Understand why you are disappointed and upset, but if you are having a wedding that requires a large number of your guests to travel, stay in hotels etc. you have to factor in that many wont be able to come.

Having a smaller wedding was a bonus imo. We had about 45 guests and I felt like I really got to relax and spend the day with everyone, in stead of feeling pressured to get around and fit in a brief 'hello' with everyone.

I've been to large weddings where I've had a brief coversation with the bride and groom to congratulate them and that was it. A bit crap really!

Is there an area nearby that would have accommodation? You could organise transport to and from your wedding for any guests staying further away. Our reception venue was a bit off the beaten track and we organised mini buses. Worked out really well. No harm in looking into some alternative options for your friends and seeing if it makes it easier for them to attend .

At the end of the day, the guests that are coming are the ones that are important. Focus on them and yourselves and you will have a memorable celebration.

Expat - I did not say EVERYONE does not go to a wedding because they could not be bothered - that is what you assumed when you read my post. As for people with financial limitations who on their right mind would have a go at ANYONE who could not afford to go to a wedding? I certainly would not. As I said, you pointed that out as a potential issue and I pointed out the could not be bothered issue. I am very well aware of financial limitations but have also experienced people's apathy through my own life so I KNOW it exists. I also said in my last post that it is not down to the guests if the couple choose to get into debt for their wedding (You chose to repeat that at the beginning of your post.)

Cat64 - the petrol would not be much more than that - having just driven a round trip of 500 miles myself in the last 24hours. As for the accommodation, I take your point. It was more trying to convey an attitude rather than specific figures if somebody really had to budget and wanted to go to the wedding, then it could be done. However if "everyone" is as skint as others seem to be making out and nobody is truly capable of "can't be bothered" as we would be encouraged to believe then this couple will be lucky if ANYONE turns up at their wedding!

Don't cancel your wedding - people that want to be there will. It is your big day, enjoy it!

Fruity - your sums just don't add up. 3 nights accommodation for 5 people is not going to come in at £30. The petrol's going to be more than that I'd have thought, for most family cars. There are the other meals to be paid for. I can't see £30 covering the bidget for 'drinks / incidentals' for 5 people either.
I agree it is a good idea if you are asking guests to travel to a place they don't know, to enclose a list of a range of accommodation with the invites, and to get the invites out very early, with a note or verbal message that they should be aware it's a BH weekend, so might want to look at accomm. now rather than later. That way, people could have known 4 - 6 months ago about what they were actually agreeing to, rather than vaguely thinking it would be a nice idea to go to OPs wedding without thinking practically about the realities.If they decide then they can't really justify it, then OP knows months in advance and makes decisions based on that.
However, I don't think you should cancel - you should talke to the caterers / restaurent about your new numbers (it's still 7 weeks away) and enjoy the day with your relatives and friends from home, then accept the offer of a party when you get back. Enjoy your day

Could you not just hire a coach to get them there and bring them home on the same night? Ask them to chip in with the cost, then no one will miss the wedding and they can all drink as no one will be driving.

Fruiysunshine did you actually read any of my posts, as a B&B owner I would expect a 3 night stay over a bank holiday weekend as would all the B&B owners that I know.

If people chose to go into debt over a wedding that's their lookout and their invitees surely shouldn't feel beholden to overstretch themselves financially in a dire economy because of that.

I felt you were very derogatory as well, basically labelling anyone who isn't willing to spend money they truly may not have to go to a wedding as just not wanting to be bothered and therefore less of a mate.

That's certainly not true for everyone.

Well, you have all backed up my reasoning actually. I highlighted one particular reason for people not attending. I say some can't be bothered and others say some can't afford it, totally agree with you but they are BOTH potential reasons. We have 5 kids and I know lots about travelling with many stops and trying to locate accommodation but life is what you make it and if you allow yourself to be held back due to lack of money or the hassle of travelling with multiple children then that's down to you. I still maintain that some people genuinely think "it's too much hassle".

"It's not a matter of saving, in this economy, some have nothing to save, much less for someone's friggin' wedding!" Said with such a derogatory tone Expat, let's home you don't feel that way about the next person who invites you to a wedding which THEY may have put themselves in debt for (even though you did not ask them too, I know!) and believed you are close enough to them to invite.

