Would it bother you if your dh partook in his hobby/exercise EVERY day?

[DrNortherner]

My dh is a fitness freak and is obsessed with cycling - performance cycling, in lycra on a carbon framed bike.

He is a memeber of a local group, and on Sundays they do a ride from 9am till 2pm. Sometimes later if he choses a longer ride.

Independantly of this he cycles every night, albeit after ds had gone to bed, but he is still out for 1 hour or more. if he is pushed for time he will run, or get his pro trainer out in the back yard. He also ocassionally plays squash, and football once a week.

I am a memebr of a gym, and try to do 3 spin classes a week, but I am flexible and can miss classes depending on other stuff. He will never miss what he does, he does it rain or shine, christmas day, boxing day or shrove bloody tuesday.

As you can tell, it sometimes causes friction, mainly when I say, 'are you going on your bike again?'

He says I am lucky he is not out shagging/getting pised and rolling in at 4am like some men

of course it's great he keeps so fit, I just wish he was not so bloody obsessive about it all.

What do you think?

[scorpio1]

My dh goes thai boxing mon-thurs, and sunday day time. I don't mind - he is great when he is here, and wont go if i am ill/desperate for help.

If it is wearing on your relationship, then his priorties need to be altered - speaking from experience when dh cut his down for a bit.

[MrsTittleMouse]

I think that saying "you're lucky I'm not out shagging other women" is a complete red card. He chose to marry you and stand up and say his vows.

Regarding the fitness thing, I think that he should be more flexible. But it's hard when he is seriously into the sport, which he obviously is. I'm guessing that he races too right?

[rubyslippers]

if he will never miss it, and he is missing out consistently on family time, then it owuld bother me

[wrinklytum]

He isn't my boss is he?

My boss is a cycling freak and does triathlons and the like.He keeps his £4000 bike in his bedroom!

Can you come to some middle ground arrangement,like one night a week you have a bike free night together.

In some ways I suppose he has a bit of a point about the shagging stuff,after reading recent mn threads.

blokes and their toys,eh?

[DrNortherner]

Dh's bike is in our understairs cupboard. I had to rehome my shoes to make way for it!

1 night a week where we sty home together is a good idea. Will put that to him.

[ihearthuckabees]

Addicted to cycling - sounds familiar. Although my DH is much more reasonable about how often he does it (would probably train every night if I let him and it wasn't dark/cold/rainy). He goes once at weekend, one training night, and cycles to work (16 miles) if time and weather permits. We both agree that's fair, and he will forgo a weekend ride if there's something else important on (sometimes need a bit of a nudge to accept this). Before kids and work pressure he used to be a bit more like your DH.

Much as he clearly loves his sport, your DH is being unreasonable. Would he accept you doing the same? That's the bottom line really isn't it?

[DrNortherner]

Ah, see my dh is not put off by cold and rain. He still goes! Plus he cycles to and from work every day on top of this!
This came about because I asked him not to go riding on Sunday, instead for the 3 of us to do something. He agreed, but feel a bit miffed he has to be pushed.

Bottom line is - I wouldn't want to do it!!

[jasper]

I think you should be supportive - through gritted teeth. If you keep drawing attention to it he will either keep doing it (but his enjoyment will be tarnished )or do it less - and resent you.

My dh has recently become something of a bike freak too.He HAS to be obsessive about it or otherwise the momentum is broken (or so he says!)

He keeps his new carbon fibre bike in the bedroom and gets grumpy if he does not get out every day.

I have come to view it in a positive way - as a sort of mid life crisis that will keep him healthy and happy.

Have a look at this week's copy of Cycling Weekly.( he is BOUND to be a subscriber - they all are ) . There is a funny letter from a woman who describes herself as a cycling WAG.

Perhaps we could form a support group?

[moondog]

what a selfish man
actively choosing to not be with you and his children
weird

[compo]

I think it's ok as a hobby to a certain extent but if it's eating up on family time it's not okay

what happens if you want to go out with mates on an evening?

do you do family stuff all day Saturday and he cycles Sunday?

he must be really fit but it does sound a bit excessive

does he know he should have a rest day?

