I'm in a huge dilemma as to whether to send my twins to different secondary schools - one is a private single sex and one a mixed private both of an equal standard. I would prefer them to be together but my heart says that in order to stop the endless comparisons (one is very competitive which I think holds the other one back) even down to who has done the best homework, who gets on best with certain friends etc. I don't want one to miss out on being in a mixed school but I feel that she (the non-competitive one) might be better off at a single sex school - but...will she be jealous of the other one being in a mixed environment, will she miss out???? Has anyone been in this situation or can advise me as I'm very very confused and don't want to make the wrong decision.
I agree with the previous posters that as a twin (with a twin sister) I'd have hated being at a different school to my sister. We were both quite sporty so we'd have been playing netball / hockey etc against one another - would have only increased the competitiveness. I also think that inevitably as you've identified, as they get older, interested in boys etc, if one has plenty of friends (who are boys, rather than boyfriends) and the other is at a singe sex school, then that will lead to one potentially feeling inferior and less "cool" somehow. We were pretty much together the whole time - same class, then streamed into the same set, chose the same options (until A level) but we developed our own set of friends and found our own paths. We chatted about homework, school, shared that experience and its strengthened the bond we have 20+ years on.
I have twins myself now (boy/girl though) and chances are they'll go to separate secondary schools (as the majority of schools are single sex here). I definitely think they'd prefer to be together though if there was any possibility of that.
Are they of very similar ability, ie likely to be in all the same ability sets? If not, you may not have too much to worry about. My daughter goes to a large comprehensive and has just been put into her final sets. She has 30 lessons a week and there is only one girl who is in 26 of them, most of the other girls she comes across are in about four lessons. My daughter is in the top sets except for PE and she has a friend in most of the top sets in the other band but even so a lot of their homework is different, I guess they will be doing certain topics at different times. If the secondary school is large and has different bands, you could always put a request in for them to be in different ones explaining your reasons why. My daughter was able to request two friends she'd like in her tutor group, so I guess most schools will be flexible if they know in advance.
In the early days there is so much to think about and happening, you will probably find they haven't got much time to think about who is doing what and with whom. When things calm down you may well find that friendships are forming elsewhere anyway. Different tutor groups and lessons will give them different opportunities. For example, my daughter's tutor group is the only one in her house group. Her house group wanted some Y7s to take part in a house languages entertainment and competition, so it was very much limited to a handful of girls. They had to practice every day for three weeks so were only mixing with the girls taking part.
I'm waffling as usual, but hopefully there is something useful here.