Anyway, I think weddings are wonderful events whether they are huge or small - it is a brand new start for 2 people.

Having a wedding over a bank holidfay weekend is just not a good idea.

and if you do have any to spare, that's what you need it for (i hear ya, we need to get the radiator on our 13-year-old car replaced Monday when DH doesn't need it to get to work).

anything spare you have to put away it strictly for emergencies.

hundreds of pounds on a wedding or anything that's not essential just doesn't figure into a lot of peoples' budgets in this economy.

and if you do have any to spare, that's what you need it for (i hear ya, we need to get the radiator on our 13-year-old car replaced Monday when DH doesn't need it to get to work).

anything spare you have to put away it strictly for emergencies.

hundreds of pounds on a wedding or anything that's not essential just doesn't figure into a lot of peoples' budgets in this economy.

Absolutely agree with you expat. £10 a month doesn't sound a lot, but to some, it is very difficult if not impossible to find that amount 'spare'. especially if you have several children who always seem to need new shoes etc at the same time or other unexpected expenses arise, like the exhause falling off your 13 year old car and needing to be replaced, or the council tax goes up as do all other household bills, whilst your income remains the same or even goes down. It all sounds so easy to say,'it's only £10 a month', but the reality, for many, is very different.

'some people just can't be bothered I think.'

Some people can't afford it as well as everything else.

It's not a matter of saving, in this economy, some have nothing to save, much less for someone's friggin' wedding!

£30 for a B&B?! Where? Over a bank holiday weekend in August for a family of 4 or 5. LOL.

Maybe you see a wedding as something that's worth spending hundreds of pounds on.

Others don't or they simply don't have that kind of money due to their circumstances.

Fruity, the Op said that it is five of her friends, plus their husbands and children. Whilst your idea of car sharing is perfectly sensible, I doubt that any of them are able to double up because of the numbers involved. ie, an average of over 6 people per family. Even if they chose to drive there and back in a day because 'it's not that far', assuming they are able to drive at the maximum speed allowed on our roads, that still equates to three hours each way, minimum. When my kids were young, I could never have driven for that length of time without at least one stop, which of course adds time to the journey. The cost of train travel is also prohibitive. Especially when you are talking about a family travelling together, it would probably csot as much as the three night hotel accommodation that the friends are having difficulty affording.

I do sympathise with the OP, but I also think she has to accept that her friends can't make the wedding for very sound reasons which are not intended as a snub to her. They are probably also feeling bad that they can't be there. In the same circumstances I would not be able to afford it and would feel terrible about it, but I would not be prepared to go into debt for it.

A wedding is the start of a marriage and is about you and your partner not who will or wont come, it is nice to share the day with people but it is not a show off fest and if you and your DP love each other then that is all that matters, thinking of calling off a wedding because there will not be enough people there to watch you get married is just stupid and maybe you should look at your reasons for getting married, if that is how you feel

A wedding is stressful enough without constantly trying to solve everyone else's problems. The amount of time, effort and money people spend on organising their weddings is for "their" big day of their lives and my opinion is that guests should be really happy to be invited and witness such an event at the couple's expense.

If they are unable to get themselves on a train or car share to get there (200 miles is not THAT far) the accept their decision and focus on finalising your day with the guests that HAVE managed to make it.

Personally if I want to do something time, distance or money don't stop me. I just plan well in advance. A B&B is cheaper than a hotel so £40 for fuel £30 for b&b, plus another £30 for incidentals/drinks = £100 for travel, board and the event itself. Save up £10 a month for 10 months in advance and you have your money.

some people just can't be bothered I think.

Would it be at all possible to arrange a coach to take your guests to the wedding, and back home afterwards? OK it's 400 miles in one day, but folk could mostly be snoozing on the way home.

miserable gits. it's not that far FFS.

we had to slep of to Italy to SIL wedding last year with 2 kids, it was a total nightmare from start to finish, but the wedding was fab and I am glad we nearly bankrupted ourselves getting there!

go with the flow. YOU are the one's that matter. Screw Them.

I am so sorry that they have all been changing their minds like that.

I have not attended weddings in the past simply because of the distance (so time to travel + 2 nights in a hotel + childcare issues), so I do understand how people less close to you wouldn't feel able to come - it will cost them hundreds of pounds. I'm sure a lot of these people would love to come to your wedding but time and finances simply won't allow. I have, seriously, attended some weddings that cost me more than a holiday abroad! I don't think a lot of people realise that until the really start looking into it more seriously.

