please help me before I go mad - newborn awake from 9pm unti 2am every night & I don't know what to do.

[bodenbetty]

I wish I knew how to hrl pher & get her setteld but I don't seem able to do it & Its horrible. In teh day she feeds fine & goes to slepp in her cot no probelms. At night when i've fed her she lies in her cot, her legs & arms go mad & she's squealing & grunting. I thought it couldbe wind but even after winding her ( a feat in itslef) she still lies there & kicks. I'm giving her infacol but it doesn't seem to be having any efect.tehn she seesm to want to go on & off me very 5 minutes. falls asleep on me then wakes after 5 minutes & screams again. she is in our room & right next to me. i don't feel comfortbale with her slepping in bed with us. I thingk she falls asleep in teh end out of exhaustion.
Somone told me fennel tea was good fro settling babaies but no joy with that yet.
I'm so tired that I coould cry _ I just want her to not cry & be settled & I feel I'm failing her becasue I don'r know whats wrong or how to deal with it. All her cries sound teh same to me.

i was going to ring my HV but don't hvae much faith inher as she told me her mouth was full of milk resideue then teh Dr at the 10 day check said it was thrush.
if anyone has experienced teh same thing or any ideas how I can stop this awful circle I;d be so grateful.

[acnebride]

i wish i had some useful advice - i don't - the only thing i can suggest is to become nocturnal yourself so that you feel less crap - but i certainly didn't manage to do that when ds was awake ALL night and asleep in the day. it did end, though. hope somebody else more helpful comes along. HUGS. Ring everyone you know and burst into tears - get as much help as you can with everything.

[Pidge]

If it's any consolation this seems to be a really common problem. Both my two were terribly unsettled in the evenings and took ages to get to sleep. For unsettled, actually read - yelling their heads off for hours on end, utterly inconsolable. With my first dd it nearly broke my heart because I just wanted to fix it, I would have done anything to stop her crying, in the end I used to breastfeed her every 20 minutes because at least that kept her quiet for a few minutes. With my second dd I felt less bad because I knew I was doing everything I could, and it wasn't 'my fault'.

I don't have any magic cure - get as much help as you can, don't be on your own with the baby in the evening, use any devices that work for you - feeding, rocking, dummy, pushchair. And it will gradually over the weeks sort itself out. With my dd1 we didn't really fix it till about 12 weeks, with my dd2 we managed it much earlier - around 7 weeks.

Good luck.

[FrannyandZooey]

Oh betty I am sorry you feel so crap. It is absolutely overwhelming being the mother of a newborn and even worse when you feel like you are doing something wrong - YOU ARE NOT. All your baby needs at the moment is to be cuddled, fed, and changed - you are not failing her because she is not settled and in a routine. Unfortunately she needs to be fed, changed and cuddled when she needs it, and not at sensible times of day Just get as much sleep as you possibly can when she is sleeping, and call in all the favours you possibly can - get friends to come and take her out in the pram for half an hour, or make you a meal, or just let you talk and cry.

It is such hard work at this early stage and it is really normal to feel despairing and exhausted. It will pass. Just try to live through this bit and you will start to see a pattern developing. If you try to attend to her needs as much as you can you will start to learn what she wants and when. Try and get in touch with your own feelings instead of what the books say - listen to her and try to give her the comfort she needs - it's all you can do.

I think the words 'newborn' and 'settled' just don't go together. It will all come, in time.

[fullmoonfiend]

How old is she?
My first child was like this, he did have colic amd his crying time was from 4pm til 12 or 1am for the first 3 months. The good news it does get better but I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown so I empathise.

These guys were fab and gave me lots of techniques to try which helped me - and are very lovely and patient.

It may be that you have to try very hard (and I know that seems impossible cos when a baby wants to sleep, she wants to sleep!!) to keep her awake in the later afternoons so that she is more tired later.

Try to have a big wind down period at 'bedtime' (dark room, soothing quiet sounds, feed, bed)

Good luck and hang on in there

[acnebride]

i don't know anything about thrush, has that cleared up?

[bodenbetty]

think she still has thrush- tongue now coated withe medicine as opposed to white thrish aotches so hwrd to tell. does not seem to ahve stoppped her feeding.
she's asleep in cot now so am going to ake her out fro abit - haven't bbeen out of teh house for dasy so feelike I@m going mad anyway.

[acnebride]

betty this sounds SO rubbish.

Have you got any help, a partner, a family member, a friend? I know that it doesn't always seem much use, but someone to walk up and down with her for an hour or two so you can go to bed/the hairdressers/a film?

and now that the doctor has diagnosed thrush, maybe try the HV again?

hope you get out. hope you can post later.

[acnebride]

sorry i didn't mean your posts sounded rubbish, just that life sounded rubbish for you

[bodenbetty]

thanks acnebride. HV coming out on monday (or tuesady ) so will see if she has any decent advice. DH has suggested putting a hot waterbottel in her cot whilst she is out feeding so that when she oes back in it feels nice & warm (though you'd think in this weather it would be warm anyway). thats about all the inpsiration we ahve for teh monment.
thanks for teh crysis link - think they might ahve to beciome my new best friends!

