How would this make you feel? Am I right to feel real damage has been done or am I being unreasonable?
My relationship with dh has been difficult for some years. Our problems began when our youngest ds was diagnosed with a genetic condition - not life-threatening nor particularly serious, but enough to leave him with a slight disability, which he copes brilliantly with.
Anyway, when he was about two I became massively broody. At first my dh agreed to have another child, but then changed his mind.
I was broody to the point of crying at nappy adverts and unable to even look down the baby goods aisle at the supermarket. Dh was completely unable to cope with this and offered very little in terms of emotional support.
I begged and pleaded with my dh for another child, but he was unprepared to take the risk of having another child with the same condition as ds2. I asked him to sort out some genetic counselling (I wasn't that bothered, as I was fully prepared to go ahead with having another child regardless) which he promised to do, but again didn't.
All of the above isn't the real problem, though. I appreciate that he was entitled to his feelings and that you shouldn't bring a child into the world unless it's wanted by both parents.
The thing I can't get my head around is that while all this was going on, he continued to not use any contraception when we had sex. On one occasion I actually did become pregnant but had a very early miscarriage.
This led me to believe he was feeling ambivalent about the baby issue, and I think I went a bit crazy, buying pregnancy tests every bloody week and living in constantly dashed hope. He knew this was going on, yet still avoided using contraception or having a vasectomy.
This has been going on for about the last six or seven years, and now I don't feel remotely broody any more - particularly as our marriage is not now in the best state. But he still refuses to get a vasectomy. He says that he doesn't want to do anything as permanent as that until our marriage is on firmer ground - which I interpret as "I don't want any more children - with you".
So now I have had the contraceptive jab (which is, it has to be said, largely academic at the moment) which annoys me because I feel that yet again the responsibility is on me to act.
I'm so confused, as when I try to tell him how hurt I was by all the above, he tells me that having sex with no contraception was a choice we both made, rather than something he did to me, ifswim. But surely he must have known I was living in hope?
He won't even apologise or try to see it from my point of view. He just gets defensive and says "Well I suppose I could have handled it better."
Am so confused. Must add, I'm not perfect, and whatever problems we have are not all his fault. But I'm struggling to get past this.
Sorry it's long. Any contributions are gratefully received.
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Relationships
Can I have some opinions on this, please?
Bobbiewickham · 17/12/2009 13:21
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