I only had 23 people, including DH and myself, and it was great! 34 is plenty for a really good 'do'. I like the suggestion of a post honeymoon party if you feel the need. Don't lost sight of what you are really doing though - making a lifelong declaration of love and commitment to the man you love, as long as he is there then....

I never said the OP had bad mates, I just think if they are a group of close friends, it's easy to fall into a group mentality. It's also not very nice of your friends to then say they'll help you rearrange it for their benefit.

My PIL had a second wedding type event in my dh home town because we limited the amount of people they were aloud to invite.

If the OP's friends really have tried everywhere and still can't find accomadation then a party when they get back from honeymoon may be the best plan.

None of my friends or relatives had their wedding anywhere other than where they now lived. I suppose many of them were older (late 20s/30s) and had been living together for a while. It never occurred to me to have a wedding near my parents, I suppose if you are young and have just moved away from your parents it makes more sense.

I think it's fairly common to have your wedding where you grew up rather than where you currently live 2rebecca.

Fruity - you're right, and it's not even just 34 people who are travelling, there's also lots of family who do live near to where the wedding is, it's not as if the wedding has suddenly halved in number.

The scenario of planning wedding in Italy and then changing their minds when poeple couldn't come presumably happened at a much earlier stage of the planning procedure. If the guests had said straight away 'that doesn't work for us' then maybe the date/venue would have been reconsidered (of course that's easier when it's obviously not going to work out eg Italy rather than unexpected things eg B&B insisting on 3 night stay)

If I was 1 of the 34 who had paid a deposit on accommodation I would be displeased if you cancelled and I wouldn't come to a rearranged wedding because I would feel my attendance at your wedding obviously wasn't valued as much as other peoples. Have a party for the folk who can't come. Why are you having it 200 miles away? Don't most people have their weddings near where they live unless they're eloping abroad?

Muddy - why would you cancel it for 36 people who are not coming for whatever reason when 34 people are more than happy to make the effort to travel to see you be married? I say go ahead, have the lovely day you want and believe me you will hardly have time to see all your guests individually anyway!

We had 60 initially coming and on the day 32 turned up. We had them all round one HUGE oval table and it was totally fantastic! I did not give a thought all day to the people that did not come. What mattered to me was the people that were there to see me and DH get married and that they all had a great time! Not to mention I bagged myself a rather handsome, very sexy husband in the process!

Fruitysunshine

Confuzzled - anywhere regardless of the most expensive hotel or a plain old B&B very very rarely do a one night booking on a bank holiday weekend.

I would cancel and rebook nearer where everybody lives.

My cousin did this. They were inviting 200 people to their wedding, in Rome (fgs!!) and upon realizing that only around 20 of close family and friends wanted/prioritised/could afford to fly out to Rome, changed it around completely and had 170 guests in the brides home town, so most could come. Everybody was really pleased that the wedding couple were so considerate of their guests that they moved their wedding date and venue to suit more people.

You would not be "bailing out", neither do you seem needy, you would appear to be very caring and considerate.

I feel sorry for the OP, and I agree it might be rude to have verbally agreed and then back out, but there may have been valid reasons for this.

and it doesn't make them all bad mates.

hope she enjoys her day, though.

Expat, your probably right, I'm in a crap mood today and am being a grumpy bugger.

Wow, Confuzzled, I'm a pretty pessimistic and cynical person, but what a negative, despairing view to take of one's mates.

Maybe some folks really don't have the money. At all. They had it for one night and that's it. They have several kids.

Maybe they have money problems and they're private people, or embarrassed or ashamed and don't want to share it with the world.

Maybe their job's at risk and they are afraid to part with any money that's not entirely necessary, or their car's about to blow up and money's tight.

What a Bridezilla way to look at things.

I got married abroad and the friends who cam were the ones who could afford/wanted to. Those who didn't were the ones who couldn't afford it/had other priorities. Fine. It didn't make them crap friends.
It's shitty that they said yes and waited to cancel but it's very reasonable that when they sat and worked it all out they had a heart attack at the cost and can't afford it. Don't take it personally and enjoy the wedding.