[bodenbetty]

thanks acnebride. HV coming out on monday (or tuesady ) so will see if she has any decent advice. DH has suggested putting a hot waterbottel in her cot whilst she is out feeding so that when she oes back in it feels nice & warm (though you'd think in this weather it would be warm anyway). thats about all the inpsiration we ahve for teh monment.
thanks for teh crysis link - think they might ahve to beciome my new best friends!

[helenainsworth]

I had this problem with my new born (willbe 1 nextweek). She wouldnt settle til 6am every night and barely slept in the day either. i instituted a night time routing at around 6 weeks which had no impact at all at first but by 12 weeks she was settling by 10.30 and then gradually earlier until 7pm goal. It WILL get better. Believe that. Just allow yourself to sleep whenever baby does and feel sympathy for yourself- it is HORRIBLE. but it WILL get better.

[Enid]

put her on her tummy to sleep

she sounds like she is exhausted but not settling herself

dd3 was like this for about 4 weeks (sorry) but then she suddently stopped

I did sleep in bed with her and used to sleep on my side with her hanging onto my boob no not ideal but at least I got some sleep and so did she.

[Enid]

If you KNOW you are going to be up between 9 and 2 then go to bed at 6 - when does your dh get in? Can you sleep during the day?

Or get dh to take her out for a walk in the pram - its light enough. Dh does this for dd3.

[LeahE]

Taking babies out in the day (somewhere between 12 and 4, I think) has been shown to speed up the rate at which they sort out the whole night/day thing. Mind you, at the moment when the advice is to avoid the sun between 11 and 3 that doesn't leave a whole lot of scope...

It WILL get easier. And in a year or so you will have to struggle to remember quite how bad you feel now. That doesn't help much now, but if you can manage to keep going one day at a time it will eventually end.

[Enid]

god no hot water bottle (I presume you are in the UK where there is a heatwave atm)

[beckybrastraps]

Ds was like this, and I felt like you. I didn't know what was wrong with him. He was fed, he was dry, he was being held...
My mum told me some babies just cry, and that was actually really helpful to me. It took the pressure off. I would just sit and hold him (and watch the television with subtitles on , and after a while I was less bothered by the crying. And eventually of course he didn't cry all the time, and I got a bit of sleep.

Good luck. And relax. Some babies just cry!

[Chandra]

Erm... this may work, you may even need to do it just one day if it works well.

Wake up your baby for a feed early in the morning (around 8?), try keep day naps to a maximum of 2 hrs during day and insure all feeds are long. She will be ready for a series of long sleeps by night. In a nutshell try to keep baby awake for slightly more than usual and overfeed her for a day)

I used to do this to "cure" DS jetlag when traveling long haul, it worked like a charm.

[dizzybint]

rather than the hot water bottle maybe try a baby sleeping bag. works for me. you can get very thin ones for high summer. my baby just sleeps in her nappy in hers. she now knows when she's zipped into her bag it's night time.

[Enid]

yes we do that too

[bodenbetty]

another horendous night last night. DD awake from 8.30 until 2, tehn 4 until 5.30. sao far I've tried..
swaddling - doesn't like it
too smallyet for a grobag ( & its too hot)
an old tshirt of mine next to her in teh cot
an clock to see if ryhtmic noise helps
fennel tea for me
she will fall asleep on me in any position (which make s me think that it ISN@T wind as she only kicks off when lying in cot) but I'm realy not happy havingher in bed with me.
any other ideas what I can try?
is it wirth kepping her awake as much as possible today in teh hope thats she s so tried she'll slepp tonight?
or willthat make her overtired & I should just let her slepp when she wants reagrdless of wheter its day or night.
sorry for all typos - too knackered to care today!

[FrannyandZooey]

Betty, she is tiny

she is crying for you

she stops crying and falls asleep when you are with her

you are exhausted and need sleep

she sleeps when she's in the bed with you

bit of a no-brainer, to me

you have the rest of her life to teach her to sleep alone, or get her in a routine, or do whatever it is you think you ought to be doing.

For now, you are going to have to either meet her immediate needs for comfort and security as much as you can, or put up with a lot of crying and disturbance. She doesn't know she's 'meant' to be in a cot.

[Mandymoo]

Agree with F&Z - ds is 11 wks and has been co-sleeping with us. They've spent 9 months in a nice safe and warm womb and have now been thrust into this mad world - they just need to feel safe and secure and that means being with mummy!

It doesnt last forever - dd is now 3.8 and sleeps in her own bed (infact she only co-slept for 6 weeks!)

Give yourself a break and get some sleep - make life easy for yourself

[Enid]

boden betty you have your answer

I co-slept and carried dd3 around with me constantly and she is now very happy in her cot in my room (12 weeks) so you wont make ANY bad habits i promise. Can you kick dh (nicely obv) into the spare room/sofa for a few weeks?

completely agree with Franny

[Enid]

PLEASE dont try and keep her awake it will make her overtired

just GO TO BED when she is asleep and try and get some sleep and please just forget the routines for a couple of weeks until you are rested

[Enid]

in fact I have to stop reading all this as Frannys post has brought tears to my eyes