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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Sent a valentine. Now what?

34 replies

critterjitter · 10/02/2009 23:21

How long do you wait before giving up?

OP posts:

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fattiemumma · 10/02/2009 23:24

you have sent a man a valentines card?

surely you shouldn't have sent it till friday?

giving up on what? whats the story?

critterjitter · 10/02/2009 23:34

Being the cautious person I am, I heard all the weather forecasts and thought the whole country (post service included) would come to another halt this week, so sent it early. Now I just look daft I suppose.......

Met him through friends. Difficult to organise another meet up with him through these friends, as I have since found out that they are splitting up. He is the husband's friend.

Sent it to his work, as that's the only address I have for him.

DIdn't put my name in it, so I suppose it would be difficult for him to work out who its from. But thats the idea with valentines isn't it?

OP posts:

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 10/02/2009 23:36

Are you 12? If you like this man and have his work address, phone him up and ask him out. If he gets a card with no name in it, hewill most likely think
WOrkmate trying to wind me up
XGF (if he has one)
Mum trying to cheer me up
Whatever.... and bin it.

critterjitter · 10/02/2009 23:44

I just can't do it solidgoldbullet4myvalentine. I've even dialled the number, but I think I'd mess up big time. I just don't have that kind of confidence in relationships.

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HolyGuacamole · 11/02/2009 07:21

Aw critterjitter that is cute.

Just call him up and ask him out. Worst case scenario, he might say no and you might feel a little . Best case, he will say yes. You don't know till you try!

fattiemumma · 11/02/2009 07:56

Go grab another card.

don't sign it but put your phone number in it instead.

If he is anything like me he will ask if anyone recognises the number to see if he can work out who sent it.
then he will know its you, if he calls its because he wants to.

If he doesn't check first and just rings then at least you get to speak to him and ask him out.

its cute. but you need to remember that the thing most men state as the most sexy aspect of a woman is confidence. even if you don't actually have it pretend you do. act as though you are and soon enough you'll start believing it yourself.

good luck

critterjitter · 11/02/2009 13:54

HolyGuacamole - If I ring him up and ask him out (if I could!) and he says no, then the first thing he's going to do is tell his friend, who will tell his wife - my friend. Just worried it'll be something along the lines of: "Oh, you'll never guess who sent me a card AND then rang me up too." Then I'm just going to look like a complete loser really, publicly. I'll be getting those pitying looks.....

Fattiemumma - If I send another card, isn't it going to look a bit desperate? He's going to wonder what's hit him - 2 in a week. He also won't know my number. I've only met him once, we didn't get that far.........

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fattiemumma · 11/02/2009 16:50

he wont know who teh first card is from so it could just be anonymous.

he wont have your number but if he asks his friends then they will tell him its yours.

UC · 11/02/2009 18:28

Just do it. Ring him. Say you enjoyed meeting him, and would he like to go out for a drink some time. If you never take a risk, you'll never get the potential gold at the bottom of the rainbow.

If he says no, you don't ever have to see him again.

peasoup · 11/02/2009 18:49

Can your friend help you out? Can she try to find out if he likes you or help you engineer another meeting?

macdoodle · 11/02/2009 19:43

I'm confused - you met him once he doesnt have yor number or your address I assume??
You sent a card with no name pr number, what are you waiting for - him to develope psychic abilities ??? Just bloody ring him!!

critterjitter · 11/02/2009 19:47

Peasoup - my friend is splitting up from her husband because of his 'laddish' ways and the guy I fancy is 'one of the lads.' Any mention of his friends has her raising her eyebrows and wrinkling her nose!

UC - I am terrible on the phone, I get really tongue tied and mess things up. And the embarrassment of being turned down and then having to face my friend and her husband would be a bit too much to take. If it wasn't for them, I'd perhaps be a little more forward.

Fattiemuma - do you not think it might look a bit obvious that its me?