Sorry not read the whole thread, I'm just on my way out but wanted to comment on something.

I come from a tourist village, the big hotels cost a fortune on bank holidays but there are hundreds of B&B's not to mention bunk houses and friends who'd be willing to let out there spare rooms.

If there is over 30 of them they could get together and rent a big house. They could put tents up in the garden for the kiddies, it's August after all. Also tourist resorts are always surrounded by caravan sights, whats wrong with a caravan for a couple of nights.

It sounds like your mates are trying to get together and rearrange your wedding for their convenience which is bloody unfair.

It's a group mentality thing as well, one of them will have looked for accomidation and told the rest it was too expensive. The others will just accept it because people tend to do whats easy especially when they've got kids and money to worry about.

If I was you I'd have a look into it, get your family to do some research too and then tell your mates. They'll probably see they've been a bit silly and not looked into it properly.

Phew hullygully, thought you meant they should book for everyone, what a nightmare that would be!

Giving out suggestions is just polite when they don't know the area and you (presumably) do.

TA - yes, meant that. Give them a list of choices and options so they can choose.

Ooh there was someone on here who was going to be on it and had bridesmaid troubles. I think you have banged the nail on the head Bof.

Julezboo, are you going to be on Don't Tell The Bride?

<also wants to know more anout Julezboo's story>

I think if poeple are travelling fo rthe wedding you shouldn't have to actually arrage their accommodation, but it is good to say 'here is a travelodge, this B&B is nearby, etc'.

Ssshhh - I think the hosts (bride and groom) should arrange the accommodation, yes. We did for ours, and so has e.one I know. Why give them a complete and expensive nightmare just because you want to get married?

If you want them to come, make it possible. Tis courtesy.

Isn't there are travel lodge type places around where the wedding is?

I would too like to know more about the Julezboo bridesmaid story.

Tis a shame this has happened to you but I think you should have taken a lot of this into consideration when organising the whole thing. I had a winter wedding and although originally I was goign to have it around xmas time I decided to move it to early Jan to save money and so the hotel we were getting married in would be almost empty and the accommodation was much cheaper. Weddings are expensive for people to attend and as much as it is your day it is also about them celebrating with you so you have to factor their needs into your planning. Of course they all like you but times are tough financially anyway and you can't expect people to get themselves into debt to attend your wedding. Yes they were a bit rubbish saying yes but as many people have said it is not like it was made clear to them at the start that it would be so expensive and accommodation would be so hard to find. Either you need to get involved now and find places for them to stay or you have to accept that you will be having a small wedding. I think the party suggested sounds lovely if people feel bad that they can't make it.

Weddings are funny things anyway - they mean the world to the couple getting married but not so much to many other people. 8 people who rsvped didn't turn up to our wedding. Typically they were all sitting on the same table of 8 so we had one empty table. Was slightly embarassing but we shrugged it off and enjoyed ourselves anyway. Of course I am not really on good terms with those people anymore but that really did take the piss!

You will have a wonderful day anyway so just make the most of it for what it is

hullygully...the bride should arrnage accomodation for the guests .

what else should she do..? share the room and foot the bill..

Not the brides role imo, yeah sure she can make people alware of hotels etc available in the area but thats all..in fact thats just a nice gesture and not necessary.

Our friends wedding at the weekend, we only booked the room the night before we went and we didn't speak to the bride or groom about hotels etc nearby. Just called the place where the wedding was and asked rates and booked. Simple.

Go ahead enjoy your wedding with those that attend and then enjoy the other party later. It's harder getting accomodation for families with children anyway as some places don't have family rooms and then you want interconnecting rooms, I can understand why your close friends decision. I had two wedding celebrations, one main one and one smaller one, a month apart, it's about sharing the clebration, it doesn't have to be on the day, thinking like that is bridezilla-ish in my opinion, after, when your wedding's over, life goes on and your true good friends will still be there for you, even if they didn't traipse many miles just to see and hear you say I do, it doesn't mean they love you any less.

While it is horrid that this has happened, you should have arranged the accommodation, got lists of possibles, circulatd them, made the arrangements. You'll prob find that your friends are thinking that you don't care much about them as you expect them to do and pay so much...Have a nice time with your family and a lovely party later.

