Misery loves company: anyone want to join me on a support thread for those desperate and demoralised by their 8/9/10 mo sleep?

(1000 Posts)
Suchanamateur Tue 11-Dec-12 14:36:13

Bloody sleep regression. It's like 4 months all over again but worse because it felt (briefly) like we were getting somewhere. Feck. Anyone else want to share tales of woe or is it (a) just me or (b) way too depressing to post about..?

Hi Elphaba, my DC are 2.5 and nearly 9 months. It's DC2 who's being tricky with sleep...DC1 was similar at the same age but I've got far less patience now sad

ballroompink Fri 08-Feb-13 10:58:06

Hi Bobby - well I nearly snapped last night tbh. So happy because DS slept from 6.30 until 10.30 - longest evening stretch for a few weeks. Hoped he might go back down easily after a feed but no. It took nearly two hours. In that time he screamed until he threw up. And that was without even being left - DH was sitting by his cot at the time.

HearMyRoar Fri 08-Feb-13 19:28:52

Well sleep is no change here. Just as rubbish as always.

Dp took dd to the 9 month check with the HV today. Apparently she was horrified by us cosleeping and informed dp that we should put her in a cot or if we drank any alcohol we would smother her. Dp told her we don't drink and find there current arrangement works fine, thank you very much. She was also shocked by how often I am bfing at night and told dp he should have a talk with me about whether I really want to continue to bf, oh and we should take her dummy away hmm

On the plus side she spotted dd has a bit of a lazy eye and also said that of the gp won't refer us to the allergy testing people them she will have a go at getting us seen. So it's good to have a back up plan if we have no help from the go.

Health visitors just mystify me...utterly mystify me. Because she'd wake up so much less if you stopped BFing and she'd be so much easier to settle hmm With some of the mad advice HVs give out, you have to wonder if they followed their own recommendations and/or even breastfed their children at all.

A hv is just a nurse with a pair of scales, it does not a parenting expert make!!! Bollocks to not co sleeping, yes alcohol and bed sharing is ill advised, but exhaustion and co sleeping is also a no no and that's when I've let DT1 fall out twice . Twas unplanned though, so tired I fell asleep bf. blush . Rubbish advice, they're meant to encourage bf for at least a year. FFS. Hv give me sleep deprived rage!!

I am at the end of my tether. DT2 continues to cough his guts up, so from his one waking we were back to 5 last night. DD was up for an hour. DT1 took 2.5 hours to settle to sleep but then slept for 4- a record, but we were up with the other two

<weeps>

10 months 4 days now... When, WHEN will I get any sleep. I have not had more than 2.5 hours in a row in months, and its only been twice since the dts birth

<weeps some more>

But for those seeking encouragement, DT2 has been doing better all by himself, from 9.5 months just started improving. No teeth yet though so sure it'll change.

feekerry Fri 08-Feb-13 21:33:43

hello ladies. hope we are all well. i have been on a course all week so limited time at night to post. hope you are all okay ish.
well i have been leaving at 6.30 am every morning for course and getting in about 6pm. really shit. have seen dd about 40 mins in total each day.
she is actually sleeping all night atm tho which helps but part of me thinks she is used to not seeing me now so has given up on getting up thru night as no longer needs/wants me. :-( sorry. have the guilt tonight

HearMyRoar Sat 09-Feb-13 19:19:32

Don't feel like that feek ! Maybe she just realises how tired you are from your course and is giving you some sleep grin

I can absolutely sympathise with the sleep deprivation rage. I think everyone with a baby let alone a non-sleeping one feels like that sometimes. I went a little extreme and gave up alcohol in the end as I just found I was getting so angry after multiple wake-ups, even if I had only had half a shandy, it was starting to quite upset me. I realised that any alcohol at all just ,made it so much worse and it wasn't fair on me or dd. Haven't had a drink for about 6 months now...not that I was drinking much before due to pregnancy and stuff so it wasn't really a biggy to stop. I found its made a big difference to my ability to cope.

The HV apparently thought we were so 'woo' she assumed we were vegetarian and started lecturing on the importance of protein. Dp had to reasure her that despite the sling and the cosleeping we aren't complete lentil weaving, PETA fundamentalists grin

She'd love us then - we are vegetarian as well as co-sleeping, breastfeeding and slinging. The only things missing here are the cloth nappies but only 'cause we couldn't find any we liked

And feek wasn't she doing that before you went on the course? Ergo, she's not doing it because she no longer wants/needs you. She's just sleeping lucky cow grin

PoppyAmex Sat 09-Feb-13 21:38:42

Aww feek she just happens to be sleeping, which is brilliant.

