Hi OP I haven't read the whole thread yet, will do that ASAP. My P is emotionally, sometimes physically abusive. I won't let him kiss me, though we do have sex. Kissing is very intimate, and I don't want him near me. Your bloke is punishing you as part of the abuse, to make you feel upset and rejected. This is typical. Will read it all when the kids stop whittering on!

sorry.... I had to cut short as H was coming into the room! I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, especially because you still love him. I've been there.. just like you.. many years ago. And the kissing stopped short just like that, and then SEX started being more his 'preference' everytime. And now it's ALWAYS his preference.

I feel for you, because I know how hurtful it is. Really, really hurtful, like your insides are being pulled out. I remember that feeling all to well....

Please know that it isn't your fault.. it's his issue, and who knows why they do this??

That's why I asked if he shows other signs of emotional abuse.. if you've only been together for a short time (few years) then it could be the 'very' beginning stages of abuse.. OR I could be totally wrong, but the fact that he just stopped cold like that leads me to believe that it could be more..

If I were to do it all over again......... I would have left my H. long ago when he first stopped the affection and intimacy. Now I'm a co-dependent, and need to leave.

Hello jaydulwich, if you don't mind my asking... has he shown any other signs of 'meaness'?? Forgive me, as I'm in a mood tonight.. but I think it's so selfish of them..

Is he doing this to punish you??

hello , my dp , hasnt kissed me for nearly a year and 7 months and the last time he did he was a bit drunk and yes its very hurtful for me as i love to kiss the man i love and for no reason he just stopped. i have told him how i feel yet he does nothing

CherryChoc, I feel for your situation as well. Even though it's different, if we really think about it,.... it's the same because you still don't get intimacy, just groping... perhaps you should try and cut him off until he 'gets it', or understands what you mean by intimacy., i've heard of your situation before also.... I'm pretty sure that counselling would help for sure, because at least the will is there, and he 'wants' to kiss.. even though he doesn't know when to quit!!!

Ya, I was on the other EA thread, I hop on when I'm feeling down and need to talk, because it keeps me sane. (if that's the spelling)
thank-you FoxinSocks, I tend to (like the rest of us mums) forget about myself, and only focus on everyone around me. Guess we need to look out for ourselves as well, otherwise what good will we be if / when we crumble???

I will research aspergers / autism, it's a good point, but think it's more cultural thing rather. He is very old-school traditional (insert his race here) and it stems back from his father. He is, and I've told him this, a carbon-copy of his father. I remember listening to his dad going-off on his wife for hours, and hours. Didn't understand what he was saying, but I sure got the tone. His mum would just sit and listen to it, because that's what you do. So.......... that's more than likely why.

My thing is that I am so darned proud, that I don't want to go to therapy (again...) because the way I see it is you can't MAKE someone want to kiss you right??? I don't want him to force himself to want to be face to face with me, or 'intimate'. So I know I have to leave and end the relationship, and try to carry on with my life because I feel like it's on hold right now. I can't possibly think of the future, and that's not right either.

Op i remember you from the Ea thread.
I noticed some posters comment about the no kissing,,no sex face to face.
I was like this, it was actually me who refused to kiss him and didnt really want to be intimate with him.

Looking back this was for a variety of reasons, i couldnt be affectionate with him as it would lead to groping and letchy type behaviour, he was also extremeley emotonally abusive, although i didnt recognise this at the time.

However, since then, i have dated, and find myself not wanting to kiss whatsoever.Maybe its an intimacy thing for me now.
No use whatsoever, just thinking out loud, sorry .

Cherrychoc this is a fairly common problem, and a key factor in it is: does your H pull his wieght domestically? If he doesn't, then it's no wonder you don't want sex; sex has become one more service he expects from you.

I think in my case it is that DP needs sex to feel loved & valued and therefore relax enough to be intimate, but I need the intimacy there before I even vaguely want the sex so we are at a stalemate. He thinks that sex is intimacy so doesn't seem to understand when I try to explain.

Oh, and he was emotionally very, very controlling.

Funny, he is a terrific friend. Functions normally, excels in his job. But the autistic tendencies are there. And unless your other half doesn't find you attractive anymore, or you have some sort of mad halitosis problem, I would put money on the fact that he suffers from what my ex does.

God, I'm identifying with threads left, right and centre tonight!

Yes, been exactly where you are. Six years ago I lived with a man for 3 years. Wemaybe kissed for the first few months, then ...nothing. He would turn his head, or purse his lips, or tense up.. or just act revolted.

You know why?

Turns out he was on the Aspergers/autism spectrum. He self diagnosed himself in the end. This man is still a friend of mine today and a high ranking police officer, but he could not do intimacy. Sex, yes. Kissing, no. I went through agonies over it and in the end I dumped him.

Happy to chat more if you like.