Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

The thread on AIBU

(38 Posts)
lougle Sun 24-Feb-13 22:29:11

has made me cry sad

How do any of us balance the needs of our child with SN with that of siblings? How do any of us know if we're getting it right?

We won't know until it's too late sad

bochead Mon 25-Feb-13 16:54:39

Judgeypantedness is so easy until you have to walk the mile in someone elses shoes. The right solution for holiday arrangements etc is the one that best suits the specific needs of that family - NOT what other people think ought to suit them ffs.

I have a SN sibling, growing up her needs were totally different to mine, and even my other NT sibling, who was academically gifted. Right from birth some NT babies are more clingy or more emotional etc than others so parents have to adapt to the needs of each individual child. SN just makes that differentiation a bit more extreme sometimes through sheer necessity. No mother worth her salt ever manages to raise a child without feeling guilty for something along the way!

We weren't treated equally by any means, but our differing needs were all met to the best of our parents ability, and most importantly we were never left in any doubt we were loved equally. Noone can ask for any more than that from their parents. (Mine might have had a favourite, if they did we were never made aware of it).

I'm grateful for my sister - without realising it I absorbed so much useful info growing up that helped stop me ever becoming one of the intolerant bigoted cows you see on the AIBU threads so often. Life isn't fair, it's how you deal with it that counts and society seems to be raising increasingly narcissitic individuals with each passing generation. I'm very, very proud to be part of the movement that bucks that trend all thanks to having a SN sibling.

Strongecoffeeismydrug Mon 25-Feb-13 17:20:12

When I'm old and grey and I look back on life I will be able to say I did my best.... And I can sleep knowing that and I'm sure in 20 years time I will feel the same way

idshagphilspencer Mon 25-Feb-13 19:38:04

Really sorry to intrude but that thread pissed me off. I called the op a goading cunt and was promptly deleted. Yet the thread was not deleted for almost 24 hours despite loads of reports. It clearly was goady, disabilist fuckwittery. It boils my piss that mnhq will not deal promptly with stufff. You guys really dont deserve any more shit. I am so sorry.

lougle Mon 25-Feb-13 19:43:21

Thanks everyone. I've realised that I'm never going to get it right, so I'll stop stressing about getting it wrong smile

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 25-Feb-13 19:50:09

'When I'm old and grey and I look back on life I will be able to say I did my best'

I'm old and grey, my babies are both adult now.
You never get it right all the time, but no parent ever does. You love your children lougle, all of them. You try and do what you can to the best of your ability. That's as good as it gets.

MareeyaDolores Mon 25-Feb-13 21:09:41

Idshag, you're not intruding. We welcome visitors [tea], and biscuit in the tin...

MareeyaDolores Mon 25-Feb-13 21:09:49

brew

MareeyaDolores Mon 25-Feb-13 21:12:03

Feeling pleasantly superior to a bunch of numpties isn't restricted to MNSN-regulars, anyone can join in, SN isn't an obligatory pre-requisite for being a decent human being grin thanks goodness

idshagphilspencer Mon 25-Feb-13 21:24:20

Thanks for the tea and biscuits. smile

zebrafinch Tue 26-Feb-13 04:36:28

I have taken DD away without DS. He is unable to travel. He requires 24/7 hands on attention. I feel gutted that he is not able to be with us and the time away is always bitter sweet as I can't help noticing boys his age out with their families and everyone being together. I am glad that I was able to do it so that DD has some special memories of her childhood where she came first. The reality is that DS needs have been so exhausting that DD has come second I feel very bad saying that but for many years we were on survival mode here. I have tried to balance their attention needs , I hope that if and when DD has her own children she may understand a bit more but it has been very very difficult for her.

hazeyjane Tue 26-Feb-13 13:59:19

I thought about this thread this morning, after this little exchange at the breakfast table.

dd2 (5) - I've got a question

me - yes, dd2?

dd2 - why doe ds get more attention than me and dd1?

dd1-ooh, I know, I know! Because he is more important than we are!

me and dh - er, um no, really girls that is not true......

I was so taken aback by the conversation, i was completely stumped as to what to say. I feel as though we have obviously fucked up somewhere, because this is obviously how they see the family working, and we try so hard to give them lots of attention, but sometimes (like the last month of ds having pneumonia and appointments every 2 days) it is really hard.

auntevil Tue 26-Feb-13 17:07:46

I wouldn't worry too much hazey. I remember seeing some programme on teams, where a random group were asked to do a specific task. Apparently it was easy to tell first borns, children in the middle, second borns, youngest etc.
I think we are all partly engineered to behave in certain ways due to the order we were born in. I've always thought that firstborns must think "wasn't I good enough that they had to have another?"
DS1 says the same about DS2 but in a 'you prefer him to me' way. He totally ignores DS3 in this matter grin I just take it to be natural rivalry of the usurper.

justaboutchilledout Wed 27-Feb-13 00:59:56

The important thing is that you reassured them hazey! At least they trust you enough to ask!

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