funding a residential placement at SN school??????

[giddy1]

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[giddy1]

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[buzylizy]

A while back we were thinking of moving my dd from her school to a boarding school. I know it isn't quite the same thing. one of the things we had to prove was that the school she was in couldn't meet her needs and that the new one could. I do know how much help you get does seem to depend on where you live(county) You probaly know all this.

[getbakainyourjimjams]

I think you need SS on side, that's the key.

[lars]

Hi Giddy, My ds is not in a residential school but it was suggested to me and we did look round but felt that it wasn't what we wanted for ds.

I understand that a doctor can suggest this to support your application. Also don't worry about county as this is not always the case. It really depends if the school is suited to your child's need and the authority are willing to pay. I think you should also speak to social services and ask for help they can also support your application and can offer you respite in the mean time and may come up with other options as well.

It sounds like you have really tried, but need some help. Good luck larsxx

[giddy1]

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[getbakainyourjimjams]

Much sympathy- and somewhere I can see us being one day. It muist be very hard balancing the needs of your dd and baby.

God tell me about SS, my direct payments person told me to ring my SW to check out some respite arrangements at which stage I discovered I no longer have one! Agh (despite being given 8 hours of dps a week during term time and 15 hours a week during holidays).

Do you have a good relationship with your statementing officer, or someone like an ed or clinical pscyh (or paed?). Could you approach them first?

[lars]

Giddy, you poor thing!!!

I've never had any dealing with social services myself and when I was referred by the school nurse saying I couldn't cope, they still didn't offer any help to me. So I do understand how frustrated you must feel.

Just a thought can you speak to the autistic society they may be able to suggst something ot know of a local charity that may be able to help you.

Please keep us informed how you get on.

Good luck larsxx

[giddy1]

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[giddy1]

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[lars]

Giddy, really hope you get this sorted out. larsxx

[anchovies]

Had a similar situation with my autistic brother when he was 16 (he's now 20). He was initially refused funding from social services (6 week shortfall on a residential placement) but received full LSC funding. The charity funded disability law service took on the case (link here ) and he is now in his 4th year of a residential placement outside of our local authority (almost unheard of in our area.) How is your relationship with your daughter's social worker?

Good luck and CAT me if you need any more info.

[anchovies]

Sorry I am so slow just saw your last post. Please do cat me, I am sure my mum can come up with some ideas!

[getbakainyourjimjams]

Do you have direct payments from SS- I'm using them to fund a mother's help. An extra pair of hands can make a huge difference when you have 2 who need supervising.

I know very well those feelings of being at the limit of whaty you can handle. Since ds3 (now 13 months) has started walking (and is very active) I find it increasingly exhausting to manage him and ds1 (who is off doing dangerous things or weeing on the floor at the 1st opportunity). It doesn't take much to have me sobbing these days. I focus on the idea that it'll be easier when ds3 is 2 (assuming he's OK- he's beginning to concern me).

The bedtime stuff sounds a nightmare- is there anyway you could let her get up but stay in her room. God its so hard isn't it. We use travel barriers - one on top of the other - to signal to ds1 that its not time to get up, and he accepts that (surprised me that he did).

Any chance of overnight respite in your area?

[giddy1]

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[Davros]

First, can you get any medication or melatonin to get her to sleep? THen everything would be a little easier. Its very hard to make any decision or be remotely consistent in how you feel when you are sleep deprived AND looking after a baby too. I don't know how you manage. I would also contact Socci's legal eagle and speak to the NAS Helpline.

Now, sorry this is so long but maybe some might be useful:

We seriously looked at residential school for DS last year (he is 10). I don't think many residential placements are "in borough" and its very common for people at residential school/placement to be from all over the place, this seems to be how it generally works.

WHat I think you need to do is build a case, especially as funding is much more likely if its "tri-partite", i.e. Health, Soc Svs and Education (mind you, not sure she still comes under Education at her age).

We started out discussing it with our Paediatrican who suggested himself that we should consider it so obviously he was supportive. I have heard from another parent that if the Paed is supportive (maybe its just this specific one, I don't know) then you are VERY likely to get agreement. Then I spoke to DS's Educational Psychologist, sobbed on the phone, and told her we were seriously considering residential. I told her that we don't WANT to send him to residential and we would much rather not but we were feeling like we had no other option. Next I went to see my GP who prescribed anti-depressants and referred me to the Surgery's Counsellor. The GP also wrote a letter (at my request) outlining his understanding of our situation. All this was completely genuine, not just a plan to get my way iyswim. I had been keeping a diary on and off since things had got very bad, just in an exercise book on the kitchen table. My god, this seems to have had the most impact on everyone!

