Run-in with SENCo - just about calmed down now

[Chocol8]

As you know from my previous thread about bullying and Ritalin, I arranged a meeting with SENCo and my ds's class teacher tonight. I also invited Parent in Partnership which I didn't want to mention to them as he used to be the SENCo's colleague. I was told (eventually) that the Head would not be attending as this wasn't how things are done).

The meeting started off badly due to a long "conversation" I had with the SENCo on Friday in which she said that there was no record of the Aspergers dx on my ds's file. I was livid - to put it mildly, but was ready for a fight today. Pretty much, that's what I got.

She didn't acknowledge me at all upon meeting - not even a hello, and only made conversation with her ex colleague. Then we all sat down (in ds's classroom on little chairs - no office available apparently) and she looked at me and said "well?".

With the help of PiP earlier I had written an agenda and took with me all the paperwork I could possible need for the meeting. It lasted an hour and during that time, the PiP only spoke once. The SENCo was, in my opinion out to score points and made it known that she did not like me. She was cold and totally up herself - obviously she was the expert on Aspergers, not me - I put her right on that one though!

There were several instances where she was extremely condescending but the two most unbelieveable ones were 1. she said that she would not let me look in ds's file. She clutched it to her and wouldn't let it go and said that I couldn't see the IEPs. The last one I had sight of was from Jan 03, nearly 2 years ago. I was not involved in the process which I understand should happen. There were 5 previous copies of IEPs and I asked to look at them. She refused quite a few times point blank and I stood up to her and said it was my right to and eventually she said that they would make copies of them and post them to me tomorrow! GRRRRRRRrrrr! The woman is obviously stupid! I eventually after a lot of arguing and staring at her, got copies of them.

2. She said when the copies were being made that she thought it very impolite and discourteous of me not have mentioned inviting PiP. I apologised and said that after the meeting on Friday and being spoken over for virtually all of the 20 minute conversation, I was not willing to share that information with her, and also I was aware that the PiP representative was an ex colleague.

I left the school with PiP and he said that I had done very well in standing up to her and making my points and personality aside, how did I think I had done? I raised my hand to show him how it was shaking - I got home and cried - alot.

I am going to write a letter of complaint, which will have everything in, and if this is not dealt with in a satisfactory way, will take it to the Governors. I am still very mad and not sure if this is clouding my judgement, but should I have been treated like this or was this out of order?

[marthamoo]

Chocol8 - they are really not trying to meet you half way are they? They have been dreadful so far and it sounds like the meeting with the Senco was the final straw. I would definitely write a letter of complaint to the Governors - detailing everything you have been unhappy with. Tbh, though, I'm wondering if this is the right school for your ds (and you). How hard would it be to move him?

I'm sorry you are still going through this sh*t. How has ds been at school this week?

[pixiefish]

poor you chocol8. have limited experience of sen and not a senco but it sounds as if the meeting went really badly... fwiw- i thought that parents had to agree the targets on the iep... maybe i'm wrong... hope you get it sorted- sorry i can't be constructive- hope someone else can

[Chocol8]

Actually last Thursday and Friday he was fine at school Marthamoo! Hoorah. The idea was that having spoken to his consultant last week, I would try increasing his doseage of Ritalin either mid morning or with his lunch time tablet.

I watched him closely and we had a lovely weekend together with no real issues or excessive hyperactivity, so I did not need to trial the increase.

SENCo asked me about this - sorry quizzed me - and said that I should increase his tablets. I explained in the end that where previously she had made a blanket statement that there were no resources to supply classroom support 1-2-1 style - that I was making a similar statement that I would NOT increase his doseage unless I thought it necessary. I certainly was not going to increase it just to make her life easier. She didn't like that much, but I explained my ds's long term health was more important than her budget.

You are right Pixiefish that I should have been involved with his IEPs but of course they cannot answer this as they (SENCo, Head and his teacher) have only been there for 6 weeks, so not of their doing.

I am not sure of the option of moving him as I do not know what other schools are available in this area, but will get this information tomorrow. IPSEA were very helpful when I called them last night and she gave me a few pointers, so thanks to that little gem on my last thread. Also they'r open during the day and then from 7-9pm which is great for working parents!

[lou33]

There is absolutely no way you should have been treated like that. Thw woman sounds like she needs to be put out to pasture. I would be inclined to complain to as many people as possible about her, I don't know if that is something you feel like battling?

[Yorkiegirl]

Message withdrawn

[Jimjams]

I've just been given the latest IEP and asked to sign if in agreement (which I'm not! oh dear!). You should definitely see te IEP's. This sounds like dreadful behaviour- no idea what the data protection act says but surely you must be allowed to see your child's school file even if they are allowed a certain number of days to hand it over???

You definitely need to complain. What are your long term plans- do you wantyour son to remain in the school if they are going to be so unhelpful?

[coppertop]

You should definitely have been given copies of the IEP. On ds1's IEP's there's a space specifically for the parent's signature. Really you should also have been invited to discuss the targets as they were being set.

AFAIK parents are allowed to see their child's file. You might have to pay if you wanted copies of it but I think it is your right to see it.

on your behalf.

