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Help me be nice....

(133 Posts)

I have a disagreement with ds' school. It's quite big.

I don't really want to put much of the details on here because they are a good and nice school and don't deserve to be picked apart.

But how can I be nice, and not upset anyone whilst making it clear I am not happy about something.

You'd think I'd know. But in the past it was always about being reasonable and polite, realising that any implied friendship was just about them using as much of their tool as guilt as they possibly could.

With this school it is more genuinely about being friends - I hope.

So what? Take party bags? booze perhaps?

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Thu 07-Mar-13 23:59:41

The only thing wrong with your DS's school, IE, is the TA. But that is such a biggy, unfortunately. Haven't got a clue how to get shot of her, unfortunately.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Thu 07-Mar-13 23:48:41

IE: the reason I posted to Star saying she shouldn't remove her child part-time is that I think it is the worst of both worlds and will completely destroy her relationship with the school. Just to clarify.

I think that it is too soon for Star to conclude there is no way forward with this school.

I think the chances are the school are deliberately not following her advice because they don't want to start too much focus on the ASD-type issues which her son has, because they are a language disorder school. If Star says he is being failed because they are not addressing his issues, then the obvious answer is "he shouldn't be here then."
But it's early days to conclude it won't work.

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 07-Mar-13 23:43:13

I'm not interested in hearing them either. I just wanted to point that out.

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 07-Mar-13 23:41:42

Interesting, sorry, I will get flamed for this but I frankly don't care.

Apologies Star this is your thread but I am annoyed and I don't very often get like this.

I post about problems at school I get constantly slated by Moondog who tells me I need to remove my child whatever our circumstances and that the school is shit despite me saying that the school are doing their best.

You, however, should keep your child where he is and work with everyone when no one seems interested in working with you.

Why the difference?

My school are open door. They allow me to sit in school, work with my child whenever I like and are now recruiting for a new TA after explaining to me why they have delayed on it. But then not everyone has all the answers

I don't get the difference.

lougle Thu 07-Mar-13 23:01:08

DD's escort and driver are the most amazing people in her life. The driver changed a few weeks ago, and the new one is a really gentle man. He said 'we don't listen to the radio...we listen to DD1 and <DD1's classmate> because they're the best double-act grin

moondog Thu 07-Mar-13 22:58:13

How lovely!
I remember a totally non PC unreconstructed middle aged taxi driver (all fags and dangly air fresheners) gruffly asking me to teach him some Makaton signs.

I'd have had him over some SEN drone for my kid any day.

I have heard other parents complain about the escorts but tbh ds' has a rare ability with the kids in her charge, and she and the driver managed to locate a chocolate tape measure for his birthday! shock

MareeyaDolores Thu 07-Mar-13 22:37:15

yy moondog

Some truly amazing people work as bus escorts
I think the best equation is common sense plus wide life experience, multiplied by kindness personified

moondog Thu 07-Mar-13 22:32:47

The taxi/bus ride.
Utterlu underrated part of the day.
Some of those drivers/escorts are the best thing to happen to those kids, primarily because they aren't part of the professional SEN army.
What on earth are they doing for nearly 90 minutes though before school?
Could oyu take him yourself one or two days a week? Then you get to see the staff in a relaxed way.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Thu 07-Mar-13 22:22:32

I think you would be bonkers to start taking him out one day a week Star.

I really do.

You have at the end of the day/week a very tired child and I am not entirely sure that the lack of enthusiasm at the weekend that you are seeing for joint activities isn't partly down to exhaustion. I accept your concern that group stuff is not good at school either, but if they are not ready to listen to your suggestions then this is not a crisis issue and you have time to think on it further/sort it out.

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Unless you are totally disillusioned with the school as a whole.

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 07-Mar-13 22:12:27

I agree but where HE is wrong for some and works for others, so does school.

At least as many children are failed by being in a crap system not working for them because of some dogma that school is best, as are being failed by being out of it.

MareeyaDolores Thu 07-Mar-13 22:10:11

I've seen HE be amazing, and I've seen it go really wrong as well sad. And included under 'going wrong' are some of the thousands of parents who take on full-day support and education from 16-25.