[DrNortherner]

PMSL, yes he subscribes to cycling weekly!

Moodog - that's a bit harsh I feel.

[sleepwhenidie]

my dh works ridiculous hours but still tries to exercise every day, usually at the gym first thing in the morning (7.30am) or on his bike at weekends. I occasionally feel a bit resentful of him managing to get that time to himself when I would like it too, but I don't let on because on the whole I know he is much nicer to be around when he has exercised because a)he is slightly obsessive about his fitness and b)for him it is his form of stress relief and pretty much the only time he gets to himself as work is so full on and when he is home he does devote time to the children.

Also, I am sure that if I felt as strongly about prioritising exercise as him (I also try to do something most days but will skip it if I have an excuse something more important I have to do), he would be as helpful as possible in enabling me to do the same.

[compo]

Moondog - it's okay not to be together every second of the day!! I actively choose not to be with my kids by going shopping on my own sometimes, don't you have an alone time?!!

[DrNortherner]

If I want to go out he goes on his pro trainer, or runs before I go.

I must point out, he does not do the group ride 9am till 2pm every sunday, although I know he'd like to.

As a compromise he gets up really early and is on the road for 6.30am and back for 9.30aom so we can have a day together.

The man is bonkers!

[NimChimpsky]

Oh a support group. My DH is a clone of the man you describe. He's a triathlete though so also fits in swimming. He cycles to work too (10 miles) and at work is... a cycle copper.

It's a good job I love him because the sight of him smearing that weird chamois cream stuff on his padded lycra shorts is enough to turn your stomach.

Oh and yes to bike kept indoors. And hundreds spent on bits of metal. And hours and hours in little bike shops with other geeks cyclists all salivating over carbon fibre forks.

Once a week he stays in but I can see him itching to get on the pro trainer.

I seriously asked him once what he'd do if there was a fire, who would he rescue first, me, dd or his bike. Apparently I'd be rescuing dd so he's free to rescue the carbon fibre interloper in our marriage. I assume he was joking.

[moondog]

yes i know its ok to see each other occasionally. i only see my dh for a week every 6 weeks and it's been the same for 8 years

[fluffles]

what about dividing the non-work time into 'him time' 'you time' and 'family time' on paper. that way you can balance out his time and your time and also make sure that the family is getting quality time. then once he has his allocated hours he can choose to spend them all in the saddle if he wants

i did this exercise once when i felt life was getting away from me - mapped out all the hours spent on housework, couple time, tv etc.... it showed far too many mindless tv hours and so i signed up to an OU course

My DP and i try to have the same amount of 'me time' each week... he uses his to (yes, you guessed it) to cycle

[DrNortherner]

Oh Nimchimpsky you make me laugh, we have had the same conversation about a fire!

My mum stayed with us over christmas and hung her coat over his bike He was silently seething!!

He is crap at DIY yet can strip his bike in seconds. He often puts it in the living room whilst atching re runs of the science of lance armstrong.

[jasper]

You can't change him.
If this is his biggest "fault" please overlook it!

Just one hour a night? What, is that about 17 miles? 20ish with a tailwind?

[DrNortherner]

It his his biggest 'fault'

You are right

[NimChimpsky]

Lance blardy Armstrong has a lot to answer for. Fecking documentaries about him. He was a triathlete you know, once upon a time. Blah blah.

The magazines, the books, the trip up a hill in France to see a memorial to a man who took amphetamines and drank whisky whilst doing the Tour and surprisingly didn't make it to the top of said hill.

The way he cranes his neck round whenever anybody cycles past regardless of whether he's supposed to be driving/talking to his family/looking where he's going, you'd think a naked, buxom blonde was sailing past.

And the shaving of his legs, why does it take him so long?

Oh I feel your pain.

[fluffles]

Oh yes! - Eyeing up other men's bikes when they pass!!!!

How weird is that????

[jasper]

are your kitchen cupboards full of protein bars and electrolyte "shakes"?

[fluffles]

erm.. actually one of our kitchen cupboards is given over to tyres, chainrings and headsests - we dont' have a garage