That HV is shocking, but can't say I'm surprised and that's why I've been staying away from mine. Are we suppose to have a 9month check? Crap!

We not vegetarians, but do all the rest including cloth nappies (at night only) - was sick of leaks and poey babygrows/sleepingbags. Started using night time cloth 5 months ago and haven't had a single leak. Not once!

Elph how's your weekend going after a working week? Did you get that Friday feeling again or are you too exhausted?

Last night was crap here... she kept standing up in her sleep and waking up seriously pissed off, bless. Hopefully she'll sleep better tonight (can't be hard, surely).

lucylookout Sat 09-Feb-13 22:01:09

Poppy, DS always leaks pee at night. When he comes on with me he lies on his side snuggled up into my armpit and always has a wet vest and gro bag on one side in the mornings. I'd assumed cloth would be worse but might they work to stop pee leaks too?

Feek, I'm sure there's no connection between your course and dd's sleep. She's getting just a little bit older and is probably getting the hang if it now. Try to enjoy it!

I'm here feeding DS. I wouldn't normally this early, but something's bugging him and I thought it might make him feel better. In the last few days I have progressed to the previously unimaginable putting him down awake for naps and bedtime and after a kiss goodnight leaving the room. He burbles happily for a few minutes then goes off to sleep. When he wakes up I mainly just give him a pat and shush and then leave the room (until he comes in with me in the early hours) and yet he still wakes up all.the.time. As he gets such minimal interaction from me I really think it's physical discomfort waking him up (gas I reckon) so I'm sure he'll grow out of it some time soon and that THERE IS A GOOD SLEEPER IN THERE SOMEWHERE! <very hopeful>

PoppyAmex Sat 09-Feb-13 22:17:15

"Poppy, DS always leaks pee at night. When he comes on with me he lies on his side snuggled up into my armpit and always has a wet vest and gro bag on one side in the mornings. I'd assumed cloth would be worse but might they work to stop pee leaks too?"

That's exactly what used to happen to us; we co-sleep and DD only sleeps on her side. She woke up with a wet side so many times I had to put a waterproof pad under her side.

I bought 5 of these bamboo cloth nappies. They're one size fits all (up to 2 year olds) and they have been a godsend.

I much rather bung 5 nappies a week in the washing machine than having a pee ridden baby every morning (and wet vest/sleepingbag/sheets!)

Hello all,

Glad to hear of some getting sleep. Sorry to hear others not so good.

Mixed bag here. Had a night of fun and games up for 3 hours bouncing about two nights ago, then last night she did a six hour stretch.

I didn't bother with the hv after dd1 was 5 weeks old, imo my mum, mil, sil etc... Have far more parenting knowledge between them and are my source of support. GP if something medical. Only took stitch to be weighed a few times, last at 8 months and only then to check weight for car seat, won't bother again sanctimonious bitch hv was so rude.

I'd still love to use cloth nappies but DH and DS both hate them. DS is a sensitive soul and he only has to look at them to break out in a nappy rash. He'd also wail to be changed after just one wee, hence we chucked in the idea.

This week has been going really well - slept four out of five nights in his cot, with co-sleeping not required, and one night we had only ONE - ONE - wake up! It was the most sleep I've had in 8.5 months. Last night, however, he was back to his old tricks and wouldn't go back to his cot from midnight, with several lengthy wake ups thereafter <sigh>

Friday feeling <hollow laugh> That was always directly connected to the thought 'woo hoo! Lie in tomorrow!', so the nature of my Friday feeling has changed. Spending quality time with DS was scuppered slightly by DH who decided he was ill all day Saturday - tummy upset and feeling a bit tired, no D&V mind - which apparently entitled him to lie in bed all day watching rugby on his laptop angry So I was left running around like a blue-arsed fly getting all the weekend jobs done myself. I'd just like to add here that I did two lots of dishes and several loads of laundry last weekend with mastitis, plus the feeling of dread of having to return to work, plus no sleep. I've had words with DH before about his dying swan act when he's ill, but his response is that I should also rest when I'm ill (I can only assume I'm supposed to hand DS to the nanny and wet nurse) and that I'm being unsympathetic. I've been told, only half-jokingly, by many people that you're not allowed to get sick once you have a baby. I can see what they mean entirely. Surely this applies to dads as well? AIBU??

HearMyRoar Sun 10-Feb-13 08:37:58

We use cloth nappies during the day and love them. They have already paid for them selves so every time I use one it's a free nappy. We use disposables during the night though as I couldn't find a cloth nappy that coped with night weeing and wasn't so huge by the morning poor dd ended up with her sleep suit bursting and her legs straight up in the air. Rarely have leaking problems with disposables, we use the boots ones and find them pretty good.

elph I am super jealous about all that sleep!