Julezboo, if you were the bride why did you allow someone else to fire your bridesmaid who was a friend? That sounds very strange, I never realised you could be fired from being a bridesmaid, think I'd have been upset if a friend who was a bride did that to me/ allowed someone to do that to me.

I wouldn't want to have to pay alot of money just to go to a wedding unless it was immediate family or best friend. If you invited 70 then alot of these aren't going to be in these categories. Having a wedding during school holidays sound tricky if it's a tourist area. Everyone here goes elsewhere in summer so I expectI'd have no problem re accommodation, just people deciding they don't want to arrange their holiday round my wedding. It's your big day but for most folk going to a wedding it's not theirs.
The wedding shouldn't be about the guests though, it should be about you and your husband. It would never have occurred to me to cancel either of my weddings just because it wasn't a popular event or people couldn't afford to come. That is the least important part of the wedding.
If you love your man and want to be married for it go for it.

I had some people who didn't turn up, I had family fights cause so and so wasn't invited, unhappy guests that only children of immediate family invited etc etc Still the best day of my life (bar DD of course) and even though a fews things didn't go to plan I refuse to allow anything to rid my day!

I had some people phoning the night before the wedding to drop out, and even one person who just failed to show up without letting us know! Let it wash over you - the people who are really important will be there.

But then, I'd have said no from the outset as any fool realises accommodation during August is really expensive.

'If I was invited to a wedding then I would factor it into my holiday arrangements for that year.'

At lot of people are not in a position to have any holiday arrangements at present.

I love to camp, but man, if it's going to get any hotter than this I wouldn't want to do it and have to get all dressed up for a wedding, tbh.

Will any of these guests consider camping or shared accomodation? If I was invited to a wedding then I would factor it into my holiday arrangements for that year.

To be honest, I wouldn't arrange a seperate knees up for them later. They either go, or they miss it, but I am harsh!

Don't cancel. IMO the ones that are there are the ones that matter.

They have know when the wedding is for a while so have known about booking accomodation etc. This pettiness annoys me about weddings...

We were guests at a wedding at the wkd, not local and dh is friends with the groom. It was me who suggested us staying the night before so it wasn't a rush with the dk's (2&4) and in fact once there it was me who suggested us staying the night of the wedding (I have arranged way before the wedding to see take that so were all going and coming away after the wedding breakfast).
In fact dh & the dk's stayed and I drove back after the concert.A 2 hour round trip BUT I wanted to do it as I knew what its like to be a bride.

BTW,I wasn't ahy better thought of by the bride BUT I was glad I did it as at least dh stayed which was the main bit iykwim.

Think, what im trying to say is: if they are true friends they will do their upmost to get there.

I wouldn't arrnage another do after and I wouldn't try and rearrange locally. Their issue if they miss out. Their loss at seeing you as a gorgeous bride..

Have a lovely day and believe me, on the day you won't give a damn about them not being there.
Remember the reason you are getting married...to show your commitement to your df not your friends

No most guests we have phoning for rooms want to come down and arrive about 11am (which means that we can't let the room on Friday) and go on Sunday.

Around here it really is only the crappiest B&B's that will do a one night stay as they are probably the last one anyone calls.

Is it a university town or near one? Often the halls of residence are available during summer and pretty cheap for a couple of nights.

Enjoy Saturday Julez

I agree with WildSeaHorses.
I thought people had weddings on BH weekends so everyone had time to travel to and from the wedding - you just can't win!
Not everywhere requires a two / three night stay - bet I could find somewhere nearby that will let you do one night.

Ahh Muddy, as a fellow bride I totally sympathise with you!! I had around 10 guests pull out last month (my day is this saturday) I was gutted! It was all because of a stupid mistake I made making a friend (ex friend) a bridesmaid, she pulled out taking a load of guests with her because she was fired (nothing to do with me mind!)

You will still have a fab day, can you not fill those spaces? I didnt think i could and I have managed it, I know my number pulling out was less than yours.

The tears are normal too, i cried on Saturday because my two BM's where ill and i didnt want to pick my dress up on my own, i ended up taking my son and my MIL, i had a lovely time )

I also cried tonight because... I am tired and hot and bothered and a baby obviously lol!

Just enjoy your day, have the second celebration if you want it, i am sure they are all feeling awful about not being there!!

