Any ideas for smart answers to nasty comments? Yr 7 Girls...sigh.

[wheresthebeach]

DD in Yr 7. All started out fine but now there is some nastiness. DD is a gentle kid so not good at the 'death stare' (unless at me!) or smart come backs that set the boundary.

So...'friend' asks 'what do you want to be when you grow up'. Then responds with 'you're too stupid to do that '. Several other similar set ups to be put down.

They travel on the same train, and are the only two from their year on it, so 'friend' is difficult to avoid. Up until recently it's all been fine so they have the habit of meeting on the platform and travelling together.

So far we've been roll playing a sarcastic 'Nice!' and eye roll...

Other suggestions welcome!

And breath....

[Trufflethewuffle]

I taught my daughter to look at her "friend" in the face, slowly look down to her feet and back up again while curling her lip in a sneery way. It seemed to do the trick pretty well.

[patterkiller]

A good hearty chuckle with a 'you're so funny' with a ruffle of her hair to complete the belittling.

[TeddTess]

don't reward her with a put down. just a "charming" or such comment. don't engage or defend with nasty comments, much more powerful to brush off.

[PurpleDaisies]

I agree whole heartedly with tess. She's looking for a reaction. Don't give her what she wants.

Just a simple matter of fact "I'm not listening to nastiness" and turning away is the best response.

[antimatter]

How about your dd replying "You wish!"
Od is that too old fashioned?

[Hereslookingatchoo]

Get her to raise her eyebrows and say 'Coming from you...' leaving it opened ended....it's the adult version of 'you are what you say you are'

A dismissive 'whatever' or 'yeh, yeh, get a life' followed by an eye roll. Or the classic 'grow up' never hurts.

[lljkk]

I imagine that DD would intone "That was really rude" and deploy a death stare.

Repeat offence to be followed by "Why don't you piss off if you have nothing nice to say to me?"

DD is fierce.

[Scarydinosaurs]

Oh dear.

I sometimes feel a straightforward "why did you say that?" Works better than retaliating with nastiness. And then if the age old "only joking" comes back, the simple- "I didn't think it was funny, it really hurt my feelings" goes a long way.

No denial from her that she didn't realise how her comments made her friend feel, no escalating the bad feelings- just a simple, direct conversation where she doesn't allow someone else to hurt her feelings.

[wheresthebeach]

Oh oh some really good ones! Thanks. Keen not to give an opening to more insults. She's tried 'that's really mean/or rude' and all she's got was 'its true'.

I'll give her some of the options and see which ones she likes.

Wish she'd deploy the death stare I get from her!

[Scarydinosaurs]

It's true???

Why do you think that? Needs to be her reply. And don't forget, that really hurts my feelings. As a teen I remember teasing a not smart girl about her intelligence and she burst into tears and I never ever did it to anyone again. It brought home to me what I was doing, sometimes the bullies fool themselves into thinking the other person doesn't 'feel' like they do and it doesn't hurt them.

Good luck to your dd.

[sugar21]

you're too stupid to do that
As you are not qualified to do it, how d'you know?

[mudandmayhem01]

My DD floored someone with the Mumsnet classic "did you mean to be so rude?" We often say it as a bit of a joke at home, it often gets a smile from a stroppy preteen.

[Twinkie1]

And you're qualified to make that judgement because?

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

Would "fuck off cunt" be too rude for a Year7?

[PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter]

I'd do the death stare or reply with several favourites from my teens;
'Takes one to know one' uttered repeatedly is infuriating.
'Why?' Repeatedly again to every remark is infuriating
'Oh, I see, you're already a careers advisor, at least I don't have to ask you what you want to be.' Then turn away should end it. Does she have earphones? Can she plug those in for the journey and ignore this girl?

[Wolfiefan]

How about.
We'll see! Smug look!

[wheresthebeach]

A tad Who just a tad....

She does have earphones Purple but isn't keen as she thinks ignoring will inspire more actions so she want to slap her down (metaphorically...natch).

Qualified/careers advisor sarcasm sound like good options too...

This is great...thanks everyone.

[WanderingTrolley1]

"That's not very nice!"

Why retaliate with more put-downs? She needs to keep her head up and learn to ignore unpleasantness.

[Sleepybeanbump]

Jesus, girls can be so bitchy! I'd probably suggest something like (ideally uttered in a really pitying, bemused, patronising way) 'God, are you trying to be funny by being so mean?'.

[PurpleDaisies]

she thinks ignoring will inspire more actions so she want to slap her down

I think sarcastic slap downs will feed the nastiness rather than stopping it. The perfect one liner stunning the bully into submission only works in films. In real life they just respond with more insults.

[wheresthebeach]

Its tricky to know what works. Taking the high ground seems to only encourage more comments to get a reaction. Some sort of dismissive, rather than upset, reaction may be the way to go.

[MuttonCadet]

Year 7? "Fuck off" would do perfectly well.

[lljkk]

She's tried 'that's really mean/or rude' and all she's got was 'its true'.

That's a screaming raging green light to go straight to "Fuck off".

[MuttonCadet]

Or for a bit more eloquence, "fuck off you irrelevant fool."

Any more nonsense and call her a cunt, seriously, there is no need for clever come backs - the swearing will be enough to stop her in her tracks (at least for a few minutes).

Going forward if you need more imaginative swear words I know of no better place than mumsnet ;-)

[lljkk]

"...Irrelevant little fool", even.
The thing about the Fuck Off is the it doesn't have to be said with anger. In fact, a quiet and bland "I can barely be bothered to rise to this" Fuck Off will be perfect, take the wind out of her sails.