IMHO your dp is being unreasonable to stay in bed all day but not unreasonable to say you should also rest when you are unwell. He should be able to cope for a day, at least a morning, with your ds without you so you can rest. In fact you should be doing that occasionally anyway now you are back at work but still dealing with night wakings. Today I recommend you hand over ds and go back to bed for a few hours. Yesterday I stayed in bed till 11:30. It was bliss and most definitely needed.

also we have a rule in this house that if you're on your own with dd any housework is a bonus. Our flat is a tip though grin

lucylookout Sun 10-Feb-13 09:09:18

No, not unreasonable at all elphaba. We have similar scenario here. Dh been in bed since yesterday morning. Symptoms are very vague but he's doing a kind of laboured breath thing that sends me potty. So looking after ds1 and ds2 as well as a cat dying of stomach cancer who can't help but throw up everywhere once or twice a day. Feeling rested and relaxed? Nope (but you can bet dh will be well enough for work tomorrow)

lucylookout Sun 10-Feb-13 13:56:46

GOD he's irritating when he's ill angry

Fishandjam Sun 10-Feb-13 20:43:30

Heyho all! <hands round vol-au-vents and warm Prosecco nicked from the wedding we attended this weekend>

Yay for the sleeping babes, and boo to the ones who still aren't. A couple of weeks ago I had a mini-breakdown (not my finest hour) and we decided we had no option but to do the dreaded controlled crying. And bugger me if the little swine didn't overhear us, and decided she'd sleep OK anyway! Over the last week we've managed to achieve 11pm to 6am fairly consistently - she still wakes, but can be fobbed off with a dummy. She's also reasonably good at nodding off at 7pm and only waking to feed at 11pm. We've only had to leave her screaming once, and even then she gave up after an hour or so (we were going in after 5, 10 and then every 15 minutes). The only problem we now have to overcome is her resolute refusal to take a bottle or cup...

Does everyone's DH do the dying duck in a thunderstorm thing then? cos mine really grinds my gears when he does it

Sadly, if I go back to bed for a few hours, and DH has to look after DS, jobs just don't get done around the house and it's not like I can postpone them anymore. I could have a lie-in, then spend the rest of the day doing chores, or not have a lie-in, burn through chores then spend the rest of the day doing something nice with DS (and maybe DH as well, if he can possibly drag himself from his deathbed).

DS just woke up 40 mins after going to sleep which, in itself, was a Herculean effort to achieve. I have such a bad, bad feeling about tonight after all these lovely nights he's been letting me have...sad

Oh hi, Fish. <sniffs the vol au vents to find the vegetarian ones>

HearMyRoar Sun 10-Feb-13 21:16:49

Ah, this is clearly where you and I differ elph. You see, I just wouldn't do the chores. But then I am a slattern of the highest order grin

Mmmmm....vol au vents...dd is feeding so much at the moment I am back to just wanting to eat all the time. Its like having a newborn again.

Did somebody say vol au vents?

Got a lie in this morning from DH after both girls were up one after the other last night. DH is pretty good at still being pro-active when ill, but will moan about it. While I love to have a lie in and will take them when I can to catch up on sleep, it does mean when I get up there will still be chores to do as DH will feed kids and on a good day hoover, but not much else. Sometimes it is just easier to get up, at least then things will be done earlier and we can then go out for a bit.

HearMyRoar Tue 12-Feb-13 18:45:07

Oh dear, now she has a ridiculously runny nose. Last night she woke everytime she lay down as she couldn't breath properly. Sob. sad

Tonight I have got her on a wedge pillow so she is on a bit of a slope so hoping that might help...please...

HearMyRoar Thu 14-Feb-13 12:38:21

So...either everybodies babies have started sleeping through the night or you have all given in to the urge to crawl into a corner and hibernate....anyone.... grin

No, no sleeping here. Instead, DT1 is up two hourly, often cot refusing but i hate co sleeping, i doze at best.

I'm miserable. As per thread title, sleep deprived and miserable so for lack of anything witty/positive/ amusing to say, I've refrained from continuous me me me ranting on here....

<lunges at any left over vol au vents>

I can only get DT1 back to sleep after a feed, even at the 9pm wakening. Dire.

How, how can I improve this?!?

Oh- but had to leave him awake in his cot twice, as DT2 and DD go to bed ok (DT2 brilliantly, DD ok really!) And he vomits. All his tea. Everywhere. Within 3 minutes- I'm not joking. My carpets are stinking. He sleeps in a travel cot, so vomit+ mesh = disaster. So cc is clearly never an.option.

I'm despairing, and losing my patience with my littlies in the day.

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