I'm sure i'd have said yes- having no idea i'd be stung for 3 nights' stay over a BH weekend.
I'd have worked that out closer to the time and freaked.. as it seems your friends have.

somebody else said it cxould well come up to 500-1K which is sadly true for a family.

I'm sure i'd have said yes happily and then feel dreadful letting you down- but it all adds up to alot of money and sometimes you have to put family first.

I do hope you feel better about it- it must be a real let down.

I imagine everyone is a bit hard up at the moment and if it's 200 miles to travel and 3 nights in a hotel, plus a present, that could well add up to nearly £1,000.

How about booking a coach after the wedding reception and taking them all to non-tourist, cheaper town that would have reasonable accommodation? You could also say no to wedding presents.

'These people are supposed to be my mates.'

Well, it is rude of them to have verbally agreed and then back out.

BUT, I love my mates, but you know, money just doesn't grow on trees and if someone wants to host an event like that that far away adn over an August bank holiday weekend, and it's then a choice between the wedding or the bills or the wedding and a family holiday, well, the latter's going to win out.

I'd send along a lovely gift, but I'd never have agreed verbally myself. Would have just been, 'Thanks, but it's unfortunately it's beyond our means.'

If they all know each other is there any chance of them sharing a self catering cottage?

Muddlypuddle, I'm very sorry to hear what's happened.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that they are being bl**dy rude. They verbally accepted an invitation and it was their responsibility to sort themselves out re accommodation etc. If they didn't want/couldn't afford to go away for a weekend, then they should have said something straight away rather than telling you just a matter of weeks before the event. You must stop blaming yourself for this - it is not your fault that they didn't get themselves sorted out in time.

Offering to do a party instead is, I feel, a bit off. You have put a lot of effort into organising your wedding. For your friends to now turn around and say "Oh, we won't be attending, but let's do something else instead" seems to me to be a bit dismissive of the fact that this is your wedding day. It's not just a random get together of a group of people, the wedding itself is the event that makes it special and a party, although nice, isn't quite the same thing.

FWIW I hate the way the word bridezilla gets trotted out on these threads. I don't think it is remotely bridezilla to expect guests that have accepted an invitation to not give backword at the last moment.

Honestly? It really sounds as though there are genuine difficulties for them to find accommodation etc. From what you say, five families comprising something like 36 people in total are being expected to pay for three nights hotel accommodation, (plus meals for the other two days)petrol, clothes, gifts etc, in order to attend your wedding. If I had been invited to a wedding on that basis, I am afraid that however good our friendship, I would have to say 'no'. I Would be pushed to afford all that with one nights accommodation, let alone three. You are asking them to pay several hundred punds each and that is a lot! TBH, I am not sure it would have even occurred to me that I would have to pay for three nights so i might have said 'yes' and then had to change that once I had investigated the hotel situation. I don't think your friends are being horrible to you, they are just being sensible. They clearly think highly of you, or they wouldn't be thinking about doing a party for you. I think you have to bite the bullet on this one, you chose the date and location of your wedding and sadly you have to accept that as much as they may want to, they just can't attend.

Surely the fact that they've suggested a party to you indicates that they do care, and want to celebrate with you in some way?

I do feel sorry for you Muddypuddle, but I am sure they would go if they could!

Several years ago when I was a student we had to go to a vry expensive wedding - DH agreed to be best man before they told us the wedding was at a castle in Scotland! (We and they live in Devon!!). We tried to cancel but were 'guilted' into going - it cost us more than we spent on our own wedding previously!. It also took a long time to pay off credit cards that we had to use to get there.

I am still bloody furious about it tbh. (not least 'cos I always hated the bride). How dare they think their day is more important to us than our own?

So, I think if people can't go then you should just accept it - by which I mean they have a real reason and it's not that they don't like you! Have a party afterwards - I bet you'll get better presents from the people who feel guilty they missed it!

can you look around for b&b options or cottages or something?

last wedding i went to which involved a fair bit of travelling for most people the bride and groom reserved a block of rooms at a special rate for people travelling far. they also gave a list of alternative, cheaper options. very organised.

my own wedding was tiny, 14 guests. we asked them all to travel, again, tourist location, in the lakes where i grew up..and it was aug bank holiday weekend! but we paid for their rooms so they could all come. couldn't have done that if we'd invited any more than close family though.

