Alarm Bells ringing over DP

[ImNameChangingForThis]

I have a great DP although he has been a cheat in his past, never since we've been together. Now and again I get suspicious but it seems to be me being paranoid and hormonal.

However, he's been engaged before and I was curious as to who she was as he says she's a bitch etc. However, I can sense that she always had a hold over him and he seems to go weird if I ever mention her so I wonder if she still does.

A friend of mine on facebook is friends with her, and so I looked at her page- she seemed very immature considering she's older than me.

Anyway, I didn't tell him I'd looked until about a week and a half or 2 weeks later. He was all weird about it, but was trying not to be, but i know him very well. I said I felt uneasy that there was loads of pics of her with his friends and he seemed to be the only person missing IYSWIM. I've only ever met his friends once in 2 years- at our son's christening. Yet he goes out with them sometimes, but hasn't for about 3 months as we're saving. By the next evening she'd made her page private. I thought this was a bit suspicious.

He had some bad credit when we applied for something and it came up as her address. Tonight he said 'well she's moved anyway hasn't she?' I said 'How would I know? How would you know?' He said 'What?' which he always says to bide himself time to think. Then he goes 'she moved before we met'. I know that she lives on the street that has come up on the credit profile, so then he said 'only across the road though'.

Then he went really strange and sheepish and said 'oh come on babe, we'e got a good thing going'.

That's a strange thing to say. We get married in a couple of months, we're happy together, and yet I just feel weird tonight like I've stepped on an area he didn't want me to IYSWIM?

Am I being crazy?

[ImNameChangingForThis]

When I say he's the only one missing, I don't mean that he's taken the picture, but that it's asthough they're all mates together IYKWIM

[ImNameChangingForThis]

BUMP my own message lol. Sad but necessary.

[ImNameChangingForThis]

Sorry, I cross posted.

What do you think I should do to get answers? Or do you think I could be demented and linking unrelated things together?

[MagNacarta]

The alarm bells ring for me at the idea that in 2 years you've only met his friends once and you're about to get married. That's very odd.

[ImNameChangingForThis]

Mag- it is odd isn't it? He's even kept me away from social occasions like Christenings and things.

Oh fuck. I've a horrible feeling this is all adding up.

Also, he goes on his laptop which I'm not allowed to go on and types away every night and it's never occured to me that it could be suspicious.

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Yes, what Reality said is perfect. That way you're putting him on the spot where he has to answer, without you coming off as a bunny boiler

[tiredlady]

Looks fishy.
Smells fishy.
It is fishy.
Go with your instincts.
Smething is not right.
Good luck

[ImNameChangingForThis]

I can never get the truth though.

I thought he was smoking and he went on about how I should trust him and made me feel guilty- then I found out he was smoking.

I asked if he'd slept with one of my friends bbefore we got together and he kept saying no, he was adament he hadn't... then it turned out he had.

Why lie about those things?

There's no way on this earth he'd admit it.

[AnybodyHomeMcFly]

Yes sorry it does sound rather dodge. You need some straight answers before pledging to spend the rest of your life with him...

[hellymelly]

Sorry to say his reactions sound strange to me and I think you are reasonable to be bothered by this-am not sure how you can snoop-your mutual friend maybe?

[ImNameChangingForThis]

Oh and she's still in touch with his family- and they;ve never been too keen on me.

[AnyFucker]

I don't like the sound of this.

He sounds like a verrrry slippery customer

Only you know him though (and his history )

Incidentally, his history of cheating, was it with you ?

[ImNameChangingForThis]

No, we got together when we were both single and neither of us has cheated (or so I thought).

[LauriefairycakeeatsCupid]

How many alarm bells do you need to ring ?

1. he's lied to you about sleeping with your friend

1. he's secretly in contact with his ex at best (he may be as much as still seeing her)

1. his family don't like you

This does not a happy marriage make.

Look after yourself

[HolyGuacamole]

Why are you not allowed on his laptop?

[Idrankthechristmasspirits]

If you know he would never admit it if he is doing wrong, and if you have a large amount of circumstantial evidence ( which you do), could you really commit to a lifelong marriage without all of those doubts eating away at you?

You might want to consider postponing the marriage whilst you consider things.

[warthog]

he's lied to you about BIG things in the past.

he's lying to you now.

he's keeping his laptop private.

he's hiding you from his family and friends.

i really don't think you should marry this bloke. please call the wedding off. from sounds of it his family and friends won't be there either?!! how was that going to work?

the whole thing sounds fucked up to me.

[sparkyoldbint]

Lying about things like smoking and sleeping with a friend before you got together is unnecessary and devious. That alone would be enough to ring alarm bells for me. My DP tells me things he has no need to tell me about at all because he wants to share everything with me.

My partner before him was just like yours though, he lied to me from the start and it never got any better. Trust your instincts.

[helsbels4]

If you don't think that you'll get the truth directly from him then I'd be inclined to go snooping. I'd be checking that computer, I'd be looking through his phone. Hopefully you won't come across anything untoward but if you do then at least you'll have some kind of "evidence".

[ImNameChangingForThis]

I sat down and talked to him this morning. He couldn't believe I don't trust him and said he hadn't told me about the smoking and my friend because he didn't want to upset me and he knows both these things would.

He gave me his phone and laptop to look through and said if I ever feel like it again I need to talk to him rather than worrying.

I said he needs to stop lying altogether or we can't carry on. He swore he won't lie anymore and said he was only trying to consider my feelings.