My feed
Premium
Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My DP wants a 3some

37 replies

BFwantsa3some · 26/06/2009 17:58

Hi, im in a new relationship with a really nice guy, but he really wants me to have a 3some with him.

i am afraid if i do and i want things to go further i will never get the image of him and the other person out of my head.

He seems really really keen on this, and stupidly i ave said i am up for it, when i am not completely sure about it.

He wants me to get one of my old friends who i used to sleep with when i was drunk to have a 3some with him because i told him i had had 3somes with her before, but our friendship isnt anything like that now.

OP posts:
Report
BFwantsa3some · 26/06/2009 17:59

Sorry for namechange, i feel embarressed about my sutiation

OP posts:
Report
TheProfiteroleThief · 26/06/2009 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loujay · 26/06/2009 18:01

I would suggest a bloke..........see if he still wants a threesome!!
Seriously though, if you dont want to do it then DONT DO IT.........nuff said

Report
squeaver · 26/06/2009 18:02

Just tell him, "sorry I've changed my mind". If that upsets him, then you'll know what sort of person he is.

Report
Yurtgirl · 26/06/2009 18:02

Say no
No genuine 'nice guy' wants a 3some

Id chuck him sorry

Report
brightwell · 26/06/2009 18:02

I was going to suggest the same......he probably won't be quite so keen!

Report
claricebeansmum · 26/06/2009 18:05

And find the thread on here about the MNer who was into swinging and where that landed her...

Anyway, you shouldn't do anything you are uncomfortable with sexually. Absolutely not.

Report
BFwantsa3some · 26/06/2009 18:05

He is up for a guy to, in fact wants a threesome with both at different times

OP posts:
Report
loujay · 26/06/2009 18:07

At the end of the day its not what you want.........I'll say it again.....DONT DO IT

Report
islandlassie · 26/06/2009 18:08

I had a threesome with a couple that i was good friends with - they split up not longer after

I would not suggest it!

Report
HecatesTwopenceworth · 26/06/2009 18:09

If you do something that you don't want to do, it will ultimately end the relationship anyway, because you will end up blaming him, or resenting him.

Report
Yurtgirl · 26/06/2009 18:10

Really BF

I cant imagine many men would be up for that

Report
posieparker · 26/06/2009 18:14

NO long term and successful relationship starts with a threesome, surely.

Report
BFwantsa3some · 26/06/2009 18:19

he has had a 3some with a guy before and liked it apparently,

I think i will say no and see what his reaction is

OP posts:
Report
Yurtgirl · 26/06/2009 18:25

I would say nooooooooooo and goodbye

Report
hereidrawtheline · 26/06/2009 18:25

Yurtgirl just think of how many porn films involve loads of guys and one girl. Someone will probably come along and tell me different but it always seems (in porn) a sort of gang rape scenario which obviously some guys will get off on. I dont think they are doing it for bisexual reasons in the main.

Report
Yurtgirl · 26/06/2009 18:27

Hereidrawtheline - I know nothing about porn films and am happy for it to stay that way!

Report
SolidGoldBrass · 26/06/2009 18:29

Actually, lots of people have threesomes and don't get social diseases or feel so guilty they have to drown themselves. Threesomes can be really good fun as long as all the participants are up for it and have an agreement (at least in the case of the existing couple) that they will not blame each other or the third party if it doesn't work out and if anyone has any particular limits that they are discussed beforehand (ie if it's FMM and one bloke definitely doesn;t want to suck the other's cock, or MFF and the female whose partner the male is, doesn;t want him to have penetrative sex with the other woman or whatever).
However, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. You don't have to do anything sexually that upsets or revolts or hurts you - or that you simply don't fancy.

Report
hereidrawtheline · 26/06/2009 18:34

yurtgirl I shall say here I am no porn addict But I have seen some of this type - porn doesnt do it for me personally as I have said here on MN before it doesnt really scratch the itch.

I agree regardless of what the ins and outs are (pun intended) you shouldnt do anything you dont want to. And if he pressures you he hasnt got your best interests at heart, but his.

Report
BFwantsa3some · 26/06/2009 18:47

OK, i told him that i didnt want a 3some and was sorry for leading him on and making him think i was up for it.

I told him that it wasn't the sort of thing i was looking for and that f that's what he want's im the wrong person for it

I told him that i let him know before he came over in case he changed his mind about me.

And he turned around and said it's fine and that it is me that he wants.

It is a releif to get it off my chest. i was starting to get bogged down by it.

and maybe this isnt the thing that 'nice' lads do but he is great in every other way

OP posts:
Report
SolidGoldBrass · 26/06/2009 21:37

People can want threesomes without being bad people. Group sex is fun (though it isn;t to everyone's taste). If he is a nice person then the two of you can discuss your sexual preferences and standards and agree on what works for your relatinship and it should all be fine. Best of luck.

Report
imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 26/06/2009 21:54

I had a threesome with my best friend and her DP, ages ago. My BF is much older than me, her DP was between the two of us, iyswim (ages!). We were all pissed, it went a bit pear shaped, my BF got jealous and threw her DPs clothes out of the window. It was a bit embarrasing for a day or two, but we got past it. They are still togehter 20 years later! neither of them were my type anyway

My advice would be, if you want a long term relationship with this guy, dont even go there - if the relationship isnt serious, why not.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

BFwantsa3some · 26/06/2009 22:02

Hmm, well he said he didnt mind but didnt turn up today

i guess i have just been used, i had only just started sleeping with him, he got what he wanted and fucked off

fucker

ill be more careful next time about who i let in my keks [feeling downright used]

OP posts:
Report
LovingtheSilverFox · 26/06/2009 22:13

Its better you found out what his priorities were before you ended up in bed with two other people. If you weren't comfortable with it you could have ended up regretting it.

Sorry it didn't work out

Report
juicychops · 26/06/2009 22:23

me and my dp spoke about the idea of a threesome. actually its come up wuite a few times in the 3 years we've been together mainly because when it was first spoke about i was all up for it and excited about it and we found someone online willing etc.

she dropped out and we left it for a while but then when my dp brought it up again i didn't feel as happy about it anymore as we had been together a bit longer and just didn't feel comfortable with the idea of him having sex with someone else. i finally realised out relationship was past a certain point where if we had gone through with it it would change things for us - at least for me so ive said no ever since then

it comes up every now and again, mainly as a joke but he's hoping i have a change of heart which i know i never will

so if your not completely happy with the idea my advice would be dont go there

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.