[Twiglett]

I'd just like to say Congratulations for holding your own and standing up to her .. she sounds like she needs to be removed from her position TBH

sorry you're going through this .. but I'm impressed by how well you are handling your end of it .. good on you .. keep on fighting

(try and make sure the letter of complaint is factual and unemotional BTW)

[coppertop]

I knew I'd seen it somewhere. Parents have the right to request to see their child's school records. This request must be granted within 15 days (15 working days I would imagine). The only way they can refuse is if it wouldn't be in the child's best interests. You can also request a copy of it but you would usually need to pay for the photocopying. There's a maximum amount they can charge for this, depending on the number of pages.

[mrsforgetful]

Oh my GOD!

1. You are DEFINITELY allowed to have the file....as CT said...put it in writing...i'm sure there is a template on IPSEA...i will look around the WWW>land later incase you cant..and include in the letter 'how you want to recieve the file'...ie- by hand/post....an doffer to ontribute to costs...they are NOT allowed to charge ADMIN but can ask for photocopying costs etc.
   
2. The PiP sounds USELESS...they are supposed to be supportive and to have only spoken once...sounds like a 'conflict ' of intersts here due to the friendship. (only thing the SENCO may insist next time is that they are told if you are bringing in a 'helper'...this is something i was told by the LEA was correct....as even when i wanted to get Tom re-observed by the Autism Outreach Team...i was told that i had to get preferably an invite from the Head or a worst her consent...I didn't bother...we moved schools instead!!!!)
   Can anyone else 'enlighten' on this issue.
   
   3)IEP's.......AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!
   These are initially drafted by the school - the parent is INVITED to inspect and CONTRIBUTE and then either sign the FINAL copy OR as JJ said.....it goes back for further ADJUSTMENTS etc.....What is happening to you is EXACTLY what we had at the old school...... at this new school i have already this TERM signed 1 IEP (for ALex WHO IS ONLY ON School Action!) and the others are being drafted now.....then 6 months later i will 'with no prompting by me' get an appointment to go to a meeting with teacher/senco to review and sign a new IEP......as far as i know the LEA inspect all IEP's and therefore if the school are not playing ball write direct to the LEA...
   
   Finally....be prepared for MORE dissapointment whenyou get the File/IEP's...as in our case the file was PATHETIC.......and the IEP's even worse....as a parent you are so thorough with details and if the school is crap the files are too!
   
   Sorry i am so depressing on this....but i cannot tell you how angry i am at how you are being treated.
   
   Yes.....changing schools may not be a solution....and it brings it's own challenges too.....but IF like ME you have reached the point whrer you have NO TRUST left ...then there is MORE to GAIN by looking at a new school.
   
   Tom as you know was not being given the verbal prompts he needs to remember to eat etc at school....so he lost over a stone in weight.....his concentration was further affected and i felt retched that i was sending him into a place were he was being neglected..Education Welfare contacted the school (you could try that too!) and no real effort was made....so after moving schools the result ON THIS SINGLE PROBLEM ALONE is that TOM ALWAYS GOES TO FIRTS SITTING FOR LUNCH (ROUTINE) ALWAYS SITS AT THE SAME TABLE(ROUTINE) A DINNER LADY ASKS HIM TO GO TO CHOOSE HIS LUNCH AT THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE (SO HE ALWAYS GETS TO CHOOSE THE FOOD HE LIKES/SAW ON THE MENU ETC...so I KNOW he gets a meal he will eat)....AND..... the result is he has gained nearly 2 stone since APRIL......and doesn't FEAR lunchtimes!
   
   Go FOR it CHOCCY!!!
   
   WE ARE HERE!!!

[coppertop]

Quick hijack here but blimey, MrsF! He lost a whole stone in weight? That's a heck of a lot for a 10yr-old!

[dinosaur]

Sorry you are having to go through all this Chocol8. The SENCo sounds appalling.

We got DS1's draft IEP at parents'evening last night and boy is it a load of crap. His teacher this year just doesn't seem to "get it" - so different from the great teacher he had last year in Reception

[dinosaur]

Sorry you are having to go through all this Chocol8. The SENCo sounds appalling.

We got DS1's draft IEP at parents'evening last night and boy is it a load of crap. His teacher this year just doesn't seem to "get it" - so different from the great teacher he had last year in Reception

[Chocol8]

Thank you for your very level headed replies...I needed those!

Today, after a bad night/morning, I feel alot better and will DEFINITELY be writing a formal letter of complaint. I have the half term to do it so that gives me a bit of time to make notes of things she said that I keep remembering.

I did leave the school with copies of ds's IEPs as I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be leaving the classroom without them and that this was my right. However, I will put in the letter all that you have said about offering to pay for the copying.

I really felt (as I am sure did his teacher and the PiP) that she personally attacked me and the meeting was more about "getting one over on me" rather than joining forces to help my ds.
I think I am right in saying she has never even met him.

She does have an "opposite" and I shall request that I see her (she is quite literally the complete opposite, she's lovely and knows my ds well) in the future if required.

From the stress before and since the meeting, I have lost 2lbs in 2 days (even with comfort eating), which hey, isn't bad but goes to show how stessed I was.