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BCNS · 11/02/2009 19:52

Just want to say I once recieved a valentine card... with no name.. I still have no idea who it was from.. if it was my mum.. then all she did was confuse the hell out of me.. if not.. it was apointless excercise as I was just confused.

just ring him.. saying he's not interested .. has to be better than thinking he is being wound up!

lalalonglegs · 11/02/2009 20:26

If you know where he works and it is an office environment, then phone up the reception pretending you need to get in touch on a work matter and get his email address or Google the company and find out if there is a contact email for anyone there then copy the format for his name (eg: [email protected] or [email protected]). Then write short email saying that you enjoyed meeting him and does he fancy a drink next week (not Valentine's Day). That way you avoid poor telephone manner and just get it over and one with.

lalalonglegs · 11/02/2009 20:27

Plus that way he has a reliable method of getting in touch with you.

critterjitter · 11/02/2009 20:27

Thanks BCNS. I suppose I'm hoping that he has at least considered that its me, and tried to find out my number. I'll give it to the end of the week. Just can't ring him though, I'll just make a messy situation ten times worse...

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BCNS · 11/02/2009 20:31

Okay.. right so here's what you do.. your pretend you never sent the card.. not you.. not ever.. and say nothing about it..

then ... talk to friend.. see when he is around again.. go along.. and talk to him LOL.

cheekysealion · 11/02/2009 20:41

I thought valentones were meant to be from a secret admirer?

I was going to send one with a question mark in it!!!!

should i be signing it?

cheekysealion · 11/02/2009 20:42

valentines

critterjitter · 11/02/2009 21:43

BCNS - I've tried that one. I seem to miss every time he goes round to see them. I'm always hearing about how he was round their house the other day etc. Now she's saying that her and her husband are going to split up, so less likely that his friend is going to be round there.

Cheakysealion - Yes, I know what you mean. I thought V cards were meant to be from a secret admirer too. Now I'm thinking that I should have signed it and put all my contact details in it! Worst thing is that I'm imagining him hitting on another female thinking it was her that sent the card!

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critterjitter · 11/02/2009 21:51

lalalonglegs - I do have his email address, as well as his mobile. Its all on his company website. I just don't have any home contact numbers.

I am just really worried about the whole thing going pear- shaped and him telling his friend (who is married to the woman that I'm friends with) that I'm bugging him at work or something. I don't want to put a strain on the friendship I have with this woman, particularly as she is going through a bad time with her husband. Or perhaps the husband will be stressed by me contacting his friend?

Doesn't it look a bit stalkerish to have found out where he works etc and then start contacting him there? (I had to extract the name of the company he's at from the woman I'm friends with ).

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Rindercella · 11/02/2009 22:00

Ok, you are obviously very keen on this man. Have you actually asked your friend if she can help you out here? Of course she is going though a very difficult time herself, but I wonder if she would give you an opener with him? Forget about the Valentine's card idea. He will probably be clueless, and think it is from an ex or some mad woman who he works with.

You could always call him at the office. Some bloke did this to me once (knew him through a friend, he obviously had no idea how else to contact me). He only knew my first name & got put through to several Rinders before he got me. I went out with him. Once. Because he made the effort!

Good luck

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critterjitter · 11/02/2009 22:07

Rindercella - She seems to really dislike him actually. Think its because he spends a lot of time with her husband. They've also fallen out because she disagrees with his child's behaviour (he's divorced BTW!).

She makes lots of comments about me going out and meeting someone new, and the husband has also made similar comments, but they seem totally clueless that I like him.

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Rindercella · 11/02/2009 22:12

Can you be a bit sneaky and ask her H to see if he is interested?

Actually, scrap that. Please just give him a call at work and ask him out for a drink one evening.

Try not to make it into a huge deal in your own mind and keep calm. The worst that can happen is that he'll say, nice chatting but no thanks.

Best way to go is to try not to start off a potential relationship playing games...you'll just be doing that all the way through. Be honest, open and true to yourself.

Who knows, in several years' time you may confess to him that it was you who sent him that mysterious Valentine's.

critterjitter · 11/02/2009 22:27

How do I make it sound casual in an email? Just not up to the phonecall. Keep imagining him saying something like: "Not at the moment love, bit busy at the moment" as I try and remind him who I am...........

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