[foureleven]

haha dont worry ill cover you...

[ib]

I think it's great. I come from a seriously blended family where there are no hard feelings and consider myself lucky to have a huge range of siblings - full, step, half and whatever you would call the children of my ex step dad's current wife, all of whom I get along really well with.

[foureleven]

Oh bollocks, crap covering... I bumped your post!

[Tryingnottoswear]

Probably wrong here, but just a thought - could she be on anti-depressants? I know my husband was suddenly able to "forgive" his ex-wife and get on with her and her partner (who she had the affair with) reasonably well. The timing conincided with when the doctor said the anti-depressants he was prescribed would kick in... Just a coincidence?

[addictedisalmosthalfway]

jonsey that sounds very similar to a family i know, although there are more children and the ages of the yongest and oldest of each family intertwine. the two mothers have become very good friends after having contact 'for the sake of the children' and now even live next door to each other. i'm really not sure i could ever be that civil to woman who was having an afair with my dh

[jonesy71]

These replies are great, definitely a feel good factor to see that it's not entirely unique and there are some of them out there. Not that i would ever want to be in this position but I would aspire to be like this lady & some of those mentioned in the posts, - when i'm eventually a grown up .

[sallysunflower]

love it foureleven you make me

[onadietcokebreak]

Lovely story. Excellent example of forgiveness and communcication for the children to grow up seeing.

[ChocolatePants]

The wife sounds like my sister- she is a lovely person, but god do people take advantage.. sometimes, or I feel they do...HOWEVER, she has impeccable reasoning and behaviour, perhaps some people are just fantastic?

For instance, in a certain situation, I felt her DP was REALLY taking the piss-big time- but she justified her actions, which should at the end of the day be viewed from her own pov.

Me? I am not perfect and would not be able to act like my sis...but she is a far better person than me. Some people just do it.

[jonesy71]

wind your neck in mumbles, this is a positive thread, go spread your sinical gloom elsewhere

[grapeandlemon]

Poor woman, I suspect she is going to have a huge emotional breakdown at some point.

[OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper]

So the girls were - what - 3, 5 and 8 when your friend got pregnant?

To me, that's the breathtaking thing about this story - a man can mess about with an OW when he has three tiny children at home, and the OW joins in in full knowledge.

I know it's all too common but it's still hideous and, IMO, should be unthinkable.