Had to call police last night...

[gonetoofar]

Name changed...

I had to call the police last night. Went out for a drink, came back and my partner had been drinking pintloads of cheap cider.

He started talking to me in a very quiet and threatening voice. He knows better than to breach his previous supervision order for assault (against me)...but I was feeling very scared...

He was saying that I won't take his son away from him...I have a job offer abroad that I am thinking of taking...he then leaned over and tried to snatch my engagement ring off my finger.

He then sat back down and continued to talk to me in a very low and threatening voice, saying he'd been researching my family and mentioned some things about my familys past that I really don't know how he knew.

I felt that he was suggesting he would use this infomation to prevent me from taking our son abroad with me.

He then stood up and brought his face right up to mine and screamed that I was a somethhing or other, frightened the life out of me.

He then became increasing agressive, still talking in the same low voice but repeatedly banging the table, telling me I was going to fail, leaning in very close...I told him that he was scaring me, and he started yelling at me to call the effing police then and see if they laugh me because I'm so pathetic etc etc...

Anyway, I called them and they came because I have a flag thingy on my number from previous incidents. They took him away to his dads.

This morning I've had to bring my son into the office and call my Dad to pick him up...he's coming from wiltshire so he'll be a while. He was going to have him on Monday anyway. My partner is going to be SERIOUSLY pissed when he finally wakes from what I presume is a drunken slumber at his dads house as he hasn't tried to call me. And realises I've packed our son off without him getting to say goodbye. I'll go to stay at a friends tonight before flying out tomorrow and I'm ot back for a week.

I really need some reassurance that I have done the right thing here...have I overreacted? I've given him so many chances I shouldn't have to come home to find him in sole charge of our child, pissed out of his face....

I'm scared

[mumonthenet]

there is no way on earth that you have overreacted.

you did the right thing - you and the police and society in general have to be consistent in telling him his behaviour is unacceptable.

if he wakes up at his dad's to find his sons have gone away without saying goodbye - it is due to his behaviour and nothing else.

you have a right to live free from verbal abuse.

you have a right to protect yourself if you feel frightened.

you have a right, and a duty, to protect your sons from this.

you are amazingly brave. well done.

[pinemartina]

Poor ,poor you.
You have done ABSOLUTELY the right thing.
He has blown his chances now.TOTALLY.
He is responsible for what happened.Only him.
Take the job ,if it is right for you - a fantastic opportunity at this stage ,by the sound of it.
It will hurt.He has let you down.
He must not be left in charge of your child.
Speak to a solicitor and Womens Aid.
Prioritise you and your childs safety.
I am not suprised you are scared.That was a very scary experience.When you feel sad and bothered about HIS feelings,remember the scary feeling.
Take care xxx

[groundhogs]

Absolutely you have done the right thing. You should be proud of yourself, for keeping your cool and doing what needed to be done, in the face of such animosity.

[gonetoofar]

This is reassuring. I'm suffering from serious panic right now...I don't know how I am going to get my stuff out of our flat without him going mental for packing our son off to the safety of my Dads...

I'm at work right now. There is no way he can get into the building but I'm so nervous about what is going to happen. I just wish I was on the plane.

[saddest]

You know you have done the right thing. Keep your head down and drive yourself through these hours and days.

Stuff can be replaced.

You are one brave woman.

[MegSophandEmma]

Could you contact the police before you get home and explain your fears. By doing this I assume that you will gain some reasurrance of protection, should anything happen.

Well done you for taking control

[abbierhodes]

Why are you living with him if he has assaulted you so badly in the past that he has a supervision order?
Why are you refering to him as your partner?

[mumonthenet]

Poor you. Keep brave. Keep strong.

wouldn't someone from the police go round to the flat with you while you collect your stuff? they obviously have you registered as "at risk" or whatever you call it.

Or, take a couple of friends with you.

[mumonthenet]

sorry, I said your sons - just realised it's just one son.

