Mumsnet Talk

What does it mean to you? What if one person doesn't realise, are they still a soul mate? Do you give them time? How do you know who your soul mate is? TIA

There is no such thing, there are just a reasonable number people who are attractive to you and compatible with you and available to you: whichever one you hook up with first when you are looking for a long term relationship will do just fine. If you think someone is your 'soul mate' and s/he is not interested in a relationship with you, then leave him/her alone. 'But you're my soul mate' is the sort of justification used by abusers.

I don't think you can just decide that someone is your soulmate, or Mr Right, or whatever. You go into relationships with people, and decide whether it works between you. If it works, and you're both heading the same direction together, then you'll manage to keep it working. Sorry if that sounds unromantic - I don't mean you can't fall in love, but making a relationship work is about all the stuff that happens after that feeling wears off and you see each other, warts and all, and decide to make a go of it anyway because it's worth it.

I was in a relationship for 5yrs and we called each other a soul mate, just meant deep connection really.

I am now married to another man I love deeply and passionately and he feels the same, we feel our souls match but it doesn't lessen how I felt about the other man.

It was meaningful and right for that time and my marriage is right now.

So I don't believe there is just one soul mate for wach of us, there are many who suit us and feel right at different times.

well, I find it difficult to believe that I met my "soulmate" within my small town and usual circle of friends...

I reckon my true soulmate is really a native of Papua New Guinea and wears a grass skirt to go to work in...

< gnashes teeth >

Hmm, interesting.

There are some people we get on better with than others and share understanding. Don't know about soulmates

It's very important to remember that just because you are in love with a person, that person is not obliged to be in love with you or have anything to do with you.

lolol anyfucker. You are right, it is statistically highly improbable.

I hate the expression 'soul mate' with a passion. I don't believe in 'the one' either.

I think we meet people and we fall in and out of love.

I recon my soul mate's Orlando Bloom, he just hasn't met me yet

One of my friends was madley in love with her soul mates and he kept rejecting her, in the end he saw the light and they're happily married now, he wouldn't have it any other way.

I believe my husband and I are soulmates But I also believe in non-romantic soul mates IYSWIM. I met a guy on a train four years ago and we are oddly connected and yet have no romantic feelings. That was the only time we've ever been together in person, but we keep in touch via emails a few times a year. The same things happen in our lives at the same time, etc. It's all very odd.

Anyfucker - you make me think of a very old song, by a chap called "Wreckless Eric" . He reckons the one right girl for him "probably lives in Tahiti"

song lyrics

i believe in soul mates.

ying and yang and all that....

however I also believe it is extremely unlikely we will ever meet them

I don't know if I believe in soul mates as I'm just too realistic. I wish I could be that romantic!

Here is the definition in wiki - lovely!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soul_mate

I do think, however, that there are not that many people out there that are compatible, ie that you meet at the right time and that love you as much as you love them and that love lasts forever..

no no 'soul mate' 'the one' or any other such romantic notion, I think these ideas are actually quite dangerous

If you think like that you have to believe in some kind of deity who sits up there designing people to fit with other people and engineering it so they meet somehow. Sound likely?
'Soulmates' are people who click very well, share interests and worldviews, enjoy each other's company and have good sexual chemistry, as well as being ready to settle down at the same time. That could apply to tens, hundreds, thousands of people for each of us.
Waiting for your 'soulmate' to realise he is such is just...mad. If you have made a play for someone and they are not interested you move on. Don't hang around in the hopes that some cosmic force will make him realise he's meant for you. Ain't gonna happen. He might change his feelings for you, but he very well might not.

AMIS: Ooh, I had forgotten that song, used to love it when I was a teenager (partly because it drove my mother batshit).

Anonymous85: Hmm. I wouldn't be that surprised if he doesnt fuck off with someone else in the future, claiming he only married your mate to stop her pestering him.
You see, I think it's not at all a good idea to encourage people to persist in chasing someone who has said 'No' more than once. It's harassment, not 'Romance', and while it is possible to wear down the resistance of a weak-willed person s/he may well come to resent you, and if the chosen 'soulmate' is actually an unscrupulous individual, s/he may well consent to a relationship because s/ thinks 'well this person is so desperately in love with me that s/he will do anything I want.'

AMIS, spot on lol

< packs bags for Papua New Guinea >

I'm trying to think of anything to write that won't make me sound completely bonkers, so I won't bother .

Suffice to say that I think soulmates can and do exist.

mal, I think we all know where you would stand on this one

I can't see how someone can be a soul mate if it's not mutual on both sides, you may have alot in common with someone, feel like you have known them forever and really enjoy their company but if they loose that 'spark' then it's a doomed 'soul mate' so therefore not a soul mate at all, just someone you have a connection with. Am I wrong or is one person just kidding themselves?

I think one person would always be kidding themselves. You can't just decide that another person is "meant" to be with you. It has to be mutual.