I forgot to mention last night that I took my ds for his swimming lessons after the meeting (could seriously done with going home and downing a bottle of Baileys instead!). We bumped into his instructor and got talking about how well he was doing. She mentioned something about him not making eye contact and not listening and always talking to the other instructor and her. I told her that the AS and ADHD had been put on his records when I first registered him with the pool, but she was shocked into silence and asked what AS was. So for what seemed the umpteenth time I explained briefly what it was. Even though she has (definitely) been told verbally by an assistant on his first lesson (as I was standing in the viewing area, apparently looking worried), she denied that she knew this.

I went home with the feeling that perhaps if we buggered off to the countryside or just somewhere far far away and lived like hermits, no one could ask any more stupid questions and personally attack me for trying to be a concerned mother. I will keep that thought as a back up plan though!

[Chocol8]

PS - MrsF! OMG! Tom lost over a stone in weight? Bloody hell! That's terrible!

Just wanted to add that DAMN! Your post was much longer than mine - you win...again! x

[Davros]

Dino (and anyone else this applies to), you shouldn't be given the IEP after its been written, you should be involved in its construction at a termly review. Did that happen? Obviously not with Choc as she hasn't even seen them. Stinks Choc and that SENCo needs a right good kick up the arse, smug cow!

[Chocol8]

I just checked with a friend who is a parent governor and she said I should send the letter to the headmistress and a copy to the chair of governors. They then have to acknowledge the letter within 5 days and respond within 10. If I am not happy with the schools response, I should write to the director of education.

There are not many people I don't take to, but unfortunately, she doesn't realise that this is all out war - she picked on the wrong person. A few people have pointed out that if she did this to a parent who didn't have representation or know a bit about their rights, she could really f**k things up for their child! God, I need some sleep, I am so tired just thinking about what she did/said.

[mrsforgetful]

choc &CT...yes he was always on the 75% growth line every time he has ever been weighed and measured....and he was nearly 6 stone when he had been weighed last sept...then in feb he had dropped to just under 5 stone..... dropped right down to the 50% line....still not tiny....but the paed was concerned as she said it may have been due to the Concerta...though she said it was odd that he had been on methylphenidate for 2 and a half years and having grown steadily to suddenly lose so much weight.
i then explained about his school probs and his low self esteem at school and his lack of food at school (get the message!!!) and she said that it was feasable that if he missed a meal each day for what was nearly six months then that weight loss would make sense....though it was only when he was weighed this last time (6 stone 6 pounds) that she agreed that the medicine was nothing to do with it.

ok chocs...over to you...tis your thread!

p.s when i worked at a callcentre i was forever having to shorten my call notes as the computer would say things like 'this entry needs to be lest than 5000 characters'!!!! However i like using 'spaces...paragraphs.....and DOT DOT DOT......so ofcourse THAT is why the notes were long....nothing to do with what i rambled on about! Needless to say my notes were often used as examples of 'concise/accurate notes...but need to shorter!!!' in training!

[pixiefish]

Poor mrs f's son. That's horrid for him. Why can't people at least make sure that the basics are provided- school dinner fgs- it doesn't take much to sort that out does it.

[dinosaur]

Davros - yes I know - and hitherto I always have been. But as I said this teacher just does not seem to "get it". Going in to see her after school tomorrow.

It's not just me, my friend who has an nt daughter in the same class was also pretty fed up after parents' evening.

[Davros]

Dino, sounds like that teacher needs some training from a parent!

[Chocol8]

Just to let you know, I had a phone call from the SENCo today! She said that she wanted a copy of the last consultants report for my ds's file!

I said I didn't know which one she meant and that if I came to the school, we could go through the file and find out which other reports are missing from his file.

She was still rather unfriendly like she was the other day and I am still very upset. I will go and meet her tomorrow (shame I can't take a friend with me - just to listen to the way she talks to me) but I don't think she'll keep to her word of letting me have access to the file...just have a feeling.

What would you do? If she doesn't let me see the file, should I give her the copies she needs? If I refuse, will this make me look petty and as bad as her? I still intend to complain about her. I spoke to the PiP today and he gave me the points he had made notes of during our meeting, but not so sure that his presence really helped an awful lot tbh, he was really sitting on the fence and therefore not a lot of good to me. Any advice, as usual gratefully accepted.

[mrsforgetful]

not sure how you should handle this one...i'll let others decide!

However at times like this i wish we all had a dictaphone....so we could discreetly record what she says to you.....do spose you have one!!!!

[coppertop]

If it were me I think I would write a formal letter to the school, requesting a copy of the file. I don't know if it's worth sending a copy of the letter to the governors, just in case the other one gets 'lost'? It sounds as though they're not exactly acting on the info they've already got so it probably wouldn't matter if you delayed giving her the newer reports. Just my opinion though.

[Chocol8]

Ahh, MrsF, great minds think alike!!! I mentioned this to a colleague tonight, but he said he thinks you have to ask permission to record someone. Must say though I was extremely tempted.

I asked my ds if he knew her and he said she had given him a merit last week for walking nicely. I said, did she know your name and he said he thought she did.