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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

my daughter keeps refuseing to go sschool

28 replies

loz12 · 04/02/2012 10:39

my daughter keeps getting exclued from school, she know wot she doing but after getting exclued 3 time she now going to be exclued permently, for mouths i have been asking for help i even called socail s, no will help me , all my daughter dose now is sits in her room 24/7 i have told her i could lose my job because i keep haveing to change my shift so that i can go to the meetings , iam at a point now that there no more i can do. HELP!!!!!1

OP posts:

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rainbowinthesky · 04/02/2012 10:40

How old is she?

Ireallyneedanewname · 05/02/2012 20:18

Please tell me this is a joke...

annh · 06/02/2012 09:30

What age is your daughter? Is she not at school because she is excluded or because he refuses to go - or a mixture of both? What are school proposing to do? Why is she being excluded? More info needed before anyone can make useful suggestions.

loz12 · 13/02/2012 09:06

my daughter is 14 next week its no joke she being exclued for refuseing to to her lessons and if she keeps on she will be kicked out of school iam trying to get in to a new school in hasting its now meaning iam haveing to move home and my job all the school is ging to to is kick her out

OP posts:

loz12 · 13/02/2012 09:07

its no joke i at my wits end as to what to do next

OP posts:

loz12 · 13/02/2012 09:08

she 14 next week

OP posts:

happygardening · 13/02/2012 09:21

No help from social services? I find this hard to believe. When you say refusing to go to lessons what does she do? What are the school doing apart from kicking her out? Is this a long standing problem or come on suddenly? What is the relationship like between you and her can you talk to her does she listen to you?

rainbowinthesky · 13/02/2012 09:26

It's very dificult to advise without a lot more information as already outlined by other posters? Are you thinking she is depressed or has mental health issues?

NJJK · 13/02/2012 10:15

As other posters suggested, you need to find the main cause of her refusal.
You can try guessing for all possible causes by different questions.. like, bullying, boy, freinds, teacher etc. Does she have close freinds? if she does not open up then try approaching her freinds and they might give you a clue. Have a discussion with teacher and ask questions about your daughter's social life in school. Involve a family memebr who is closer to her and she might open up.
It is a difficult situation.... ..sometimes we have to be a lot more than a being just a parent.. like a friend or detective.

blameitonthecaffeine · 13/02/2012 12:01

why would it be a joke?

It sounds like you are in an awful situation. I don't really know how to advise you. I'm sure there must be help out there, certainly from the school if not from social services. The problem is that it isn't always clear how you can access that help. You need some real life help in this area. Could you ask for a meeting with the head of the school and ask for support?

Does your daughter know the conseuqences that her refusal could have for you as well as her? Does she have a reason to really dislike school that could make her want to be excluded (ie, is she behaving badly on purpose?) - eg bullying, academically struggling or very bright and therefore bored?

JuliaScurr · 13/02/2012 12:06

I'm going to do my usual thing: try //youngminds They were great when dd was school refuser

JuliaScurr · 13/02/2012 12:10

www.youngminds.org.uk/about
sorry, previous didn't work

JuliaScurr · 13/02/2012 12:12

You need a school with really good pastoral care; word of mouth is best way to find one, so not easy

cornykabana · 13/02/2012 12:17

I don't understand why this would be considered to be a joke either. There are plenty of posters on here with children who have difficulty attending school. I second Young Minds OP.

cory · 14/02/2012 00:09

Interesting to find that someone being in the same situation as dd must be a joke.

The OP doesn't sound like a troll to me but like somebody at her wits end who simply is not aware of what support she is entitled to. And possibly with a shit school at the other end.

The kind of things I have to tell about dd's previous school sound totally unbelievable, but noone on MN have ever suggested that I am making them up, probably because I know exactly where they were at fault. But I wasn't born knowing that...

OP, first of all, you need to get in touch with the Education Welfare Officer. Explain the situation and make it clear that you desperately need help. Speak to your dd and try to unravel what it is that worries her. Speak to the school nurse/counsellor. See your GP and ask for a referral to CAHMS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Unit) if you think she needs it; they deal with depression and anxiety and phobias.

lisaro · 14/02/2012 00:13

This is bollox if reel sheed nut spell lyk u

lisaro · 14/02/2012 00:14

Aww cory how nice of you to support.............

cory · 14/02/2012 08:24

So how do we know the OP is not genuine, lisaroo? Are we saying that only people who can spell deserve support? There is nothing that says you cannot spell and be a villain. Otoh some people genuinely do use text speech as a habit.

Yes, there is always a risk that any one thread may be a wind-up. But no harm will be done by treating a post as genuine and posting advice which if it is not needed by the OP can help somebody else in a similar situation. There was nothing offensive in the OP.

LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 08:29

Fgs!! Mumsnet at it's WORST, again!! Lisaro, it's posters like YOU who give this site a bad name. Really it is. This place is going to the dogs...

Op, sorry there is so much rudeness on your thread. Have you tried the EWO? Are they threatening court action yet? You could ask school for a managed move. New start perhaps? What do you think her reasons for refusal are?

BellaVita · 14/02/2012 08:34

Lisaro - at your best again eh!

It looks like English is not the OP's first language?

I second getting in touch with the Eduation Welfare Officer (we have one on site in the school I work at) we also have a fantastic counsellor in school two days per week.

OP is there someplace in the school where she could work in smaller groups rather than being in a huge class room?

BellaVita · 14/02/2012 08:36

Is she doing the work at home that the school provide when she is excluded?

JuliaScurr · 14/02/2012 12:57

A word of warning - EWO's are council employees; they are concerned with absenteeism and attendance figures. They will not necessarily be on your side if it means criticising the school. Try phoning any potential alternative schools to get an idea how each would deal with dd

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loz12 · 20/02/2012 10:43

its not a joke i have talked to my daughter and all i get is i hate the school iam now trying to get her in to a new school were she has family and some friends , but it will mean i have to move her to her older sisters that will be 80 mile away from me, i have tryed every thing to help her i have also took her phone and xbox off her , and nowt has workred, she in school now but on the verge of being sent home agiain she lost a year at school now, i have tryed to talk to her, she clams up and dose not wont to talk i have tryed a one on one, she not depressed, she not got any real friends, and she not got a boy frined, i ahve talkto the school , i have tryed every thing in the book iam now tearing me hair out, all i wont is for my to go to school and learn, i have explain what will happen if she dose not go and all i get is it wont happen , so wot else iam i surpose to do

OP posts:

Prolesworth · 20/02/2012 10:51

So sorry you're going through this loz - it's so stressful. Have you already had dealings with the EWO about your daughter's lack of attendance?

Have you got any inkling about why DD is refusing school?

somebloke123 · 20/02/2012 11:06

I wonder whether a visit with her to your GP might help? If she were diagnosed as having some kind of stress condition I think the school might be on shaky ground if it tried to excude her. Also it would show that you were exploring all channels.

Plus a GP would hopefully be knowledgable on what resources exist in your area for this issue, and would have the clout to be able to refer her appropriately and even contact the school.

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