Though I just looked on FB and he has deleted her, so looks like he's going to stand by his word... we shall see.

Thanks happywoman. Means a lot to me.

And my thoughts exactly. I told him at the weekend I don't want him saying things because he thinks that's what I want to hear. Hopefully he'll understand that at least and I won't have to resurrect this thread again!

Thanks again

he seems to be talking the talk - he now needs to walk the walk.

Hope he can do that for you.

Take care and good luck

Thanks HappyWoman.

Well on the Sunday I spoke to him about the whole gym thing with his friend. That caused enough problems as it was. He reacted really badly to it, got angry, said he was sick of us not just being able to be happy and that things kept coming up. I agreed with him, but obviously he wasn't seeing my side of things. I asked him if he could see my pov and he said no, so I gave up.

The following day, he was at mine whilst I was at uni. I texted him and told him about the letter I had wrote him, as I hadn't gotten round to sending it to him. I told him where to find it and to read it before I got back. He was quiet for a while and then said he was thinking of going back to his parents to think things over. I said okay, and rang my best friend (luckily this was all on my lunch break) and so was able to talk about it and not have it stored up. DP then said he wasn't going to go back to his parents, he was going to come into town and wait until I finished uni.

So when I left, we met up, it was very awkward. I didn't want to start the conversation so waited for him. He asked me what we were going to do about things because he felt neither of us could carry on like we were for much longer. I agreed but didn't answer his question as I felt I had said enough and wanted him to do the talking for a change.

So he then said to me about how much he loves me, and the last thing he wants to do is hurt me. So he said that he felt if his friendship with this woman was hurting our relationship, then it wasn't worth it so he was going to stop talking to her, and delete her off FB and MSN etc. He said he wasn't doing it because he knew that was what I really wanted, but because he wanted to make things better, and he said he promised he would. He wants us to talk about things more properly tomorrow as he had to go for an emergency dentist appointment, so had to go home early, but said he promises he'll come home and talk to me. So at the moment, I feel okay. Don't want to hold my breath obviously as I've been in this position before, but obviously if he can show me he is determined to do this and show me he has, then maybe it'll be okay. But like I said, I'm still on the fence about it all until I see changes.

Good luck with the talk

Let us know how it goes.

Yeah I am worried about that, as when I try to talk to him and explain things, he tends to think I mean something completely different. I've read it over and over and to me it makes sense, but obviously it would do! I suppose I'll just send it and hope for the best.

stay strong

I think it would be fair to email it to him so he can have time to read it without you asking him about it. Then you can sit down when he gets home and ask him what he feels.

Remeber though that he may read something different to what you are trying to say.

Okay I've decided to either send the email to him the night before he comes home, or wait until he is home, ask him to read it and go out for half hour or something.

When I speak to him, I want to make it clear to him that if he doesn't be honest with me like I've asked him to, then we will go to counselling. Hopefully that will open his eyes to how serious I am, as he knows I've been through counselling before and don't like relying on other people to help me.

Like I said hopefully this will make it more real to him how serious I am. Maybe it won't. If it doesn't, I will still keep to my word and arrange relationship counselling, but I will also consider my options as to our future as if he's not willing to work with me, then there's not much of a future for us is there? I hate this part

Thanks happywoman. I know you're right. I have just sat here for the past hour typing out a long message to him. 5 pages long so far in fact. I talked about the gym and the woman and what I want from him. I even mentioned emotional affair in it, and put a link in that describes what one is exactly. Maybe that will open his eyes... I'm considering sending it just so he can read it and then talk to him properly when I see him next.

But I know I have to do something now, whether it's the way I want it to go or not, as I don't want to put up with it. I have enough stress as it is without worrying about our relationship too.

I think you are feeling like this for a reason.
He really is not showing your feelings much respect is (even if he does not agree with them). He shows he is willing to overlook how you feel for his own agenda. He is going to do what he wants regaurdless of you.

You can either put up with that or do something about it now.

good luck.