Having your SN dc simply kicked out of school (at 16, or maybe before) with no skills, their mental health shot to pieces, no diagnosis and maybe one interview with a connexions worker who says 'have you thought about trying a literacy course' is an even bigger scandal than the appalling 5-16 provision.

I have no idea why his taxi picks him up at 7:30am. School doesn't start until 8:50 and it is only 12mins drive away hmm

BUT, and this is a strange but really. DS LOVES his taxi-mates. They are all older children and indulge his interests, as well as repremand him when appropriate, and look after him.

I have absolutely NO feedback from that and yet, I know it is a good experience for him.

zzzzz Thu 07-Mar-13 22:06:13

Well truth to tell Odd would sit ok with me as a descriptor.

I think HE has been revelation to me.

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 07-Mar-13 22:06:11

Yes, indeed those NT families drive me insane!

MareeyaDolores Thu 07-Mar-13 22:02:05

you're alright
I only think entirely NT families are weird

zzzzz Thu 07-Mar-13 21:58:57

Are you saying I am extremely odd grin or ds is? Mareeeya

zzzzz Thu 07-Mar-13 21:56:42

It's been indescribably easier for us because we have our old boy back, not dreadful despair child. We aren't undoing 5 days difficulty every weekend and we don't need to filter through senco, TA and CT to get things done that support him.

Same age socialising is difficult, but I do wonder if groups of 25 people of the same age ever socialise together outside institutionalised education, so is it worth struggling so hard to be educated in a group.

HE isn't easy. I find it exhausting, but it is ideal for ds at this stage. I so wish I had the guts to do it rather than being forced into it by school breaking down.

MareeyaDolores Thu 07-Mar-13 21:54:03

There's home educating, by choice or necessity

and there's the extreme choice of barely-leave-the-home brainwashing (I DON'T mean those whose dc are having a sensory-agoraphobic-breakdown phase)

The second is linked with extreme oddness, but is probably a symptom rather than a cause.

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 07-Mar-13 21:36:25

Have a look to see what is around for HE in your area Star or just flexi for the odd afternoon which will surely make no difference in terms of what he is missing but will give you a chance to work on skills.

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 07-Mar-13 21:34:56

I agree zzzz. It doesn't have to be an isolating process and it doesn't have to be forever.

Schools are not for everyone and school 'socialisation' can be a very artificial and weird form of socialization that bares very little connection to the skills needed in real life.

DS can be very sociable but he is going to find that school is not always a helpful social environment for him.

Some HE kids I know get daily group interaction in a variety of settings

moondog Thu 07-Mar-13 21:20:51

Of course they don't.
It's much harder for people who HE though and harder still to arrange good social situations for kids with SN who are HE.

(I was home educated myself for a good few years, becasue we lived in a country that was so remote, our lessons were flown into us form another country!)

zzzzz Thu 07-Mar-13 21:17:51

I can't agree with this,

"Quite. Being in a setting having to rub along with other people is always preferable to being home alone with mum.
I have known some very odd folk who have pursued ABA home programmes for years, and who obsessively control everyone their child comes into contact with. That's not what life is about-for any of us. "

Institutional learning is not suited to everyone, nor do I believe it suited to most children. It is how we do things now, but it is not so long ago that the vast majority of children were not institutionalised for large parts of their lives.

Isolation is unlikely to lead to great social skills but HE children (I would say especially vulnerable challenged children) don't have to be isolated just because they are at home.

moondog Thu 07-Mar-13 21:15:12

I know.
That is a jaw droppingly long day.
You have said there is a lot of good stuff gonig on there too. Presumably that outweighs the bad.
Even the best settings aren't perfect.
I am dubious about a lot of what my kids do and the competencies of those who teach them but they are a.) good people b.) try their best c.) work with me.

yes. I can see your point Moondog but WHERE is there time for that in his day?

Or do I cram the weekends and make a very organised schedule for the holidays (he has a bit more than state schools).

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