I think the fact that your friends have already offered to organise a party says it all. They clearly feel rotten about not coming and are trying to show that they care. Let them throw you a party.

Is there a local university that rents out accomodation in the summer?

I feel really sorry for you, we run a B&B and dread weddings on Bank Holiday weekends, we do a minimum of 2 nights but still get complaints from wedding guests but if we did one nights then we lose out on Fiday night bookings and Sunday nights.

Whereabouts is it?

Where we got married you could do corporate lets of blocks of flats which were cheaper than hotels. Is it anywhere with that kind of accom?

it is not that no-one likes you..really , it isn't

i think if you mentioned it before, people would have (A) not thought as far ahead as august bank holiday and the cost implications and (B) would not want to just say no to your face

you will still have half the guests there

can you find a hotel that might be willing to do a special offer if you can promise them some punters?

to be fair, a 3 night stay in a hotel, over a bank holiday, for four , plus petrol, gift, outfits , dog sitters for us, would be beyond our reach at the moment.

We wont lose out - its a regisry office do followed by a nice restaurant and then the reception in my Mums garden. The rooms are all full of aunts and siblings already...

What a shame

Is there any way they could stay with any of your family for the night/camp/caravan site, etc?

Are you having it somewhere where you had to specify numbers - will you lose out on it if they don't come?

Maybe the friends go organise the party....

i'm really sorry about this, it must be very sad.

But i do have a bit of sympathy wih the guests too.

At the initial onvite thye prob just didn't realise the expense tbh.
It's probably just hitting home.

I'm sorry it is happeneing, but it is also just one of those things.

we went to a wedding to a close friend which was fab, but OMG we really had to penny pinch for ages to afford it- and i think that next time i would just politely decline i'm afraid
Id be really sad, but it is just the way of things these days,

i recenly had to stay home when 5 of my mates went away for the weekend, we couldn't afford for me to go on a jolly..

it must seem hard just now- but i'm sure the others are feeling upset too.

maybe a party whne you get back

Are there any rentable cottages near where the wedding is? that's what a group of us usually do, and they'll often do weekend breaks that work out much cheaper than hotels. Would changing the date away from the bank holiday be possible/feasible?

I'm sure it's not the case that no one likes you! We got married where dh grew up, and I must confess, we booked accommodation for everyone, and asked them to confirm it if they were coming, so tried to take some of the stress out of it. Having said that, it was in November, so the Lake District wasn't exactly booked up!

A couple of my friends had just had babies and opted not to come, as considered it to be far to travel.

Don't worry, your wedding day will be beautiful, and you'll have a wonderful day. Promise.

you're right. sniff. I suppose I can now buy champagne rather than prossecco!

How to explain to your family:

Tell your family that you are having the wedding near them because 'weddings are about families' <twee> but since they live in a tourist trap you're also having another party later on to celebrate with the friends who can't make it.

no, you will hold your head up high and say you are having a friends party later,

When you are in the thick of planning your wedding these things happen.....belive me in the future you'll be on the other side, there will be a reason eg no children invited, no partners, abroad.......you must not take it personally. Have another party with them. after all you'll miss all the planning and excitment when the day is over

I'm embarrassed more than anything - it looks like noone likes me. In fact Im seriously wondering if they do. How am I going to explain to my family that noone wanted to come? ugh.

Its all my own stupid fault.

I have to say that if someone said to me 'we'll be getting married August bank holiday weekend, will you come' I'd instantly say yes, and not look at hotel prices / conditions at the time.

If I then realised I'd need to spend 3 nights there, and presumably spend quite a bit, perhaps meaning that as a family we wouldn't be able to have a holiday etc, I would cancel. Plus of course the problem of the children in the evening etc when not local.

And I expect that rather than getting together to decide not to come, they phoned each other to see if anyone could find somewhere that was cheaper to stay, and when they realised they couldn't came up with the party plan

Huff - 2 weeks before DH's cousins wedding recently we said we'd be there. Unfortunately we couldn't make it as we realised that we couldn't afford to get then when it had previously looked we would have done.

I'm sorry that you're upset but I have to agree with some of the other posters. A verbal acceptance to drive 200 miles is different to suddenly realising that you can't get accommodation there -at least not for less than 3 nights.

