I can't understand this..

[mumtobealloveragain]

Not a question as such, just needed to get this out of my system really.

DP and ex have a shared residency order, 50:50 residency and alternate Christmas'. Last year in "his" Christmas we collected them Xmas Eve morning and they stayed til Boxing Day evening.

This year it's "her" Christmas as per the order. So he text her last week asking to make arrangements for times/days over Xmas to pick up and drop off as it's outside the normal pattern. We were pretty upset the DSC wouldn't be here for Xmas of course , they are still young so it's all very magical for them still, they are firm Santa believers, ridiculously excited etc. plus it's our baby's first Christmas so it would have been great to all be together. However we had accepted it was her turn to have them & that was that.

Anyway, DP asked for what she would like to do and she replied she'd like to collect them late morning Xmas day and them come back to us Boxing Day morning. DP replied to check we hadn't misunderstood/typo and she confirmed it was correct. She said it seemed "pointless" then coming to her Xmas Eve as she will be out in town meeting friends during the day and therefore wouldn't be able to collect them til the evening and on Boxing Day she was visiting family.

I just don't understand it . The best bit is Xmas Eve and Xmas Day morning but she's perfectly happy not to see then then. I know other people see things differently and obviously DP won't say anything to her as we are very happy that they will be with us for the important bits, but I find it's a little bit sad that she isn't isn't fussed. I can't imagine Xmas Eve without my children, this is the 3rd year running (by choice) she hasn't had them: no leaving mince pies for Santa, no putting pressies under the tree, no Xmas Eve cheesy family film, no seeing their excitement and them not being able to sleep, then running downstairs Xmas morning, stockings etc.

As I said, not going to say anything to anyone about it in RL but between me and you and as a mum myself, I just can't get my head around it.

[mrssmith79]

It is sad, yes. Says a lot really but at least you and your oh get that precious time instead enabling you to make it magical. I'd drop the subject but only after I'd made sure that she knows that it's not a precedent and that you'll be having them for the full duration next year regardless of the fact that she's having them for barely 24hrs this year.

[ChippingInLovesChristmasLights]

It is sad - I don't understand it either.

Lucky you though

I just typed out a bit of a rant about my cousin who never gets to see his children at Christmas, but deleted it in case his lovely new wife is on MN and because it's not that relevant really

I am pleased you will all be together for Christmas and that the kids have you and their Dad.

[mumtobealloveragain]

Good point Mrs Smith- isn't it awful to always have to think of possible issues arising so far in advance!

I just mentioned that to DP and he said he'd already thought of it at the time and had replied to her just confirming that he would like the full Xmas period next year despite her choosing not to this year, and she was fine with that.

[mrssmith79]

I'm a stepmum myself, DSD almost 21 now, suppose it's made me a bit of a cynic over the years. Have a magical Christmas OP and family x

[elliebellys]

The thing is not everyone shares the sentiment of xmas.doesnt mean theyre horrible.other traditions might mean more.

[mumtobealloveragain]

Oh I agree Elliesbellies, I wasn't saying it made her a horrible person in general.

She does celebrate Christmas though and it's a big deal to her and her family. She decorates her place in a BIG way, her family have a huge party every Boxing Day (hence why she wants to drop them back here Boxing Day morning) and her reason for not having them Xmas Eve is she is meeting friends for Xmas shopping and drinks.

It's not sad that someone doesn't celebrate Xmas, but it's very sad
(IMO) that someone who very much does celebrate Xmas just doesn't want to celebrate it/spend it with their children. To me (and most parents I know) Christmas is all about the children!

[SatinSandals]

I would call it sad, but lucky for you.

[mumtobealloveragain]

Oh yeah lucky for us definitely! That's why DP would never complain about things like this as the less she is bothered the better it is for us.

[purpleroses]

I'm like you and can't imagine not wanting to wake up on Christmas morning without DCs. But both my ex and DP's ex aren't bothered about having their kids at Christmas so we get the lot Count your blessings

I guess it's also maybe that your DP's ex is single. I did used to find Christmas morning and stockings hard when I was on my own with DCs. You're acutely aware that everyone else is with their partners/families it's not an easy time to be on your own with DCs. So she may just find it easier to let them enjoy Christmas morning with their dad and family and to go out with other single friends.

[FrauMoose]

I used to like doing Christmas on a day that wasn't the 25th. This is what would happen on the years when my stepchildren were with their mother and grandmother. To me there was something special about cooking a big and delicious meal and opening presents - but knowing that for some other people it was just an ordinary day. The meal was never turkey, because my stepchildren would have had that elsewhere.

Now when my stepchildren are older and elsewhere, we'll still have those non-25th celebratory meals. Spouse, daughter and I have developed our own tradition of having a vegetarian Xmas lunch - as a sort of reaction to the more typical roast meat fest. We usually eat a spinach, feta and filo pie (spanokopita.)

[Kaluki]

It is hard when you are single but I think it would be a damn sight harder without the dc with you.
I always found Christmas the hardest time to be without my dc and I have always seen them for Christmas morning.
It works out well for you though so enjoy your Christmas!