[Snuppeline]

Well done for standing up for yourself! I'm glad you called the police. He probably knows you well enough to know how to scare you best. Was he caring for your child while getting blind drunk, waiting for you to get home so he could lash out at you? If your son was in his care while he was drinking like that, getting aggressive, you shouldn't ever let him have the sole care of your boy ever again. Might he not hurt your son too? At least verbally? You should call the police and ask them to accompany you to empty the flat, at least so you can pack for your trip. While on your trip make a sound plan for what you'll do when you come back, such as whether you should move somewhere else where this guy can't get to you as easily. Have a good trip and best of luck!

[gonetoofar]

abbierhodes:

There is the question that I ask myself constantly. I promised to give him another chance for the sake of our child. The assault was a culmination of weeks of increasingly horrible attacks...but I wanted things to work because I'm a bit pathetic, as he tells me.

But obviously, the past comes back to haunt me on occasions like this. Last night for the first time in a year and half I felt truely frightened for both my son and myself.

[ThatVikRinA22]

if you are worried about his reaction when you go back to get your things then the police can come out and stand by to prevent a breach of the peace. they wont get involved if no offence is committed, but if there is a chance he will kick off then they would at least be on hand and their presence will hopefully prevent him from starting anything.

call the police back and arrange for them to come with you.

[gonetoofar]

Snuppeline:

You know, that IS what it feels like he was doing, waiting for me to come home so he could try his hardest to hurt me and put me down.

His arguement was now I was home and I had been drinking as I had been out, (a couple of glasses of wine, nothing crazy) I was also in charge of our child and I had been drinking. I tried to explain that being drunk in sole charge of a minor is not ideal...but he kept turning it back on me.

I'm sitting at work right now and although your responses are helping I feel like my heart is breaking.

[AnyFucker]

ok, so now you are not ever going to live with him again

and not ever going to refer to him as your partner again

right ?

[gonetoofar]

AnyFucker I don't know! I don't know what I am going to do!!!!!!

I've just handed the tot over to my dad who has driven off with him to take him to his house in Wiltshire. I won't see him for a week. My heart is pounding and I'm sweating and to be honest, freaking out a bit. Have I done the right thing here?

[Doha]

Absolutly the right thing

[pinemartina]

YES ABSOLUTELY

HE IS DANGEROUS

YOUR SON SHOULD NOT SEE HIM ALONE

YOU SHOULD NOT SEE HIM ALONE

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING

ONE SMALL STEP AT A TIME. YOU ARE STRONG AND BRAVE.

ANYFUCKER IS RIGHT

AND YOU WILL BOTH BE OK.YOU WILL.

[cheerfulvicky]

Yes lovely, you have undoubtedly done the right thing. Try and take some deep breaths, stay calm and tell yourself that everything is going to be okay. It doesn't feel like it now, but it will be okay in time. He sounds awful and I wouldn't want him anywhere near my child, drunk OR sober. Take care x

[ChickensHaveSinisterMotives]

You've done the right thing, and surely you know that you cannot stay in a relationship wiith this man, right?

[Alambil]

you can always ring Womens Aid for a friendly ear and support too, don't forget

0808 2000 247

[zabyzoo]

How awful for you - no one deserves abuse.

Make the right stand for you and your son.

Good on you, and good on your Dad!

[Nancy66]

I'd take that job abroad if I were you.

please don't think about getting back together with a man that has already assaulted you twice. The next time may well be in front of your son

[AnyFucker]

do not waver, gonetoofar

if you do...you will be very, very foolish

and settling for a relationship like this will be a very, very bad example to your boy

do you want him to grow up thinking it is ok for him to treat women like this bully does ?

[caughtinafog]

just wanted to add support to you that you have done the right thing. How dare he, bloody bully....

I think a good question to ask yourself is, in say 6 mths-1 yrs time, will you look back & wish you stayed ? I don't think so...move away & move on...

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

You have definitely done the right thing. I know you will be doubting yourself, wondering if it is your fault, have you done the right thing. That is what he does - he gets inside your head. However, by being violent and threatening he has waived any rights over you or your son.

As someone else has already mentioned give Womens Aid a phone 0808 2000 247. You will benefit from real life support as well as all the support you will get here.

Keep talking to people, don't let the doubts you are feeling get control - you DID DO THE RIGHT thing - what you need to do now is to keep moving forwards, build on what you have already achieved, and work towards permanent safety and happiness for you and your son.