By coincidence DS is due to transition to Secondary in Sept 06 so this all made sense, to be considering and researching residential, but it really was just a coincidence and convenient. We visited a couple of schools, one we liked and one we didn't (we're in London, one school was in Stoke and the other in Doncaster!). Just those 2 visits helped us decide that residential is too drastic at this point, although we are under no illusion that the day won't come. When your child is in residential school/care they are technically "looked after" (the PC term for In Care) so it is a big step.
In the meantime I had found out about a fairly local NAS school that does residential respite at weekends and holidays so we decided that this would be an ideal half-way house for us to try him in residential but very limited and giving us a break from him (which we haven't had for years and years). It was suggested at the Review that I write a Parents' Input, I don't know why I hadn't already been asked or thought of it myself, and once I had written this it also had a huge impact. Everyone got a copy of everything, my handwritten diary, my report, GP's letter, Paed's letter etc. As we were now asking for DS to stay at his current school (which is considered expensive but is half the cost of residential) and for one weekend a month residential respite at the NAS School it has all been agreed.

I would be VERY happy to send you my report or anything else that might help. Although they're different kids and different ages, some of what I've already written might be relevant, why invent the wheel again?

[giddy1]

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[Davros]

Of course the first thing is to more-or-less come to a decision that you want residential, far from easy. Then you have to find somewhere you like and then find out if there's a place.....
A child like DS certainly has little prospect of not going to residential at some point, its just when will that be and where? We looked at 52 week placements as I can't see the benefit in getting them back at weekends and holidays, I'd rather the other way round! 52 week does seem to be very flexible but I suspect the reality is that they would really spend more time there than at home, esp as most seem to have provision for parents/family to visit on site.
I was talking today to a lovely girl who works in Fundraising at DS's school. Her brother is 21 and has been in residential for 3 years. Her mum is in the process right now of trying to get him moved. I'm going to have a chat with her mum after half term as she's obviously a long way ahead of me and I'd like to know how/when they decided to move him and what its been like. Obv they're not happy with where he is now although I gather that they were at first and for the first couple of years. Staff changes etc and it all changes.
I forgot to mention in my previous post that, after all my "case building" I did includer Social Services eventually! They actually came last on the list once I'd got everything else together and I sent them the whole lot with a very clear request for the weekend respite. Luckily our Soc Svs dept are quite good, although we're still waiting for them to send a contract out so we can get started, grrrr.
I really do think that you can't go on doing everything yourselves, your DD will have to be able to live away from you at some time so maybe now is as good a time as any?

[giddy1]

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[Davros]

I'm not surprised

[giddy1]

I wanted to let you all know that after having given this loads more thought I am seriously determined to secure DD1 a place at a good residential school.
The only reason the authorities have so far given me for it being a waste of my time is the cost and the fight it will be for us to secure a place.
No-one has even offered to look again at DD1's needs and how they might be met by a more wholistic education.
It really upsets me that she has no access to any activities whith her peer group beside the 9-3 day at school. She has nothing to do after school, in the holidays , weekends and whenever she is not well enough to attend school.
She drives me round the bend but only because she is so needy and I can not give her what she needs.
After several calls and letters from myself, the paediatrician, G.P, etc etc the only offer the Social Worker has made to lift the burden and give DD1 some activiies is to again expect me to drive an hour to a SN childminder .
Anyway (sorry I am going on and on) I have now contacted a solicitor who I found on the National Autistic society publication and they have offered to take on the case for me.
They gave me 30 mins free advice over the phone and then advised me that we do have a case.
They were really helpful.
I know this is all a bit drastic but I have felt like all the agencies were conspiring to with-hold information from me. I found it impossible to get anyone to even discuss the criteria for applying for a residential school and how to ammend the statement etc etc. Just a wall of purse string defending is all I heard.
There is a total inability to assess a childs needs without money being uppermost in the equation (that breaks the rules in my opinion)

I have stated numerous times that I am unable to meet her needs at home and look after a baby.
This should not be about what I or my husband and young baby need (thats obvious anyway)
It should be what is best for a young lady who has such complex and demanding behaviour that by its very nature she requires a team of people to look after her and in an environment where she can flourish.
I am so sick of people suggesting to me that I just need a break . That would be really nice because I have to be about to commit suicide to ever get one but the point is this is never going to work out ...we cannot live in this way and my poor poor darling girl is so seriously getting on my nerves that I feel like I am going to scoop my 8 month old baby up in my arms and escape.
I was asked the other day if "I have any love for DD1 at all?" by the district nurse who had come to discuss incontinance Services.
I could have fucking slapped her. The love I feel for my autistic baby (a big 16 year old baby) is just torture . Love is all I have for both of my girls.
I'm sorry I have turned a bit bitter.
thanks for helping me

[Davros]

Giddy, good for you, you're doing the right thing. Your post is very moving and well put. Good luck

[JakB]

Yeah, good for you Giddy. Glad you found a supportive solicitor. Good luck