I don't think they've "got together and decided you weren't worth the hassle". I think they've realised that they can't practically do it and have tried to come up with a lovely alternative.

I'd go ahead with the wedding - can you even cancel anyway at this short notice? - you'll have a lovely day AND another party to look forward to at a later date.

For your NEXT wedding you need to take over a few hotels completely and pay for everyone

In the meantime, just plan for a smaller do

Sorry, cross posts - at least they have a valid reason. I don't think that you should take this too personally.

Everyone has different levels of commitment to weddings. If a close relative got married I would feel that I would have to pay whatever it cost to be there, but with friends I might feel less obliged unless I had an official role. Perhaps you could make them all bridesmaids?

I think that organising a post-honeymoon party where you live would be a good solution, but make them pay for their own drinks to punish them for being disorganised!

oh dear, understandably upsetting

Huff - I realise that. As I say I've messed up, but when I started planning this I asked them at the time if they would still come and they said yes. Its only now that they've pulled out - for months they've been saying they'll come.

Yes I agree with these other posts - say you totally understand, credit crunch etc. and plan for a smaller do and a big party at home when you come back from honeymoon.

Far better to have 30 people who are happy and enjoying the day than 70 people who are resenting the cost and there through obligation.

you will have two celebrations muddy, it will be fine and you will be less stressed for the second celebration which your friends ahve organised.

Well if they are struggling to find (presumably not cheap) 3 day accomodation in a holiday location over a bank holiday I'm not surprised many of them can't come! It's not an excuse, it's a genuine reason.

I would never expect 70 people to afford 3 nights in a hotel on my behalf. It's a bit Bridezilla. Sorry.

You have two options: Either enjoy the wedding with the 34 people who are coming, and don't resent that most people couldn't make it, or relocate the wedding closer to home if you have your heart set on the big bash.

Of course don't cancel it! You can have a party with these people at the place where you live at a later date. Maybe you should have considered the implications of it being a bank holiday weekend, but they should have been looking into it too before they said yes.

On the plus side think of the money you'll save not having to pay for meals for all those people! That'll more than cover a wedding celebration party back at home after the honeymoon (and you can wear your dress agin!).

slarty : thats what they have said - they want to organise it for me in fact, but that wasn't really the day I had planned. I feel like they got together and decided not to come to my wedding - its my five local friends, thier husbands and children who aren't coming - I feel like they all sat down and decided I wasnt worth all the hassle. These people are supposed to be my mates.

The same happened with me (many, many moons ago!). I think that people suddenly get round to looking at the map and realise just what a commitment they've 'made'. If you were getting married in a Tuscan vineyard they would somehow find the time, the swines.

Don't cancel. They day is about you and your DP. I had a fabulous time with those who DID make the effort.

You can't cancel a wedding because some people aren't coming.

We have had to decline an invite as the journey is long but the problem is we can't afford to stay over the 2 nights we would need too.

Go ahead with your wedding and enjoy it.

or do you now of any local b & b's that won;t charge a fortune, make them stay longer than necessary?

if you really want to see these people, arrange a party at a later date

You will have 34 lovely people who really want to be there and you'll have a great day! Don't cancel it!

its a 200 mile drive and they need accomodation - they're all saying the same thing : that as its in a tourist resort and its the August bank holiday they are having trouble finding suitable accomodation. I've tried to help but the problem seems to be that they hadn't thought about how much it would cost and the fact that most hotels want a 3 night stay over a bank holiday.

I've really messed up I now realise, making them drive there rather than our families drive here. Should I rearange everything to do it here? or is that just desperate and needy. I suddenly feel like I have acquiantances rather than friends.

At the end of the day you can't force people to come to a wedding IMO. If they really want to then they will but it's up to people if they want to say no and they don't really have to give a reason - do they?

However I can understand it's a pain if they verbally said they would and then sent back RSVPs saying no. At least you know they aren't coming and you can ajust the catering etc accordingly now that the RSVPs have come back.

the people that come will be the people you want to come it will be fine. don't cancel it.

How rude! Are they giving good reasons?

Its quite a way to travel because we're doing it where we grew up rather than where we live. I invited 70 people who all said yes, but its in 2 months time and suddenly everyone is pulling out and we only have 34 people coming now. Should I cancel it? I'm not looking forward to it now and its making me cry all the time.